Cook Ring

I was so cold I almost got married. - Shelley Winters

Love - a temporary insanity curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce

Make love, not war... or get married and do both. - Unknown

What happens to the hole when the cheese is gone? - Bertoit Brecht

When you marry your mistress, you create a job vacancy. - James Goldsmith

The proper basis for marriage is mutual misunderstanding. - Oscar Wilde

When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say? - George Carlin

The secret to a happy marriage? Do what your wife tells you. - Denzel Washington

Don't marry a tennis player - love means nothing to them. - Joan Rivers

How can you govern a country which has 246 varieties of cheese? - Charles de Gaulle

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. - Groucho Marx

The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes. - Amy Grant

I've been married twice but I haven't had a marriage yet. - Jennifer Lopez

Marriage is but for a little while. It is alimony that is forever. - Quentin Crisp

A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes. - Joseph Addison

A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short. - Andre Maurois

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry. - Oscar Wilde

The Pirate is surrealism and so, in a curious way, is Father of the Bride. - Vincente Minnelli

The great majority of neuroses in women have their origin in the marriage bed. - Sigmund Freud

Marriage is very difficult. It's like a 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle, all sky. - Cathy Ladman

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring. - Jeff Foxworthy

Marriage is wonderful institution... if, of course, you like living in an institution. - Groucho Marx

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. - Mignon McLaughlin

Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed. - Oscar Wilde

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

If you meet someone who can cook and do housework, don't hesitate a minute - marry him! - Rita Rudner

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing - and then marry him. - Cher

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

When I make a vow to God, then I would suggest to you that's even stronger than a handshake in Texas. - Rick Perry

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. - Rod Stewart

Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force. - Ogden Nash

Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day. - Mickey Rooney

Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing. A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang Goethe

Poverty is an anomaly to rich people. It is very difficult to make out why people who want dinner do not ring the bell. - Walter Bagehot

The best reason for a knitter to marry is that you can't teach the cat to be impressed when you finish a lace scarf. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. - Garrison Keillor

Getting married is easy. Staying married is more difficult. Staying happily married for a lifetime should rank among the fine arts. - Roberta Flack