Redneck Bucket List

Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee

Ice Cream: What I do when scared - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I always wake up at the crack of ice. - Joe E Lewis

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

Hard Water: The scientific name for ice - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson

She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake. - Margot Asquith

Without ice cream there would be darkness and chaos. - Don Kardong

Some say the world will end in fire, some say in ice. - Robert Frost

A diamond is the only kind of ice that keeps a girl warm. - Elizabeth Taylor

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin

What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass. - David Lee Roth

Everyone makes fun of the Redneck until the Zombie Apocalypse. - Unknown

The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass. - Martin Mull

Life is too short to eat vanilla ice cream and dance with boring men. - Unknown

The last thing I want to do is hurt you but it's still on the list. - Unknown

If you want to make everyone happy, don't be a leader. Sell ice cream. - Steve Jobs

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

When it gets hot like this, you know what I do? I keep my undies in the ice box. - Marilyn Monroe

Don't throw away the old bucket until you know whether the new one holds water. - Swedish Proverb

Kidney: 1. Midpoint of a child's leg; 2. An organ used to convert beer into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

History is merely a list of surprises. It can only prepare us to be surprised yet again. - Kurt Vonnegut

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water. - Franklin P. Jones

I like ice hockey. No one is ever going to ask me to write about that as a metaphor for life. - Steven Pinker

We all get the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summer. The poor get it in the winter. - Bat Masterson

Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone. - Jim Fiebig

I'm going to the Colonel next. I'm gonna get a big bucket of chicken chests and smashed potatoes. - Archie Bunker

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy

Confront your fears, list them, get to know them, and only then will you be able to put them aside and move ahead. - Jerry Gille

When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street. - Steven Wright

When you're stressed, eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets. Why? Because stressed spelled backwards is desserts. - Unknown

Put 'eat chocolate' at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done. - Unknown

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it's on your plate - that's my philosophy. - Thornton Wilder

New Pasta Diet: Just walk pasta bakery without stopping. Walk pasta candy store without stopping. Walk pasta ice cream shop without stopping. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. - George Carlin

Passover and Easter are the only Jewish and Christian holidays that move in sync, like the ice skating pairs we saw during the winter Olympics. - Marvin Olasky

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster