Canadian Speed Bumps

Every bump is a bounce. - Robert Kraft

Afford: Popular type of car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Khaki: A thing for starting a car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

OK, so what's the speed of dark? - Steven Wright

Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson

Speed is not a priority, just enjoy your hike. - Barry Putra

In skating over thin ice our safety is in our speed. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy. - Von Clausewitz

The speed of the leader determines the rate of the pack. - Wayne Lukas

Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

The beaten path is the safest, but the traffic's terrible. - Jeff Taylor

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic. - Dan Rather

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars... the rest I squandered. - George Best

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

You don't have to carry a designer bag that costs more than a car to look cool. - Kesha

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

A great athlete does not come from muscle, speed, and skill, but from the mind first. - Dan E. Welker

Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners. - E. Joseph Crossman

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

Good friends are like shock absorbers. They help you take the lumps and bumps on the road of life. - Frank Tyger

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

Faith is belief in what you cannot see or prove or touch. Faith is walking face-first and full-speed into the dark. - Elizabeth Gilbert

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. - Woody Allen

Long runs improve your endurance but shorter intervals improve your speed. They are mutually beneficial for a distance runner. - Eliud Kipchoge

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett

Living in the past is a dull and lonely business; looking back strains the neck muscles, causes you to bump into people not going your way. - Edna Ferber

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman