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VW Owner
One of the best reasons for owning a Volkswagen
"Sooner or later, your wife will drive home one of the best reasons for owning a Volkswagen.
Women are soft and gentle, but they hit things. If your wife hits something in a Volkswagen, it doesn’t hurt you very much.
VW parts are easy to replace. And cheap.
A fender comes off without dismantling half the car.
A new one goes on with just ten bolts, for $24.95, plus labor.
And a VW dealer always has the kind of fender you need.
Because that’s the one kind he has.
Most other VW parts are interchangeable too. Inside and out.
Which means your wife isn’t limited to fender smashing.
She can job the hood. Graze the door. Or bump the bumper.
It may make you furious, but it won’t make you poor.
So when your wife goes window-shopping in a Volkswagen, don’t worry. You can conveniently replace anything she uses to stop the car. Even the brakes."
Women are soft and gentle, but they hit things. If your wife hits something in a Volkswagen, it doesn’t hurt you very much.
VW parts are easy to replace. And cheap.
A fender comes off without dismantling half the car.
A new one goes on with just ten bolts, for $24.95, plus labor.
And a VW dealer always has the kind of fender you need.
Because that’s the one kind he has.
Most other VW parts are interchangeable too. Inside and out.
Which means your wife isn’t limited to fender smashing.
She can job the hood. Graze the door. Or bump the bumper.
It may make you furious, but it won’t make you poor.
So when your wife goes window-shopping in a Volkswagen, don’t worry. You can conveniently replace anything she uses to stop the car. Even the brakes."
Never insult anyone by accident. - Robert A. Heinlein
Ideal Wife: Any woman who has an ideal husband - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Stardom isn't a profession, it's an accident. - Lauren Bacall
Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig
Antibody: 1. Against everyone; 2. Your Uncle's wife. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
My wife and I were happy for twenty years... then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield
My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments. - John Barrymore
I give unto my wife my second best bed, with the furniture. - William Shakespeare
A man's home is his castle, and his wife is the janitor. - Lucille Kallen
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Rodney Dangerfield
The antiques my wife buys at auctions are keeping me baroque. - Peter De Vries
Giving never happens by accident. It's always intentional. - Amy Grant
The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore
We all thought we'd have flying cars by now, but we don't. - Dana Brunetti
My wife and I are getting remarried. Our divorce didn't work out. - Rodney Dangerfield
When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason. - Molly McGee
When a police officer tells you to stay in the car, you stay in the car. - Reese Witherspoon
The secrets of success are a good wife and a steady job. My wife told me. - Howard Nemerov
Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson
When a man retires his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. - Chi Chi Rodriguez
My best friend ran away with my wife. And let me tell you, I really miss him. - Henny Youngman
A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont
No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. - Unknown
If you treat your wife like a thoroughbred, you'll never end up with a nag. - Zig Ziglar
Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion. - Mark Twain
Bimbo: Any woman to whom you pay a compliment, while in the company of your wife - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker
Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown
A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen
My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng
Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. - Bill Cosby
I'm a very committed wife. I should be committed, too, for being married so many times. - Elizabeth Taylor
To be born free is an accident; to live free a responsibility; to die free is an obligation. - Mrs. Hubbard Davis
The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker
Shady Character: A fellow who snoozes in a hammock under a tree while his wife mows the lawn - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright
Wise Husband: One who buys his wife such fine china she won't trust him to wash the dishes - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams
A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries
Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day. - Jay Leno
If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you'll be married to a man who cheats on his wife. - Ann Landers
The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck
When Henry Ford made cheap, reliable cars people said, 'Nah, what's wrong with a horse?' - Elon Musk
I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. - Rodney Dangerfield
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they are on the same side. - Zig Ziglar
My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman
No man succeeds without a good woman behind him. Wife or mother, if it is both, he is twice blessed indeed. - Godfrey Winn
A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere. - Jay Shetty
I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare
Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. - Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless. - Rodney Dangerfield
I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough
I'm amazed that my wife and I created two human beings from scratch, yet struggle to assemble the most basic of IKEA cabinets. - John Kinnear
One disadvantage of being a hog is that at any moment some blundering fool may try to make a silk purse out of your wife's ear. - J.B. Morton
It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor
Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket, or a holding pattern over Philadelphia. - Judith Viorst
A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle
When my wife says she'll be ready in 5 minutes, I know I have just enough time to fly to space and write a poem on the moon before we go. - Mike Vanatta
My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx
Being a dad isn't just about eating a huge bag of gummy bears as your wife gives birth. It means being comfortable with the word 'hero.' - Ryan Reynolds
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright
Ideal Wife: Any woman who has an ideal husband - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Stardom isn't a profession, it's an accident. - Lauren Bacall
Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig
Antibody: 1. Against everyone; 2. Your Uncle's wife. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
My wife and I were happy for twenty years... then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield
My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments. - John Barrymore
I give unto my wife my second best bed, with the furniture. - William Shakespeare
A man's home is his castle, and his wife is the janitor. - Lucille Kallen
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Rodney Dangerfield
The antiques my wife buys at auctions are keeping me baroque. - Peter De Vries
Giving never happens by accident. It's always intentional. - Amy Grant
The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore
We all thought we'd have flying cars by now, but we don't. - Dana Brunetti
My wife and I are getting remarried. Our divorce didn't work out. - Rodney Dangerfield
When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason. - Molly McGee
When a police officer tells you to stay in the car, you stay in the car. - Reese Witherspoon
The secrets of success are a good wife and a steady job. My wife told me. - Howard Nemerov
Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson
When a man retires his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. - Chi Chi Rodriguez
My best friend ran away with my wife. And let me tell you, I really miss him. - Henny Youngman
A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont
No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. - Unknown
If you treat your wife like a thoroughbred, you'll never end up with a nag. - Zig Ziglar
Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion. - Mark Twain
Bimbo: Any woman to whom you pay a compliment, while in the company of your wife - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker
Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown
A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen
My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng
Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. - Bill Cosby
I'm a very committed wife. I should be committed, too, for being married so many times. - Elizabeth Taylor
To be born free is an accident; to live free a responsibility; to die free is an obligation. - Mrs. Hubbard Davis
The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker
Shady Character: A fellow who snoozes in a hammock under a tree while his wife mows the lawn - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright
Wise Husband: One who buys his wife such fine china she won't trust him to wash the dishes - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams
A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries
Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day. - Jay Leno
If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you'll be married to a man who cheats on his wife. - Ann Landers
The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck
When Henry Ford made cheap, reliable cars people said, 'Nah, what's wrong with a horse?' - Elon Musk
I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. - Rodney Dangerfield
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they are on the same side. - Zig Ziglar
My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman
No man succeeds without a good woman behind him. Wife or mother, if it is both, he is twice blessed indeed. - Godfrey Winn
A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere. - Jay Shetty
I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare
Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. - Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless. - Rodney Dangerfield
I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough
I'm amazed that my wife and I created two human beings from scratch, yet struggle to assemble the most basic of IKEA cabinets. - John Kinnear
One disadvantage of being a hog is that at any moment some blundering fool may try to make a silk purse out of your wife's ear. - J.B. Morton
It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor
Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket, or a holding pattern over Philadelphia. - Judith Viorst
A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle
When my wife says she'll be ready in 5 minutes, I know I have just enough time to fly to space and write a poem on the moon before we go. - Mike Vanatta
My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx
Being a dad isn't just about eating a huge bag of gummy bears as your wife gives birth. It means being comfortable with the word 'hero.' - Ryan Reynolds
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright
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