Good Driver

Never insult anyone by accident. - Robert A. Heinlein

Safety doesn't happen by accident. - Unknown

Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident. - Mark Twain

Didn't he take the exercise tax off cars? - Archie Bunker

Care shouldn't start in the emergency room. - James Douglas

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

The shortest distance between two points is usually under repair. - Unknown

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push. - Rodney Dangerfield

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." - Steven Wright

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

Police officers may drive black and white cars, however what goes on in their job is a lot of gray. - Arik Matson

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

My husband is so good at home repairs that they have a special VIP area for him in the emergency room. - Unknown

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. - Kin Hubbard

It's much easier to double your business by doubling your conversion rate than doubling your traffic. - Bryan Eisenberg

The average auto owner drives so blamed reckless I'm glad that he does git robbed when he pays a repair bill. - Kin Hubbard

I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. - Ronald Reagan

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

There's nothing to match curling up with a good book when there's a repair job to be done around the house. - Joe Ryan

The actual building of roads devoted to motor cars is not for the near future, in spite of many rumors to that effect. - Harper's Weekly

A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere. - Jay Shetty

It's a sad day when you find out that it's not accident or fortune but just yourself that kept things from you. - Lillian Hellman

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of twenty-two, it would have changed the history of music... and of aviation. - Tom Stoppard

The best way to meet a woman is in an emergency situation - if you're in a shipwreck, or you find yourself behind enemy lines, or in a flood. - Mark Helprin

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright