#1 humor site on the 'net

Canadian Math

Disclaimer: hockey puck velocity may vary from rink to rink

Canadian Math thanks to Jerry VanHorne

In classical mechanics, linear momentum or translational momentum is the product of the mass and velocity of an object. In Canada, p=mv where p=puck, m=movement (as in towards an octopus), and v=velo city (in Newfoundland, eh)

QuotaBills
Center Of Mass: The Priest - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I was bitten by an octopus. - Ted Cruz

In Canada, things are very honest. - Jim Pattison

I look at Canada like a second home. - Prince Andrew

To succeed in hockey, you need teamwork. - Henry Samueli

Canada's the best country in the world. - Justin Bieber

I don't even know what street Canada is on. - Al Capone

School Of Hard Knocks: Where they train door-to-door salesmen - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Ninety percent of hockey is mental and the other half is physical. - Wayne Gretzky

All hockey players are bilingual. They know English and profanity. - Gordie Howe

In science there is only physics; all the rest is stamp collecting. - Lord Kelvin

For our immediate family and relatives, Canada was a land of opportunity. - Sidney Altman

College Education: A four-year plan for confusing a young mind methodically. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My goal was to play in the NHL, because that is the best hockey in the world. - Jaromir Jagr

Canada is the only country in the world that knows how to live without an identity. - Marshall McLuhan

I still have my teeth. I don't want to lose them at age 61 in some hockey game. - Jim Flaherty

For the things of this world cannot be made known without a knowledge of mathematics. - Roger Bacon

Let us grant that the pursuit of mathematics is a divine madness of the human spirit. - Alfred Whitehead

I can get motivated seeing a kid at my son's school overcome a learning disability. - Jason Alexander

Canada is founded upon principles that recognize the supremacy of God and the rule of law. - Stockwell Day

Do not worry about your difficulties in mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater. - Albert Einstein

Cajun is country food by farmers and fisherman that arrived in Louisiana from Acadiana, Canada. - Paul Prudhomme

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years. - George Burns

If the national mental illness of the United States is megalomania, that of Canada is paranoid schizophrenia. - Margaret Atwood

I played basketball in high school, and I love watching sports - I'll watch everything except maybe hockey. - Andy Roddick

Canada's political parties spend a few years in opposition and then govern as if it's permanent payback time. - Bob Rae

I was born in Canada for a reason. It was because my parents wanted me to have the freedoms that this country offers. - Patrick Chan

I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days. - Jon Stewart

It is the studying you do after your school days that really counts. Otherwise, you know only that which everyone else knows. - Henry L. Doherty

A formal manipulator in mathematics often experiences the discomforting feeling that his pencil surpasses him in intelligence. - Howard Eves

I think sleeping was my problem in school. If school had started at four in the afternoon, I'd be a college graduate today. - George Foreman

Hockey on roller skates is like MMA in a bounce house: the elements are there, but the medium makes the whole thing ridiculous. - David Walton

I have a maple leaf tattoo over my heart, quite literally, and my two favorite things on Earth are being in Canada and making movies. - Jay Baruchel

My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle

As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. - Albert Einstein

Canada is like an old cow. The West feeds it. Ontario and Quebec milk it. And you can well imagine what it's doing in the Maritimes. - Tommy Douglas

I found my prince - he's a hockey player and we met at an NHL event, the last place I'd ever expect to meet someone, but there he was. - Carol Alt

I had fried octopus last night. You have to be really quiet when you eat it. Otherwise, it emits a cloud of black smoke and falls on the floor. - Steven Wright

Mathematics began to seem too much like puzzle solving. Physics is puzzle solving, too, but of puzzles created by nature, not by the mind of man. - Maria G. Mayer

If it's green, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it has numbers, it's math. If it doesn't work, it's technology. - Unknown


Redneck Engagement Ring

Forever Clean Toilet

Edible Clock

Up-Set & Hungry Trucks

Bear Pinata

Swim Vacation

What Are Your Skills?

Portable Barber Shop

Snail Trail

Anger Release Machine

Pun-e Signs

Wake Me At Noon

Pringle Art

Lodge Welcome

Holstein or Holestein?

Dead Poirot

Restroom Fragrance

Word Puzzle Clock

Scenic Western Pennsylvania

Free Nobel Peace Prize

Teach Our Children Well

Stair Substitute

Solar System Watch

Puppy Love