#1 humor site on the 'net

Cow Return

Toking good care of the marijuana harvest

Cow Return thanks to Dave Loewen

Q: Why did the cows return to the marijuana field?
A: It was the pot calling the cattle black.

QuotaBills
Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. - Will Rogers

Sacred cows make the best hamburger. - Mark Twain

Milk many cows but make your own butter. - Erwin Lutzer

Milk the cow but do not pull off the udder. - Greek Proverb

She caught a touch of laryngosis from the smoke. - Archie Bunker

Love is an exploding cigar that you willingly smoke. - Lynda Barry

When you smoke the herb, it reveals you to yourself. - Bob Marley

I'd rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a tin. - Gwyneth Paltrow

I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping. - Mark Twain

Lawyers spend a great deal of their time shoveling smoke. - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Farm: What a city man dreams of at 5 P.M., never at 5 A.M. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Change is like a charging cow. Don't ignore it - milk it. - Andrew Leigh

Heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns. - Groucho Marx

Mrs. O'Leary's cow is sorry, but Cleveland burned anyway. - Archie Bunker

All the good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow. - Grant Wood

Traveling through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, farm boy. - Han Solo

I smoke 10 to 15 cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something. - George Burns

I phoned my Dad to tell him I had stopped smoking. He called me a quitter. - Steven Pearl

It has been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain when awake. - Mark Twain

Smoking won't send you to hell; it'll just make it like you've been there. - Phil Callaway

Smoking kills. And if you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. - Brooke Shields

I was in a sushi bar and it dawned on me - how could I discriminate between a cow and a fish? - Carre Otis

It was really strange to see all these apes standing around eating popcorn, smoking, wearing sunglasses. - Estella Warren

I'm a farm boy. If we need five people to haul in hay, we don't take one and just work them to death. - Lincoln Davis

If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer. - Clement Freud

I think people need to be educated to the fact that marijuana is not a drug. Marijuana is a flower. God put it here. - Willie Nelson

I could dance with you till the cows come home...
on second thought, I'll dance with the cows till you come home. - Groucho Marx

For almost seventy years the life insurance industry has been a smug sacred cow feeding the public a steady line of sacred bull. - Ralph Nader

Hunters will tell you that a moose is a wily and ferocious forest creature. Nonsense. A moose is a cow drawn by a three-year-old. - Bill Bryson

Canada is like an old cow. The West feeds it. Ontario and Quebec milk it. And you can well imagine what it's doing in the Maritimes. - Tommy Douglas

You're supposed to eat the cows. They're great big lumbering, stupid things - they'd be everywhere if we didn't eat them. - Dylan Moran

Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn't the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit... unnatural? - Bill Hicks

Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're all on the road to the grave - but there's no need to be in the passing lane. - Robert Orben

The plan I am proposing today does not involve smoke and mirrors, phony numbers, financial gimmicks, or the usual economic chicanery you usually find in Disneyland-on-the-Potomac. - Donald Trump

The U.S. should legalize marijuana, tax it, and send all the proceeds to NASA. NASA would inspire kids to explore the universe and pot would inspire adults to explore the universe. - Carl Sagan

Marijuana is quite possibly the finest of intoxicants. It has been scientifically proven, for decades, to be much less harmful to the body than alcohol when used on a regular basis. - Nick Offerman

Adversity, similar to lava, appears to destroy everything in its way. But out of the ashes and smoke, new, better, and stronger things emerge that may have not been born in any other way. - Zoe

It's every man's indispensable duty to do all the service he can to his country; and I see not what difference he puts between himself and his cattle who lives without that thought. - John Locke

I have always loved marijuana. It has been a source of joy and comfort to me for many years. And I still think of it as a basic staple of life, along with beer and ice and grapefruits - and millions of Americans agree with me. - Hunter S. Thompson

The illegality of cannabis is outrageous, an impediment to full utilization of a drug which helps produce the serenity and insight, sensitivity and fellowship so desperately needed in this increasingly mad and dangerous world. - Carl Sagan


Been Lapped

How To Use The New 1940 Dial Telephone

Garmin Drive

Redneck Bucket List

Rotating Illusion - Pink Eye Trick

Boneless Bananas

That's My Bed

Eye For Coffee

Logging Moose

Firemen's Revenge

Just In Thyme

Kapalua Resort - The Plantation Course

Alberta Hood Ornament

Outside Urinal

Fixer-Uppers

Just Divorced

Flannel Frontier

Humour in the Workplace

Colour Wheel

Milky Way

Security Guard

Wet Floor Caution

Stealth Birdhouse

Volvorine