Canadian Speed Bumps

Unsafe at any speed. - Ralph Nader

Every bump is a bounce. - Robert Kraft

There are no traffic jams on the extra mile. - Zig Ziglar

Welcome the coming, speed the parting guest. - Homer

Didn't he take the exercise tax off cars? - Archie Bunker

There is more to life than increasing its speed. - Mahatma Gandhi

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy. - Von Clausewitz

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines. - David Letterman

She died doing what she loved, taking a selfie in traffic. - Unknown

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg

We all thought we'd have flying cars by now, but we don't. - Dana Brunetti

When a police officer tells you to stay in the car, you stay in the car. - Reese Witherspoon

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

Good friends are like shock absorbers. They help you take the lumps and bumps on the road of life. - Frank Tyger

Police officers may drive black and white cars, however what goes on in their job is a lot of gray. - Arik Matson

When Henry Ford made cheap, reliable cars people said, 'Nah, what's wrong with a horse?' - Elon Musk

If I weren't skateboarding, I'd love to race cars. I like anything that's fast and active. - Ryan Sheckler

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. - Kin Hubbard

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

A path full of potholes must be traveled slowly, but there's no reason you can't finish the journey. - Faydra D. Fields

Poverty: 1. A state of mind sometimes induced by a neighbour's new car; 2. One thing that money can't buy. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. - Woody Allen

Long runs improve your endurance but shorter intervals improve your speed. They are mutually beneficial for a distance runner. - Eliud Kipchoge

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

Living in the past is a dull and lonely business; looking back strains the neck muscles, causes you to bump into people not going your way. - Edna Ferber

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright