Good Driver

Never insult anyone by accident. - Robert A. Heinlein

Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson

There are no traffic jams on the extra mile. - Zig Ziglar

Didn't he take the exercise tax off cars? - Archie Bunker

Care shouldn't start in the emergency room. - James Douglas

Substance is not enough, accident is also required. - Greek Proverb

Stardom isn't a profession, it's an accident. - Lauren Bacall

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines. - David Letterman

Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs. - Ambrose Bierce

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. - Frederick Douglass

The shortest distance between two points is usually under repair. - Unknown

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion. - Mark Twain

I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars... the rest I squandered. - George Best

The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

It's easier to build up a child than it is to repair an adult. Choose your words wisely. - Unknown

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." - Steven Wright

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

I don't understand American football at all. It looks like all-in wrestling with crash helmets. - Sting

One of the tests of leadership is the ability to recognize a problem before it becomes an emergency. - Arnold H. Glasow

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

Standing in the middle of the road is very dangerous; you get knocked down by traffic from both sides. - Margaret Thatcher

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. - Ronald Reagan

There's nothing to match curling up with a good book when there's a repair job to be done around the house. - Joe Ryan

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

The actual building of roads devoted to motor cars is not for the near future, in spite of many rumors to that effect. - Harper's Weekly

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? - George Carlin

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

The best way to meet a woman is in an emergency situation - if you're in a shipwreck, or you find yourself behind enemy lines, or in a flood. - Mark Helprin