#1 humor site on the 'net

Doormat Spy

Personalized doormat sales are looking up this year

Doormat Spy thanks to Keith Blake

Bubba installed his own home alarm system

QuotaBills
Nature is not a place to visit. It is home. - Gary Snyder

A road to a friend's house is never long. - Danish Proverb

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. - Unknown

Heaven is home. Utopia is here. Nirvana is now. - Edward Abbey

One aged man - one man - can't fill a house. - Robert Frost

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. - Jimmy Durante

Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo. - Groucho Marx

It is easier to demolish a house than to build one. - Irish proverb

Art is the only way to run away without leaving home. - Twyla Tharp

What's the need of a home if you are never in it? - George Grossmith

Housekeeping is like being caught in a revolving door. - Marcelene Cox

I just heard from Bill Bailey. He's not coming home. - Henny Youngman

While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home. - Unknown

A man's home is his castle, and his wife is the janitor. - Lucille Kallen

Let everyone sweep in front of his door and the whole world will be clean. - Mother Teresa

Tell her I ain't crawlin' home to her with my tail between her legs. - Archie Bunker

He who is outside the door has already a good part of his journey behind him. - Dutch Proverb

Temptation usually comes in through a door that has been deliberately left open. - Arnold Glasgow

Architect: One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money. - Ambrose Bierce

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar. - WC Fields

I love contemporary art, although I wouldn't want a pickled shark in my house. - Bruno Tonioli

What is the use of a house if you haven’t got a tolerable planet to put it on? - Henry David Thoreau

A true friend is the one that's coming in the door while everyone else is going out. - Dr. Phil McGraw

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. - Bill Cosby

If you want to see me, come over anytime. If you want to see my house, make an appointment. - Unknown

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill

I look just like the girls next door... if you happen to live next door to an amusement park. - Dolly Parton

I want a house with a garden, but slap bang in the centre of London. Next door to a sushi bar. - Michelle Dockery

If we build in the desert, let the house know the desert and the desert be proud of the house. - Frank Lloyd Wright

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler. - WC Fields

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. - Rod Stewart

There's nothing to match curling up with a good book when there's a repair job to be done around the house. - Joe Ryan

What's a good investment? Go home from work early and spend the afternoon throwing a ball around with your son. - Ben Stein

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. - Rodney Dangerfield

I have a microwave fireplace in my house... The other night I laid down in front of the fire for the evening in two minutes. - Steven Wright

If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers. - Edgar W. Howe

If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door, greet him with, "Who could have done this? We have no enemies." - Phyllis Diller

At fifty, the madwoman in the attic breaks loose, stomps down the stairs, and sets fire to the house. She won't be imprisoned anymore. - Erica Jong

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. - Steven Wright


Science Project Turmoil

Parking Forever

I've Got Time

Red Wine Diet

Nice Try, Mom

Flight of the Ladybug

Time To Retire

Chess On The Wall

Tree Face

Bad Day Flyer

Back Bard

St. Peter's Fish

Feed Me

Horse Model

Get In Line!

Coffee World

Horsing Around

Think Big

The Wurst Spiral I've Seen

Grass Leak

Dead Sea Fish

Jesus On The Beach

NASCAR Fan - Diehard Category

Moldy Bible