#1 humor site on the 'net

Stretch Jeep

Preparing for travel with a large family

Stretch Jeep thanks to Alana Hanert

Big parking spot for a big car

QuotaBills
Life is too short for traffic. - Dan Bellack

I like to stretch my acting muscles. - Samantha Morton

You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg

When a police officer tells you to stay in the car, you stay in the car. - Reese Witherspoon

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic. - Dan Rather

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push. - Rodney Dangerfield

Gaming goes in trends, and for a bit of a too-long stretch, it focused on huge productions. - Markus Persson

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

A good role is something that will stretch your abilities and make you go beyond your levels. - Jennifer Winget

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

Police officers may drive black and white cars, however what goes on in their job is a lot of gray. - Arik Matson

Standing in the middle of the road is very dangerous; you get knocked down by traffic from both sides. - Margaret Thatcher

It's much easier to double your business by doubling your conversion rate than doubling your traffic. - Bryan Eisenberg

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pick-up truck, and end up with a station wagon. - Tim Allen

What we think determines what happens to us, so if we want to change our lives, we need to stretch our minds. - Wayne Dyer

My job is not to make decisions but to set stretch objectives and help our managers work out how to reach them. - Sergio Marchionne

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

Do you think you're safe in a car with your seatbelt on? Dream on. My friend thought so. Now she's pregnant. - Anke Engelke

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

Menopause: because nature decided that pregnancy, labor, delivery, breastfeeding, and stretch marks wasn't enough. - Unknown

If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 2,000 MPG. - Bill Gates

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

It is good to be tired and wearied by the futile search after the true good, that we may stretch out our arms to the Redeemer. - Blaise Pascal

If I'm losing balance in a pose, I stretch higher and God reaches down to steady me. It works every time, and not just in yoga. - T. Guillemets

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

Nothing's as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families. - Tim Allen

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

Condemn none: if you can stretch out a helping hand, do so. If you cannot, fold your hands, bless your brothers, and let them go their own way. - Swami Vivekananda

Every job I do, I like to think it makes me better, or I learn things. It's all about how much something's going to stretch me or test me. - Daniel Radcliffe

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright

Traveling the world was a constant thing, rich with experiences. But all of it was relative to being able to play live onstage and really stretch out. - Jimmy Page


Venice on a Shoestring Budget

New Truck Key

Spiderman's Car

Knife Throwing Act

Another Day In Traffic

Australian Cyclist

Garden Gnome

Mute Button

Pardon My French

Irish Pothole

Yoga Pants

Baby Illusion

Mother Wrench's Gripping Story

Sechelt Sunrays

Russian BiteLifter

Propane Diving

Scuba Diving Sucks

Louisiana Turtle Dogs

Special Offer

Parking Squeeze

Music Note Chairlift

Gangsta

Reformed Buddhists

Redneck Mirror