#1 humor site on the 'net

Unfortunate Sign Burnouts

Worn out signs with alternate meanings

Unfortunate Sign Burnouts thanks to Keith Blake

When you're hurt and need Elf Storage

QuotaBills
A light heart lives long. - William Shakespeare

He lights up a room when he leaves it. - Henny Youngman

What is to give light must endure burning. - Viktor Frankl

A proverb is much light condensed in one flash. - Simmons

Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind. - Terry Pratchett

Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel is a train. - Charles Barkley

How many people does it take to change a searchlight bulb? - Steven Wright

It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness. - Chinese Proverb

The sign said "eight items or less." So I changed my name to Les. - Steven Wright

Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light. - Helen Keller

We cannot hold a torch to light another's path without brightening our own. - Unknown

I got something important here to read and sign and I gotta consecrate on that. - Archie Bunker

Treat your friends as you do your pictures, and place them in their best light. - Jennie Jerome Churchill

Truth is like heat or light; its vibrations are endless, and are endlessly felt. - Margaret Deland

Who is more foolish, the child afraid of the dark or the man afraid of the light? - Maurice Freehill

The landscape of Texas is in all my work. It's that light; it's that sky. - Robert Wilson

A good teacher is like a candle - it consumes itself to light the way for others. - Unknown

If you're not failing now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe. - Woody Allen

Contradiction is not a sign of falsity, nor the lack of contradiction a sign of truth. - Blaise Pascal

Oh say can you see, by the dawn's early light. What so proudly we hailed. Of thee I sing. - Archie Bunker

If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk? - Laurence J. Peter

We have been too long in darkness. Once already we have been in the light, and we want it again. - Alexander Dubcek

The art of art, the glory of expression, and the sunshine of the light of letters, is simplicity. - Walt Whitman

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. - Woody Allen

If the sign on your heart says, "WELCOME", the love will come pouring in from everywhere. - Susan Jeffers

Fathers are like a lighthouse - when there is fog his children can always depend on seeing the light. - Unknown

I saw a sign: "Rest Area 25 Miles". That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired. - Steven Wright

The mind of a bigot is like the pupil of the eye. The more light you shine on it, the more it will contract. - Oliver Wendell Homes, Jr.

In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don't. - Blaise Pascal

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

Who is apt, on occasion, to assign a multitude of reasons when one will do? This is a sure sign of weakness in argument. - Harriet Martineau

It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. - Woody Allen

Human beings will line up for miles to buy a bucket of catastrophes, but don't try selling sunshine and light; you'll go broke. - Chuck Jones

My candle burns at both ends,
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends -
It gives a lovely light! - Edna St Vincent Millay

If I were a flower,
humming bird would be my favourite bee
And If I were blind,
the light of darkness I'd love to see - Munia Khan

You are a divine being. You matter, you count. You come from realms of unimaginable power and light, and you will return to those realms. - Terence McKenna

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home. - Dennis Miller

If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life. - Will Advise

Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros


Friday the 13th

LadyNet

I Can Explain It

Parallel Parking Car

Frog Long Jumper's Rest Break

Road To Nowhere

Hobbit Love

Vibrations

On Short Notice

Octopi

Big Birthday Surprise

Cliff Side Camping

Childhood Obesity

Meccano Shoe

2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

OCD Floor Tiles

Wedding Cake for Men

Baby Birth

Chicken Roost

Magnetic Personality

Cold Corners

Swiss Minigun

Underwater Plane

Fire Destroyed