Russian Car Pool

My parents put a live teddy bear in my crib. - Woody Allen

So we get the chinks we will bear the stinks. - English Proverb

I can't win. Love is Russian Roulette for me. - Freddie Mercury

Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig

All the real things in Russia are done in the villages. - Ernest Poole

Russia is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma. - Winston Churchill

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

In Russia, if a male athlete loses he becomes a female athlete. - Yakov Smirnoff

Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

The greatest test of courage on earth is to bear defeat without losing heart. - Robert Ingersoll

Bulls and bears aren't responsible for as many stock losses as bum steers. - Olin Miller

It's not the bulls or the bears you need to avoid, it's the bum steers. - Chuck Hillis

Philosophy may teach us to bear with equanimity the misfortunes of our neighbors. - Oscar Wilde

You don't have to carry a designer bag that costs more than a car to look cool. - Kesha

Human beings can't bear silence. It would mean that they would bear themselves. - Pascal Mercier

A bear can juggle and stand on a ball and he's talented, but he's not famous. - Kim Kardashian

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push. - Rodney Dangerfield

In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, the Party can always find you. - Yakov Smirnoff

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

The ideal man bears the accidents of life with dignity and grace, making the best of circumstances. - Aristotle

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

I took a speed reading course and read "War and Peace" in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. - Woody Allen

Ex-Presidents of the United States get state subsidies. Not so in Russia. You get no government support. - Mikhail Gorbachev

My favorite animal is a polar bear. They're going extinct, and I really don't want that to happen. - Quvenzhane Wallis

Many commit the same crime with very different results. One bears a cross for his crime, the other a crown. - Juvenal

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

The vine bears three kinds of grapes: the first of pleasure, the second of intoxication, the third of disgust. - Diogenes

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

Join voices, all ye living souls: ye birds,
That singing up to heaven-gate ascend,
Bear on your wings and in your notes his praise. - John Milton

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright