Girlfriend Math

Money often costs too much. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Fidelity bought with money can be overcome by money. - Seneca

Pure mathematics, may it never be of any use to anyone. - Henry Smith

Why is there so much month left at the end of the money? - Unknown

When you ain't got no money, you gotta get an attitude. - Richard Pryor

If money is your hope for independence, you will never have it. - Henry Ford

Well, another day has passed and I didn't use Algebra once. - Unknown

I have no money, no resources, no hopes. I am the happiest man alive. - Henry Miller

Never criticize Americans. They have the best taste that money can buy. - Miles Kington

Law school is the opposite of sex. Even when it's good it's lousy. - Unknown

Will you marry me? Do you have any money?
Answer the second question first. - Groucho Marx

I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back. - Steven Wright

When I was in high school, I earned the pimple award and every other gross-out award. - Jack Nicholson

The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. - Kin Hubbard

Every sale has five basic obstacles: no need, no money, no hurry, no desire, no trust. - Zig Ziglar

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. - Bob Hope

Money can't buy you happiness... but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. - Spike Milligan

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be made at me for saying that. - Mitch Hedberg

For the execution of the voyage to the Indies, I did not make use of intelligence, mathematics or maps. - Christopher Columbus

Advertising may be described as the science of arresting human intelligence long enough to get money from it. - Stephen Leacock

It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term. - Mark Twain

In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence. - Steven Wright

We are going as fast as we can as soon as we can. We're in a race against time, until we run out of money. - Jack Nicholson

I played basketball in high school, and I love watching sports - I'll watch everything except maybe hockey. - Andy Roddick

You can go your whole life and not need math or physics for a minute, but the ability to tell a joke is always handy. - Garrison Keillor

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner

I tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless. - Rodney Dangerfield

The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring. - Milton Berle

Understand the key factors in the math behind viral marketing, and use those to figure out what it takes to get viral growth. - David Skok

A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine; something Brussels Sprouts never do. - P.J. O'Rourke

How you spend your time is more important than how you spend your money. Money mistakes can be corrected, but time is gone forever. - David B. Norris

Street League Skateboarding is the premier professional skateboarding league in the world, with the biggest prize money in history. - Rob Dyrdek

My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle

Only when the last tree has withered, and the last fish caught, and the last river been poisoned, will we realize we cannot eat money. - Cree Proverb

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. - Garrison Keillor

Mathematics is not a careful march down a well-cleared highway, but a journey into a strange wilderness where the explorers often get lost. - W.S. Anglin

The politicians in Washington are spending trillions of dollars of our money. When are Americans going to stand up and say enough is enough? - Joe Wurzelbacher

I tell them that if they will occupy themselves with the study of mathematics they will find it the best remedy against the lusts of the flesh. - Thomas Mann

NBC News just called it "The Great Freeze" - coldest weather in years. Is our country still spending money on the global warming hoax? - Donald Trump

Mathematics began to seem too much like puzzle solving. Physics is puzzle solving, too, but of puzzles created by nature, not by the mind of man. - Maria G. Mayer