Cook Ring

A married man is a caged bird. - Spanish Proverb

Cheese - milk's leap toward immortality. - Clifton Fadiman

Always say no, and you will never by married. - French Proverb

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake. - Margot Asquith

The woman cries before the wedding and the man after. - Polish Proverb

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. - Groucho Marx

Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage." - Herbert Spencer

The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes. - Amy Grant

I've been married twice but I haven't had a marriage yet. - Jennifer Lopez

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner. - Red Skelton

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters

There's one thing about a late marriage - it doesn't last long. - Unknown

I was going to marry a gardener, but he was too rough around the hedges. - Unknown

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry. - Oscar Wilde

Marriage requires a special talent like acting. Monogamy requires genius. - Warren Beatty

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. - Unknown

In marriage, being the right person is as important as finding the right person. - Wilbert Donald Gough

If men knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they'd never marry. - O. Henry

A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it. - John Steinbeck

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring. - Jeff Foxworthy

A girl who thinks that a man will treat her better after marriage than before is a fool. - William C. Hall

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying until I get it right. - Richard Pryor

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing - and then marry him. - Cher

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. - Lewis Grizzard

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation. - Mark Twain

My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked. - Phyllis Diller

If your cousin Maude says one wrong word to me, we're gonna be leaving before the bride takes the shower. - Archie Bunker

Marriage always demands the greatest understanding of the art of insincerity possible between two human beings. - Vicki Baum

I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. - Rita Rudner

There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about. - Oscar Wilde

Poverty is an anomaly to rich people. It is very difficult to make out why people who want dinner do not ring the bell. - Walter Bagehot

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Patrick Murra

If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. - Garrison Keillor

Camping is not a date; it's an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home. - Yvonne Prinz

Getting married is easy. Staying married is more difficult. Staying happily married for a lifetime should rank among the fine arts. - Roberta Flack

I formed a new group called Alcoholics-Unanimous. If you don't feel like a drink, you ring another member and he comes over to persuade you. - Richard Harris

One advantage of marriage is that when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. - Judith Viorst