When You Gotta Go

Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

Do your kids a favor - don't have any. - Robert Orben

Goat Herder: A person who likes to work with kids - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Raising kids is a walk in the park. Jurassic Park. - Unknown

Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare. - Ed Asner

Oh, that sound? I'm in the hot tub, reading a novel. - Jane Smiley

Juvenile Delinquency: Modern term for what we did as kids - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I never feel so much myself as when I'm in a hot bath. - Sylvia Plath

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie. - David Mamet

I used to practice Tony speeches in my bathroom with my hairbrush. - Audra McDonald

Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. - Unknown

It never fails - you get in the bath and there's a rub at the lamp. - Robin Williams

Stress is an important dragon to slay - or at least tame - in your life. - Marilu Henner

Silence is golden unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious. - Unknown

Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness. - Richard Carlson

My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother. - Ronnie Spector

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. - Fred Astaire

I'm not buying my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did. - Yogi Berra

There are two things that Jack Bauer never does. Show mercy, and go to the bathroom. - Kiefer Sutherland

If we would listen to our kids, we'd discover that they are largely self-explanatory. - Robert Brault

Zucchini: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Having kids is the ultimate job in life. I want to be most successful at being a good father. - Nick Lachey

There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. - Sylvia Plath

Golden Age: When the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You know how kids dream of being soccer players or actors? Well, my dream was to be a sushi chef. - Nobu Matsuhisa

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin

No matter how long we've been together Edith, you still, as the kids say, "turn me over." - Archie Bunker

All kids are trouble, Edith. And I don't wanna spend my reclining years trying to raise another one. - Archie Bunker

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

I sleep with a light on in the bathroom so I can see where I'm at, because I wake up and have no clue. - Carrie Underwood

Here lies my past.
Good-bye I have kissed it;
Thank you, kids.
I wouldn’t have missed it. - Ogden Nash

You know you're a mom when you go to the store for yourself and come out with a bag of things for your kids. - Unknown

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

Technology is just a tool. In terms of getting the kids working together and motivating them, the teacher is the most important. - Bill Gates

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

When it comes to hockey, it's been in my blood since I was 3 or 4 years old. I love coaching the kids, especially at that level. - Mario Lemieux

Having kids - the responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, responsible human beings - is the biggest job anyone can embark on. - Maria Shriver

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

If you want your kids to listen to you, don't yell at them. Whisper. Make them lean in. My kids taught me that. I do it with adults now. - Mario Batali