#1 humor site on the 'net

Always Cover Your Wiener

Dachshund clothing secrets

Always Cover Your Wiener thanks to Wayne Nowazek

The Dachshund is a short-legged, long-bodied dog breed belonging to the hound family

QuotaBills
Colic: A sheep dog - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

France is a dog-hole. - William Shakespeare

Let sleeping dogs lie. - French Proverb

Let fightin' dogs lie - Archie Bunker

Happiness is a warm puppy. - Charles Schulz

Dyspupsia: Being sick as a dog. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dogs never bite me. Just humans. - Marilyn Monroe

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff. - Unknown

Zit: Command given to a spotted dog - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A dog has the soul of a philosopher. - Plato

Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins. - Mark Twain

To err is human, for forgive, canine. - Unknown

An angry dog is best led by its tail. - Unknown

The view only changes for the lead dog. - Norman O. Brown

Dogs that bark at a distance never bite. - Unknown

The covers of this book are too far apart. - Ambrose Bierce

The dog represents all that is best in man. - Etienne Charlet

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. - Madame de Stael

Get the hanging dog expression off your face. - Archie Bunker

Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers

One trained dog equals 60 search-and-rescue workers. - Charles Stoehr

Be on your guard against a silent dog and still water. - Latin Proverb

The scalded dog fears hot water, and afterwards, cold. - Italian Proverb

Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. - Leo Rosten

Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad. - WC Fields

Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen. - Unknown

Hot Dog: The only animal that feeds the hand that bites it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. - Roger Caras

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them. - Roseanne Barr

The dog who meets with a good master is the happier of the two. - Maurice Maeterlinck

A facility for quotation covers the absence of original thought. - Dorothy L. Sayers

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. - Edward Abbey

If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one. - Andrew A. Rooney

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

What if my trousers are shabby and worn, they cover a warm heart. - Tom Masson

No man should live where he can hear his neighbor's dog bark. - Nathaniel Macon

I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish. - Phyllis Diller

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P Jones

A dog has lots of friends because he wags his tail and not his tongue. - Unknown

Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself. - Josh Billings

I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine

Observe your dog: if he's fat, then you're not getting enough exercise. - Evan Esar

Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother willing to let him have one. - Unknown

Diplomacy is the art of saying, "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock. - Will Rogers

I am obsessed with Costco. I love the salmon and rotisserie chicken, the dog beds. - Kris Jenner

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez

The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness. - Robert M. Hutchins

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx

What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton

For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

Ever wonder where you'd end up if you took your dog for a walk and never once pulled back on the leash? - Robert Brault

Every video I'm in, every magazine cover, they stretch you, they make you perfect. It's not real life. - Lady Gaga

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. - Unknown

Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink and make the combination worthless. - Milton Friedman

When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you. - Nora Ephron

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper and you get more feet. - Rita Rudner

An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut

It is better to be violent, if there is violence in our hearts, than to put on the cloak of nonviolence to cover impotence. - Mahatma Gandhi

My girlfriend's dog died. So I got her an identical one. She was livid; 'What am I going to do with two dead dogs?' - Gary Delaney

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain


mIndians

Mouthful Of Information

Happy Face Sandwich

Senior Eye Exam

Chubby Free

Pirrows

Young Rock Star

Restored Beauty

Powerplant Swimsuit Models

Watermelon Cake

Sharkini

Julyed

Filet Minion

Better Singer

Texas Basketball

Grow Food, Not Lawns

Nut Salesman

Long Yellow Things

Ants Know When Something Is Fake

Think Outside

Despicable Wood Stove

Engineering Flowchart

Egotist

Hunter's Dream Wedding