#1 humor site on the 'net

Christmas Sidecar

Harvesting a Christmas tree in the good old days

Christmas Sidecar thanks to Vera Densen

QuotaBills
Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

The perfect man? A poet on a motorcycle. - Lucinda Williams

Do your kids a favor - don't have any. - Robert Orben

I love shark week, all kids swim for free. - Josh Stern

Kids don't remember their best day of television. - Unknown

You know what's cool? My kids think I'm ordinary. - Michael J. Fox

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson

We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up. - Christopher Morley

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex. - Bill Maher

Raising kids make most people, including me, grow up at least a little. - Madonna

All kids are gifted: some just open their packages earlier than others. - Michael Carr

That's all the motorcycle is, a system of concepts worked out in steel. - Robert M. Pirsig

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

A rich person should leave his kids enough to do something, but not enough to do nothing. - Warren Buffet

If we would listen to our kids, we'd discover that they are largely self-explanatory. - Robert Brault

Most motorcycle problems are caused by the nut that connects the handlebars to the saddle. - Unknown

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. - Phyllis Diller

It's not uncommon to see kids on the school bus reading books and doing homework on the bus. - Anthony Amero

You know how kids dream of being soccer players or actors? Well, my dream was to be a sushi chef. - Nobu Matsuhisa

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

No matter how long we've been together Edith, you still, as the kids say, "turn me over." - Archie Bunker

All kids are trouble, Edith. And I don't wanna spend my reclining years trying to raise another one. - Archie Bunker

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

Here lies my past.
Good-bye I have kissed it;
Thank you, kids.
I wouldn’t have missed it. - Ogden Nash

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the bogeyman or Michael Jackson. - Bart Simpson

When it comes to hockey, it's been in my blood since I was 3 or 4 years old. I love coaching the kids, especially at that level. - Mario Lemieux

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood. - Phyllis Diller

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer


Drama Queen Diary

He Looks Just Like His Father!

Happy Snow Car

Sand Strap Experience

Redneck Calf Feeder

BaCoN T-Shirt

Go Winterized

Car Igloo

Hen Pecked

It's Movie Time

In The Dog House

2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

Diaper Change

Palestinian Security Check

Wurst-Case Scenario

High-Rise Inifinity Pool

Winter Kayaking

Balanced Family Life

Closed Ahead

Forgettable Fishing Trips

I've Got Your Back

Dr Pepper Financing

Wine Therapy

Weakest Part