Cook Ring

Marry money. - Max Shulman

I was so cold I almost got married. - Shelley Winters

Cantaloupe: Got to get married in Church - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I've seen better fights at a wedding. - Harry Redknapp

Don't marry for money; divorce for money. - Wendy Liebman

What happens to the hole when the cheese is gone? - Bertoit Brecht

The proper basis for marriage is mutual misunderstanding. - Oscar Wilde

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. - Unknown

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. - Sam Kinison

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner. - Red Skelton

Tenderness is greater proof of love than the most passionate of vows. - Marlene Dietrich

I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger. - Steven Wright

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Unabated: 1. A fishhook without a worm; 2. A mousetrap without cheese. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Never marry anyone you could not sit next to during a three-day bus trip. - Roger Ebert

Marriage is too interesting an experiment to be tried only once or twice. - Eva Gabor

If you have a boat and a happy marriage, you don't need another thing. - Ed McMahon

I've been married so long I'm on my third bottle of Tabasco sauce. - Susan Vass

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. - Unknown

The world has grown suspicious of anything that looks like a happily married life. - Oscar Wilde

A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it. - John Steinbeck

Well, at least he has found his true love - what a pity he can't marry himself. - Frank Sinatra

Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed. - Oscar Wilde

Every time I try to make my marriage more exciting, my wife finds out about it right away. - Bob Monkhouse

I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying until I get it right. - Richard Pryor

A good marriage was one in which each person thought he or she was getting the better deal. - Anne Lamott

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. - Lewis Grizzard

Bachelors know more about women than married men. If they didn't they'd be married too. - H L Mencken

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

Rituals are important. Nowadays it's hip not to be married. I'm not interested in being hip. - John Lennon

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation. - Mark Twain

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one. - Unknown

Inside of a ring or out, ain't nothing wrong with going down. It's staying down that's wrong. - Muhammad Ali

The Irish Catholic side was married to the life of an actor and I found out acting could be a form of prayer. - Liam Neeson

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Ogden Nash

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me. - Elayne Boosler

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. - Ogden Nash

When I was a young man I vowed never to marry until I found the ideal woman. Well, I found her but, alas, she was waiting for the ideal man. - Alain

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx