#1 humor site on the 'net

Doormat Spy

Personalized doormat sales are looking up this year

Doormat Spy thanks to Keith Blake

Bubba installed his own home alarm system

QuotaBills
Home is home, though it be homely. - English Proverb

A spotless house is a sign of a misspent life. - Unknown

At my house, Dust is a noun, not a verb. - Unknown

There are no elevators in the house of success. - H.H. Vreeland

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door. - Milton Berle

We can dance on pinheads till the cows come home. - Alastair Campbell

Not knowing when the dawn will come I open every door. - Emily Dickinson

At the deaf man's door, knock as much as you like. - Greek Proverb

There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort. - Jane Austen

Mother is the home we come from. She is nature, soil, ocean. - Erich Fromm

If you shut your door to all errors, truth will be shut out. - Rabindranath Tagore

It's a sad house where the hen crows louder than the cock. - Scottish Proverb

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal. - Rodney Dangerfield

All successful revolutions are the kicking in of a rotten door. - John Kenneth Galbraith

One road leads home and a thousand roads lead into the wilderness. - C S Lewis

Go often to the house of a friend, for weeds choke the unused path. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino

It's too late to close the stable door after the horse has bolted. - French Proverb

The world is a globe. The farther you sail, the closer to home you are. - Terry Pratchett

The door on which we have been knocking all our lives will open at last. - C S Lewis

My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs. - Steven Wright

Everybody needs his memories. They keep the wolf of insignificance from the door. - Saul Bellow

The summer movies are coming out! My advice: just stay home and burn a good book. - Stephen Colbert

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. - Bill Cosby

A gentleman should never leave the house without a sharp knife, a good watch, and great hat. - Unknown

I look just like the girls next door... if you happen to live next door to an amusement park. - Dolly Parton

At the door of life, by the gate of breath, there are worse things waiting for men than death. - A.C. Swinburne The Triumph Of Time

Maybe more youngsters would stay home at nights if they were not afraid to stay alone at nights. - Herbert Prochnow

People travel to faraway places to watch, in fascination, the kind of people they ignore at home. - Dagobert D. Runes

Have you ever wondered why opportunity only knocks once, yet temptation bangs on the door constantly? - Unknown

How do we persevere when we're adrift at sea, severed from wherever or whomever is our 'home'? - Lois Anderson

I don't want to end up in an old folks' home wearing incompetence pads. I'm still compost mentis. - Harriet Wynn

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant - and let the air out of the tires. - Dorothy Parker

Language, identity, place, home: these are all of a piece - just different elements of belonging and not-belonging. - Jhumpa Lahiri

I could dance with you till the cows come home...
on second thought, I'll dance with the cows till you come home. - Groucho Marx

You reached into my soul and rearranged the position of my bones,
You rebuilt my rib cage so your heart could be home. - Unknown

The truth knocks on the door and you say, "Go away, I'm looking for the truth," and so it goes away. Puzzling. - Robert M Pirsig

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine. - Milton Berle

Some keep the Sabbath going to Church
I keep it, staying at Home
With a Bobolink for a Chorister
And an Orchard for a Dome - Emily Dickinson

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home. - Dennis Miller


Baby Brew

Kids Klub

Sheep Dog Distancing

Candy Hairess

Haircut For Staff Meetings

Bag Hang-Up

Dog Spa

Pacman Skeleton

Young Rock Star

Shoplifter Warning

Eavestrough Cat

Bobbie Tickle

Exhausting or Amewzing?

World's First Hard Hat

Cup on the Edge

British Gas Meter

Hot Summer Days

Senior Protesters

Microsoft Software Upgrade

Mow Your Lawn

Drinking Alone

being Fearless

Bible Bar

A Good Woman