Keep The Han in Hanukkah

Off-the-docks Jews (Orthodox Jews) - Archie Bunker

Good Anakin. Good. Kill him. Kill him now. - Chancellor Palpatine

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

All men are Jews, except they don't know it. - Bernard Malamud

There would be no Christmas if there was no Easter. - Gordon B. Hinckley

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

I am Irish as a person, but I feel Jewish as an actor. - Harrison Ford

Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother's side. - Archie Bunker

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it. - Henny Youngman

I'm Jewish, so I don't know much about Easter eggs. - Simon Kinberg

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside. - Roseanne Barr

I don't think anyone has been slandered more than the Jews. - Fidel Castro

Other people have a nationality. The Irish and the Jews have a psychosis. - Brendan Behan

The dinosaurs became extinct because they didn't have a space program. - Larry Niven

Humor does not diminish the pain - it makes the space around it get bigger. - Allen Klein

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

If women can be railroad workers in Russia, why can't they fly in space? - Valentina Tereshkova

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

I think of myself as being Jewish and Irish, despite the fact that I'm English. - Daniel Radcliffe

This is a Jewish cake - they give this to a Jewish kid before he gets circumscribed. - Archie Bunker

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

Anakin, you're breaking my heart! And you're going down a path I cannot follow! - Padme

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

Great music is as much about the space between the notes as it is about the notes themselves. - Sting

Most whale photos you see show whales in this beautiful blue water - it's almost like space. - Brian Skerry

Don't let negative and toxic people rent space in your head. Raise the rent and kick them out. - Zig Ziglar

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

The way you can understand all of the social media is as the creation of a new kind of public space. - Danah Boyd

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

The larger office, the corner space, the extra window are the teddy bears and tricycles of adult office life. - Willard Gaylin

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

We're all trying to keep up in this stupid race. But that won't be much fun when we're floating in space. - John Symeou

Hello. I don't believe we have been introduced. R2-D2? A pleasure to meet you. I am C-3PO, Human-Cyborg Relations. - C-3PO

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder. - John Glenn

The world, the race, the soul - in space and time the universes,
All bound as is befitting each - all surely going somewhere. - Walt Whitman

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman