#1 humor site on the 'net

My New Diet

Found a diet plan that will help you lose more than this plan?

My New Diet thanks to Emery Pettigrove

Emery's vegan, gluten free, soy free, antibiotics free, raw, non GMO, organic, fat free, low carb diet

QuotaBills
Organic Farm: Tilling like it is - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Diets are mainly food for thought. - N Wylie Jones

Vegan: An alien from the planet Lettuce - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands. - Unknown

My diet is like Atkins, but with the carbs. - BJ Penn

Food is an important part of a balanced diet. - Fran Lebowitz

Bacon: the main reason you are not a vegetarian. - Unknown

Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it. - Unknown

Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you may diet. - Unknown

A balanced diet is a Cracker Jack cookie in each hand. - Joe-kster

The universe is not a machine; it is an organic whole. - Ravi Zacharias

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper

The cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good, spit it out. - Unknown

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight. - Rita Rudner

Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert

Vegetarian: an old Indian word for "doesn't hunt well." - Paul Harvey

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. - Totie Fields

A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children. - David Brenner

No disease that can be treated by diet should be treated by any other means. - Maimonides

I love seafood. I'm not a vegetarian but I'm probably a pescetarian. - Padma Lakshmi

The majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn't finish. - Carrie Underwood

The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook. - Julia Child

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis

Organic chemistry has become a vast rubbish heap of puzzling and bewildering compounds. - J Norman Collie

The first time I tried organic wheat bread, I thought I was chewing on roofing material. - Robin Williams

I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants. - A. Whitney Brown

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks. - Joe E Lewis

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. - Jackie Gleason

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. - Mae West

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

Dieting is not a sprint, it's a marathon. If you celebrate the small victories, you will eventually win the war. - Ian K Smith

A dark-chocolate truffle melts in my mouth, and I forget about everything else... even the fact that I'm on a diet. - Barbara Brooke

If you maintain a healthy diet, or at least are smart about your food choices, you'll still see the pounds come off. - Misty May-Treanor

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on. - Jean Kerr

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

I like Pirate's Booty. Prunes and olives, too. I love hummus. I can eat that until I die. I tend to eat mostly organic food. - Queen Latifah

New Pasta Diet: Just walk pasta bakery without stopping. Walk pasta candy store without stopping. Walk pasta ice cream shop without stopping. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com


Skull Violins

Finger Phone

Family Bike

Airless See-Through Tires

Aussie Motorcycle

Statue Selfie

Bacon Sandwich

Elephant Hand

Unless Your Dog Can Do This

Dragon Buoy

Cat On A Hot Tin Roof

Bird Melons

Local Crabs

Black Golfer

Ostrich Imprint

Tea Party Weapon

Extra Space Bed

Unattended Children

ThrowYo

Cell Phone Warning

Umbrella Protection and Non-Protection

Husband Creche

Undertaker Bike

Road Sign Dictionary