Redneck Flu Shot

Good wine needs no vine. - French Proverb

Save water - drink vodka. - Unknown

Payday came and with it beer. - Rudyard Kipling

I like a wine that fights back. - John Steed

Wine and children speak the truth. - Greek Proverb

Does wine count as a serving of fruit? - Joe-kster

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker

We only serve fine wine. Did you bring any? - Unknown

I'm Hybrid. I run on chocolate and wine. - Unknown

Good friends, like wine, get better with age. - Unknown

Draft Dodger: Someone who avoids beer on tap. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Beer: The method of turning grain into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Wine is the most civilized thing in the world. - Ernest Hemingway

What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. - Irish Proverb

I'm just one stomach flu away from my goal weight. - The Devil Wears Prada

Bladder: The human apparatus that pays the tax on beer - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin

It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst

Stop trying to make everybody happy - you're not tequila. - Unknown

One martini is all right, two is too many, three is not enough. - James Thurber

Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends. - Tom Waits

Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown

Too much of anything is bad. Too much of good whisky is barely enough. - Mark Twain

A raise is like a martini: it elevates the spirit, but only temporarily. - Dan Seligman

To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy. - Frank Sinatra

Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine. - Casablanca

Equine Influenza: A viral respiratory disease which causes flu-like symptoms in horses - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Why is it that everybody's suing the tobacco companies and not the alcohol companies? - Donald Trump

Measure thy life by loss instead of gain, not by the wine drunk, but the wine poured forth. - Harriet King

I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often - but I'm well preserved. - Rose Kennedy

Just as Jesus created wine from water, we humans are capable of transmuting emotion into music. - Carlos Santana

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days. - Groucho Marx

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. - Fran Lebowitz

Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism. - Carl Jung

I'm making wine at home, but I'm making it out of raisins so it will be aged automatically. - Steven Wright

Milk is the drink of babies, tea the drink of women, water the drink of beasts, and wine is the drink of the gods. - John S Blackie

We have embarked upon the world's largest and longest cocktail party, and every issue imaginable is up for grabs. - Geoffrey Moore

I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off. - Pat Paulsen

You pretty much can't get away from bacon or whiskey in the South. Put a doughnut in it and you'd be good to go. - Hillary Scott

A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine; something Brussels Sprouts never do. - P.J. O'Rourke

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. - Mitch Ratcliffe

When I have an idea, I turn down the flame, as if it were a little alcohol stove, as low as it will go. Then it explodes and that is my idea. - Ernest Hemingway

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

Morals are not, like bacon, to be cured by hanging; nor, like wine, to be improved by sea voyages; nor, like honey, to be preserved in cells. - William Taylor

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster