Bed Ridden and Proud Of It

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. - Haruki Murakami

When life hands you lemons, make whiskey sours. - WC Fields

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain. - WC Fields

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

Through pain I've learned to comfort suffering men. - Virgil

Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting? - WC Fields

It is easy to stand a pain, but difficult to stand an itch. - Chang Ch'ao

Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

Suicide doesn't end the pain. It just passes it on to someone else. - James Kirkup

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love. - Sophocles

Out of suffering comes creativity. You cannot spell painting without pain. - John Lithgow

Shared pain is lessened; shared joy, increased - thus do we refute entropy. - Spider Robinson

To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

Logic, like whiskey, loses its beneficial effect when taken in too large quantities. - Lord Dunsany

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt. - Erma Bombeck

Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold

You can judge your age by the amount of pain you feel when you come in contact with a new idea. - Pearl S. Buck

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

When you’re a nurse you know that every day you will touch a life or a life will touch yours. - Unknown

You might be a nurse if you firmly believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis. - Unknown

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. - Albert Einstein

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown