#1 humor site on the 'net

My New Diet

Found a diet plan that will help you lose more than this plan?

My New Diet thanks to Emery Pettigrove

Emery's vegan, gluten free, soy free, antibiotics free, raw, non GMO, organic, fat free, low carb diet

QuotaBills
Diet Planner: A fast talker. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Vegan: An alien from the planet Lettuce - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Mine is the least fat diet in the world. - Pierre Dukan

A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands. - Unknown

Food is an important part of a balanced diet. - Fran Lebowitz

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you. - Joan Rivers

I've probably tried every fad diet in the world. - Jenna Ushkowitz

A balanced diet is a Cracker Jack cookie in each hand. - Joe-kster

I don't trust any diet that doesn't allow sugar. - Bethenny Frankel

The cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good, spit it out. - Unknown

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight. - Rita Rudner

The first couple of days on the detox diet aren't pleasant. - Carol Vorderman

I don't diet, I just don't eat as much as I'd like to. - Linda Evangelista

Vegetarian: an old Indian word for "doesn't hunt well." - Paul Harvey

Irony: 1. Being witty at all costs; 2. A vegetarian catching swine flu. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children. - David Brenner

No disease that can be treated by diet should be treated by any other means. - Maimonides

The majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn't finish. - Carrie Underwood

I am on a ketos diet so I avoid sugar, dairy products, wheat, grain or pulses. - Puneet Issar

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

Every single diet I ever fell off of was because of potatoes and gravy of some sort. - Dolly Parton

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis

Organic chemistry has become a vast rubbish heap of puzzling and bewildering compounds. - J Norman Collie

Juicing isn't about binging and cleansing; I try to incorporate it into a balanced diet. - Eddie Huang

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks. - Joe E Lewis

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. - Jackie Gleason

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. - Mae West

I grew up on a steady diet of science fiction, especially apocalyptic and postapocalyptic fiction. - Justin Cronin

If I go on a diet and work out, I'm always in a bad mood. I'd rather be a little heavier but nice. - Salma Hayek

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

Dieting is not a sprint, it's a marathon. If you celebrate the small victories, you will eventually win the war. - Ian K Smith

A dark-chocolate truffle melts in my mouth, and I forget about everything else... even the fact that I'm on a diet. - Barbara Brooke

The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned now to cook. - Andy Rooney

If you maintain a healthy diet, or at least are smart about your food choices, you'll still see the pounds come off. - Misty May-Treanor

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on. - Jean Kerr

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

In Japan, animation is a big part of your media diet. I moved out to Los Angeles at 9, and when I got homesick, I would watch anime. - Hiro Murai

I'm off the diet, but not the treadmill. I speak as someone who's attempted to lose weight and get fit thrice before in my life. - Ronnie Screwvala

New Pasta Diet: Just walk pasta bakery without stopping. Walk pasta candy store without stopping. Walk pasta ice cream shop without stopping. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Our food pyramid, the kind of diet that is constantly promoted, is completely warped. It's not based around anything to do with healing your body. - Jessica Origliasso


Tall Guy Bike

Lord Voldemort Rock

Illusionary

Copperhead Tree

Dream Big

Spot the Man's Head Hidden in the Coffee Beans

British Survey

Political Promise Transporter

Jam Packed Suitcase

All White Meat

Alien Moon Landing

Nothing But Net

Bible Bar

Branding Inspiration for Graphic Designers

Original Homeland Security - 2nd Amendment

Sunday Weather Forecast

On The Eighth Day

Moses Parting the Ice Field

Texas Limo

No Smoking Fish

New Brunswick Swimming Pools

Box Car

Night Shift for a Computer Geek

Meep Meep