#1 humor site on the 'net

Always Cover Your Wiener

Dachshund clothing secrets

Always Cover Your Wiener thanks to Wayne Nowazek

The Dachshund is a short-legged, long-bodied dog breed belonging to the hound family

QuotaBills
France is a dog-hole. - William Shakespeare

Every dog has his day. - Unknown

Let fightin' dogs lie - Archie Bunker

Never let the tail wag the dog. - Unknown

A hard dog to keep on the porch. - Hillary Clinton

Dogs never bite me. Just humans. - Marilyn Monroe

Zit: Command given to a spotted dog - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A dog has the soul of a philosopher. - Plato

Lassitude: A heroic dog with attitude - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

To err is human, for forgive, canine. - Unknown

How much is that doggie in the window? - Bob Merrill

A dog in desperation will leap over a wall. - Unknown

You can't teach a young dog old tricks. - Warren Buffett

Get the hanging dog expression off your face. - Archie Bunker

He who lies down with dogs, rises with fleas. - English Proverb

If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. - Harry S Truman

Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers

Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend. - Corey Ford

Be on your guard against a silent dog and still water. - Latin Proverb

I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too! - The Wizard of Oz

Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. - Leo Rosten

Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad. - WC Fields

Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen. - Unknown

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. - Andy Rooney

Dogs come into our lives and leave paw prints on our hearts. - Unknown

Elixir: What a dog does to his owner when she gives him a bone - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A facility for quotation covers the absence of original thought. - Dorothy L. Sayers

Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer. - Leo Rosten

What if my trousers are shabby and worn, they cover a warm heart. - Tom Masson

I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish. - Phyllis Diller

Don't judge a book by its cover 'til you've read the book. - Jamie Lee Curtis

I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me. - William Shakespeare

Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores

There are books of which the backs and covers are by far the best parts. - Charles Dickens

It was a great interview process. They were fighting like cats and dogs. - Donald Trump

There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Ben Williams

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. - Aldous Huxley

If I could be half the person my dog is, I'd be twice the human I am. - Unknown

Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

The trees in Siberia are miles apart - that's why the dogs are so fast. - Bob Hope

I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine

Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother willing to let him have one. - Unknown

Raising boys is like raising puppies. One must take them for a walk every few hours. - Jody Defries

The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness. - Robert M. Hutchins

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers

It's not the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog. - Mark Twain

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

I'm gonna put extra blankets, free, in all your rooms, and there'll be no cover charge. - Groucho Marx

Yes, darling, let me cover your face with kisses. On second thought, just let me cover your face. - Groucho Marx

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives. - Sue Murphy

Ever wonder where you'd end up if you took your dog for a walk and never once pulled back on the leash? - Robert Brault

When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is certain dogs I know will go to heaven, and very, very few people. - James Thurber

When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you. - Nora Ephron

An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut

I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

The trout enjoys the river,
The whale enjoys the sea,
And dogs love most an old lamp-post,
But you're my cup of tea. - W H Auden

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain

Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz


Fish Injuries

Nuclear Waste Truck

Rock Watcher

Frog Waltz

Filling The Water Truck

DMV Office

Pawano Lessons

I'm Full

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Be Anything You Want

Drama Queen Diary

Shadow Box Art

Spring Sock Clearance

Dating Time Saver

Coca Cola Twins

Water Relief

Moscow Beach

Diaper Change

Believe In Yourself

Tooth Loss

Adaptive Roots

Corner Stone Art

He Looked Thirsty

Back Peddling Violinist