#1 humor site on the 'net

Double Your Vision

Sign for an Optometric Bartender

Double Your Vision thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Carrots may be good for your eyes, but booze will double your vision

QuotaBills
The best vision is insight. - Malcolm Forbes

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? - Groucho Marx

Music isn't for the eyes - it's for the ears. - Adele

Besmooch the family name in the eyes of the community. - Archie Bunker

The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears. - Indian Proverb

What a strange illusion to suppose that beauty is goodness. - Leo Tolstoy

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. - Albert Einstein

Look a pig in its eyes, and understand the truth behind bacon. - Mango Wodzak

I still close my eyes and go home... I can always draw from that. - Dolly Parton

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. - Winston Churchill

Our separation from each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. - Albert Einstein

You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. - Mark Twain

In order to carry a positive action we must develop here a positive vision. - Dalai Lama

I need the starshine of your heavenly eyes,
After the day's great sun. - Charles Hanson Towne

I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars... the rest I squandered. - George Best

Every man takes the limits of his own field of vision for the limits of the world. - Arthur Schopenhauer

Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving. - David Letterman

Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure. - Scott Adams

You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes. Blood coming out of her wherever. - Donald Trump

There are no seven wonders of the world in the eyes of a child. There are seven million. - Walt Streightiff

Why is it that everybody's suing the tobacco companies and not the alcohol companies? - Donald Trump

I don't drink these days. I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs. - Robert Downey Jr.

The only real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes. - Marcel Proust

Open your eyes that you might see that all things are possible through you (with God's help). - Robert A. Schuller

Do not look down upon any Muslim, for even the most inferior believer is great in the eyes of God. - Abu Bakr

The illusion that the times that were are better than those that are has probably pervaded all ages. - Horace Greeley

Be good, keep your feet dry, your eyes open, your heart at peace, and your soul in the joy of Christ. - Thomas Merton

Attachment is the great fabricator of illusions; reality can be attained only by someone who is detached. - Simone Weil

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. - Hunter S Thompson

There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid

When hungry, eat your rice; when tired, close your eyes. Fools may laugh at me, but wise men will know what I mean. - Lin-Chi

The vision of a champion is someone who is drenched in sweat at the point of exhaustion when no one else is watching. - Anson Dorrance

Everybody shares one universal problem. To succeed you have to persuade others to support your vision, dream or cause. - Peter Guber

I might show facts as plain as day: but, since your eyes are blind, you'd say, 'Where? What?' and turn away. - Christina Rossetti

A reputation, once damaged, may possibly be repaired, but the world will always keep their eyes on the spot where the crack was. - Joseph Hall

Good business leaders create a vision, articulate the vision, passionately own the vision, and relentlessly drive it to completion. - Jack Welch

We would rather be ruined than changed. We would rather die in our dread than climb the cross of the moment and let our illusions die. - W H Auden

I'm Irish, so I'm used to odd stews. I can take it. Just throw a lot of carrots and onions in there and I'll call it dinner. - Liam Neeson

When I have an idea, I turn down the flame, as if it were a little alcohol stove, as low as it will go. Then it explodes and that is my idea. - Ernest Hemingway

Those who speak of progression but are afraid of change are self-repressed and therefore unable to reach any further than their eyes can already see. - Criss Jami


Foot-Ball

Exhausted Baby

Open Air Wiring

Miss Chernobyl 2004

Fish Lips

Easy Mopping

African Lunch

Structural Books

Honda Boxer Engine

Sick Tombstone

No Drip

Gun Leash

Whole Human

Antler Field

Moon Football

Bike Rack

Straight From The Cow

Surf-In Lunch Snack

Lateral Thinking

Da Hood Shirt

Quiet Place To Study

No Beatle Haircuts

Lego Anatomy

His First Hot Rod