#1 humor site on the 'net

Where Not To Fall A Tree

Some pickups aren't big enough for amateur tree fallers

Where Not To Fall A Tree thanks to Wayne Nowazek

How to make the most room available for stacking cut firewood

Do you have a dead tree or a dead pickup truck?
QuotaBills
Friendship is a sheltering tree. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Trees often transplanted seldom prosper. - Flemish Proverb

The apple will fall under the apple tree. - Greek Proverb

What kind of man gives cigarettes to trees? - Robin Williams

The righteous will flourish like the palm tree. - Psalms 92:12

Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do. - Ronald Reagan

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

The trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit. - Moliere

If you hate where you are, move - you are not a tree. - Unknown

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap. - Rodney Dangerfield

He knows his olive trees better than he knows his children. - Rebecca Helm-Ropelato

I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree. - Joyce Kilmer

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. - Frederick Douglass

I have a furniture problem. My chest has fallen into my drawers. - Billy Casper

I ordered a bed from IKEA and they sent me a tree trunk and a saw. - Eileen Curtright

Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come. - Chinese Proverb

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, does it make a sound? - Unknown

The trees in Siberia are miles apart - that's why the dogs are so fast. - Bob Hope

Learn not to talk to me. You shake the tree, a leopard's going to fall out. - Kobe Bryant

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. - Fred Allen

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

It will never rain roses. When we want to have more roses, we must plant more trees. - George Eliot

The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit. - Nelson Henderson

Someone's sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago. - Warren Buffett

Transplanting the ballet to the United States is like trying to raise a palm tree in Dakota. - Lincoln Kirsten

The stars are like the trees in the forest, alive and breathing. And they're watching me. - Haruki Murakami

If I had six hours to chop down a tree, I'd spend the first four hours sharpening the axe. - Abraham Lincoln

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." - Steven Wright

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. - Thomas Jefferson

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times. - Rita Rudner

If you reveal your secrets to the wind, don't blame the wind for revealing them to the trees. - Kahlil Gibran

Knowing trees, I understand the meaning of patience. Knowing grass, I can appreciate persistence. - Hal Borland

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

The reason there are so many tree-lined boulevards in Paris is so the German army can march in the shade. - George S Patton

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

There's nothing to match curling up with a good book when there's a repair job to be done around the house. - Joe Ryan

Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. - John Muir

You can't be suspicious of a tree, or accuse a bird or a squirrel of subversion or challenge the ideology of a violet. - Hal Borland

When anyone asks me about the Irish character, I say look at the trees. Maimed, stark and misshapen, but ferociously tenacious. - Unknown

On the top of the Crumpetty Tree
The Quangle Wangle sat,
But his face you could not see,
On account of his Beaver Hat. - Edward Lear


Crocodile Floor

Hummer Carriage

Antler Switch Plate

Redneck Cotter Pin

Redneck Bulldozer

Your Fly Is Down

Chili Rub

Tire Rotation

Political Promise Hauler

Steering Wheel For Couples

Confined By Walls

Moon Descent

Redneck Selfie Stick

1957 Woolworth Menu

Cops Beating A Black Man in NYC

The New Norm

Police Car Of The Year

If You're Looking For A Sign

Upside Down Amusement

Bread Zeppelin

Special Second Meal

Perfect Grill

Heat Expands

Drink, Don't Drive!