Tear-Paper Wall

What is a home without children? Quiet. - Henny Youngman

Oscar night at my house is called Passover. - Bob Hope

Nature is not a place to visit. It is home. - Gary Snyder

A road to a friend's house is never long. - Danish Proverb

There are no elevators in the house of success. - H.H. Vreeland

Heaven is home. Utopia is here. Nirvana is now. - Edward Abbey

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. - Jimmy Durante

The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

A man's home is his castle, and his wife is the janitor. - Lucille Kallen

I can't clean house and save the world at the same time. - Unknown

To be happy in the home is the ultimate result of all ambition. - Samuel Johnson

In my house I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker. - Woody Allen

Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino

At worst, a house unkept cannot be so distressing as a life unlived. - Rose Macaulay

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I got there. - Steven Wright

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs. - Steven Wright

The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights. - Will Rogers

A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it. - George Moore

A person is happiest whether they be rich or poor, when there is peace in their home. - Unknown

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. - Phyllis Diller

Strength of character may be learned at work, but beauty of character is learned at home. - Henry Drummond

People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House. - Robin Williams

In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above, so I never have to go upstairs. - Steven Wright

You leave home to seek your fortune and, when you get it, you go home and share it with your family. - Anita Baker

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler. - WC Fields

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. - Joan Crawford

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant - and let the air out of the tires. - Dorothy Parker

All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes. - Steven Wright

No one realizes how beautiful it is to travel until he comes home and rests his head on his old, familiar pillow. - Lin Yutang

A little House well fill'd, a little Field well till'd, and a little Wife well will'd, are great Riches. - Benjamin Franklin

My house is on the median strip of a highway. You don't really notice, except I have to leave the driveway doing 60 MPH. - Steven Wright

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

Talking is a hydrant in the yard and writing is a faucet upstairs in the house. Opening the first takes the pressure off the second. - Robert Frost

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

An expert is somebody who is more than fifty miles from home, has no responsibility for implementing the advice he gives, and shows slides. - Edwin Meese

Science is built up with facts, as a house is with stones. But a collection of facts is not more a science than a heap of stones is a house. - Jules Poincare

I am a gypsy. I haven't had a home for a long time. Call me a homeless person - I just throw everything in a bag and I'm good to go. - Taylor Kinney