#1 humor site on the 'net

Pumpkin Races

Duck Dynasty draws first seed in Redneck Water Sports

Pumpkin Races thanks to Keith Blake

Redneck Reality TV draws plenty of viewers

QuotaBills
Ghost Writer: Spooksman - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I only eat candy on Halloween. - Michael Trevino

Art is a house that tries to be haunted. - Emily Dickinson

Forget Cutie, I'd rather be Pumpkin! - Unknown

I've made a career off of Halloween. - Cassandra Peterson

Be not proud of race, face, place, or grace. - Charles Spurgeon

Halloween is an opportunity to be really creative. - Judy Gold

Produce great pumpkins, the pies will follow later. - Unknown

Selfishness is the greatest curse of the human race. - William E. Gladstone

Don't overestimate the decency of the human race. - H L Mencken

I do not regard a broker as a member of the human race. - Honore de Balzac

Graveyards were the one place Belladonna never saw ghosts. - Helen Stringer

It's time for the human race to enter the solar system. - Dan Quayle

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

I love the spirit of Halloween and the energy that comes with it. - Katharine McPhee

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. - Mark Twain

The institution of royalty in any form is an insult to the human race. - Mark Twain

England is an empire, Germany is a nation, a race, France is a person. - Jules Michelet

The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television. - Dave Barry

In the haunted house of life, art is the only stair that doesn't creak. - Tom Robbins

The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

This poor pumpkin gave in to rot,
and all that's left is pumpkin snot. - Shirley Thomas

The people you love become ghosts inside of you, and like this you keep them alive. - Rob Montgomery

I actually have a stash of wigs for Halloween. But only for that. Not to play dress-up. - Alexa Vega

I get more distracted by hair or a really bad wig than I do costumes any day of the week. - Colleen Atwood

Somewhere in the world someone is training when you are not. When you race him, he will win. - Tom Fleming

Let's pray that the human race never escapes from Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere. - C S Lewis

I love to put on a wig, a costume, inhabit a different world and be called something different. - Susan Egan

The human race is inquisitive about other people's lives, but negligent to correct their own. - St Augustine

I'd rather sit alone on a pumpkin and have it all to myself than be crowded on a velvet cushion. - Henry David Thoreau

Everything is for sale in Hollywood; the fairy tale, the costume, the pumpkin, the footman and the mice. - Amanda Eliasch

When witches go riding and black cats are seen,
The moon laughs and whispers, 'tis near Halloween. - Unknown

The pumpkin hearing, "Let's carve and scoop,"
Ran fast as he could, leaving pumpkin poop. - Shirley Thomas

Nudist Colony Halloween parties are especially scary. They give the word 'moon' a new cruel meaning. - Ray Palla

The farther we've gotten from the magic and mystery of our past, the more we've come to need Halloween. - Paula Guran

If human beings had genuine courage, they'd wear their costumes every day of the year, not just on Halloween. - Douglas Coupland

A free Negro of the African race is not a 'citizen' within the meaning of the constitution of the United States. - Roger Taney

All Halloween candy pales next to candy corn, if only because candy corn used to appear, like the Great Pumpkin, solely on Halloween. - Rosecrans Baldwin

Halloween is one of my favorite days of the year. I have a strict rule: I don't work on Halloween and I won't travel on Halloween. - Simon Sinek

This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him. - Conan O'Brien


One

Amish Smart Car

This Rocks

Arch Support

Tired Of Snow

Drowning Danger in the Dead Sea

World Peas

Tired Truck

Harmacy

Redneck Cotter Pin

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Guitar Scooter

1947 X-ray Machine

Grouchy German

Knock Hard

Economy Flight Plan

Canadian Car Crash

Recipe Holder

Seuss Army Knife

Dustpan Waterfall

Pita Pan

Drum Kit Chandelier

TP Roll Art

Shark Circles