When You Gotta Go

Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. - King George V

What happens in the hot tub stays in the hot tub. - Aussie Swimmer

Raising kids is a walk in the park. Jurassic Park. - Unknown

Oh, that sound? I'm in the hot tub, reading a novel. - Jane Smiley

The kitchen. The bathroom. The yin and yang of the household. - David C. Holley

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

I used to practice Tony speeches in my bathroom with my hairbrush. - Audra McDonald

My grandmother took a bath every year, whether she was dirty or not. - Brendan Behan

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex. - Bill Maher

Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. - Unknown

All kids are gifted: some just open their packages earlier than others. - Michael Carr

Silence is golden unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious. - Unknown

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford

I started singing in the bathroom. Nothing was coming out. It was ghastly. - Rod Stewart

Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri

God will never give you anything you can't handle, so don't stress. - Kelly Clarkson

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

I threw the kitchen sink at him, but he went to the bathroom and got his tub. - Andy Roddick

Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf. - Gene Perret

The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids. - Jill Bensley

I'd rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous. - Ani DiFranco

Man should not try to avoid stress any more than he would shun food, love, or exercise. - Hans Selye

Hopefully, kids realize you can do anything you want. Skateboarding can be that gateway. - Ryan Sheckler

A rich person should leave his kids enough to do something, but not enough to do nothing. - Warren Buffett

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom. - Bob Hope

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath, and she'd come in and sink my boats. - Woody Allen

With every bathroom renovation, there are three areas that I focus on: budget, function and style. - Candice Olson

Field hockey is my strongest sport, and if I lose a game, I take a long, hot bath and moan about it. - Emma Watson

No matter how long we've been together Edith, you still, as the kids say, "turn me over." - Archie Bunker

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

Here lies my past.
Good-bye I have kissed it;
Thank you, kids.
I wouldn’t have missed it. - Ogden Nash

You know you're a mom when you go to the store for yourself and come out with a bag of things for your kids. - Unknown

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

It's like running a marathon race. We train all hours of the day. When you are taking a bath, you are thinking of the flight. - Kalpana Chawla

When it comes to hockey, it's been in my blood since I was 3 or 4 years old. I love coaching the kids, especially at that level. - Mario Lemieux

Having kids - the responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, responsible human beings - is the biggest job anyone can embark on. - Maria Shriver

Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright