#1 humor site on the 'net

Redneck Firemen

What equipment do firemen use to put out train fires?

Redneck Firemen thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

Fire safety and train crossings don't go well together

QuotaBills
Add not fire to fire. - Greek proverb

Love in its essence is spiritual fire. - Emanuel Swedenborg

The best alarm clock is sunshine on chrome. - Unknown

Since the house is on fire let us warm ourselves. - Italian Proverb

We must rekindle the fire of idealism in our society. - Joe Biden

If someone's lying, are their pants really on fire? - Jerry Seinfeld

Love is friendship set on fire. Hate is friendship burned. - Jeremy Taylor

Keep a little fire burning; however small, however hidden. - Cormac McCarthy

Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds. - Buddha

The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be kindled. - Plutarch

Be enthusiastic as a leader. You can't light a fire with a wet match. - Unknown

Yesterday is ashes; tomorrow wood. Only today does the fire burn brightly. - Eskimo Proverb

Contentment consisteth not in adding more fuel, but in taking away some fire. - Thomas Fuller

Always give them the old fire, even when you feel like a squashed cake of ice. - Ethel Merman

We feel free when we escape - even when it be from the frying pan into the fire. - Eric Hoffer

Success isn't a result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire. - Arnold H Glasow

I took a physical for some life insurance. All they would give me was fire and theft. - Milton Berle

A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald, but if he has fire, women will like him. - Mae West

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. - Steven Wright

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. - Unknown

If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? - George Carlin

This momentous question, like a fire bell in the night, awakened and filled me with terror. - Thomas Jefferson

If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction. - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

You're an old-timer if you can remember when setting the world on fire was a figure of speech. - Franklin P Jones

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? - Unknown

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train. - Oscar Wilde

Just 'cause there's snow in the basement don't mean there ain't no fire in the roof! - Archie Bunker

I don't have an alarm clock. If someone needs to wake me up, then I have my BlackBerry next to me. - Mark Zuckerberg

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. - Joan Crawford

Years steal fire from the mind as vigor from the limb; and life's enchanted cup but sparkles near the brim. - Lord Byron

I'm grateful that I never was that senior athlete who realized she'd done nothing but train all her life. - Clara Hughes

I wanted to be the first woman to burn her bra, but it would have taken the fire department four days to put it out. - Dolly Parton

I'm not just retiring from the company, I'm also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron. - Hartman Jule

Neither a wise man nor a brave man lies down on the tracks of history to wait for the train of the future to run over him. - Dwight D Eisenhower

I have a microwave fireplace in my house... The other night I laid down in front of the fire for the evening in two minutes. - Steven Wright

Doubt thou the stars are fire,
Doubt that the sun doth move,
Doubt truth to be a liar,
But never doubt I love. - William Shakespeare

It's like running a marathon race. We train all hours of the day. When you are taking a bath, you are thinking of the flight. - Kalpana Chawla

If a train is coming at you, closing your eyes won't save you... but if you look right at it, you at least have a chance to jump. - Andrew Vachss

At fifty, the madwoman in the attic breaks loose, stomps down the stairs, and sets fire to the house. She won't be imprisoned anymore. - Erica Jong

Do not train boys to learning by force and harshness, but lead them by what amuses them, so that they may better discover the bent of their minds. - Plato


Stool There

Soldier Tribute

It Was That Close

Messy Temper Tantrum

Big Tame Hunter

Exactly Enough Space

Coca Cola Twins

Sidetracked Baby

Breakthrough Blessings

Pauper's Graveside Service

Are You Ready?

Pulling The Wool Over Your Eyes

Girlfriends

How To Weigh Yourself Correctly

Bungee Cord Suspenders

Clogged Drain

Lum-Purr-Jack

Cookie King

Time Travel

How To Hide Candy

Little Shaver

T-Rex Breakthrough

Wise Moves

Braille in the Park