#1 humor site on the 'net

Perfect Pizza

Golf Gourmet - adding a hole in one for French Fries

Perfect Pizza thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Let them eat cake. - Marie Antoinette

A proverb is to speech what salt is to food. - Arabic Proverb

Fame is a fickle food upon a shifting plate. - Emily Dickinson

I am putting real plums into an imaginary cake. - Mary McCarthy

There is no love sincerer than the love of food. - George Bernard Shaw

I'm tired of recipes assuming I have a stove. - Kevin Farzad

Where love sets the table, food tastes at its best. - French Proverb

Before eating, always take a little time to thank the food. - Arapaho Proverb

You are only master of food that you haven't yet eaten. - Tibet Proverb

Smoke detectors are basically just you-suck-at-cooking detectors. - Julius Sharpe

I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it. - Steven Wright

Writing is only the frosting on my cake. I'm whole without it. - Tabitha King

A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart who looks at her watch. - James Beard

Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out. - Nicole Hollander

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. - Bob Hope

The maxim that the "best is the cheapest" does not apply to food. - W.O. Atwater

Your food is close to your stomach, but you must put it in your mouth first. - African Saying

I don't follow trends. I make each cake for a particular wedding, or event. - Ron Ben-Israel

When I get a little money, I buy books. If any is left, I buy food and clothes. - Erasmus

Zero: The number of times you’ve gotten to eat most of the pizza you ordered - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

When someone asks if you'd like cake or pie, why not say you want cake and pie? - Lisa Loeb

This is a Jewish cake - they give this to a Jewish kid before he gets circumscribed. - Archie Bunker

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake. - Mitch Hedberg

When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking. - Gail Sheehy

We have always said that advertising is just the icing on the cake. It is not the cake. - Meg Whitman

They don't make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery. - Bill Murray

Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live in hutches awaiting Easter. - Fran Lebowitz

I prefer Hostess fruit pies to pop-up toaster tarts because they don't require as much cooking. - Carrie Snow

Number theorists are like lotus-eaters – having once tasted of this food they can never give it up. - Leopold Kronecker

Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. - Mark Twain

By eating many fruits and vegetables in place of fast food and junk food, people could avoid obesity. - David H Murdock

A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece. - Ludwig Erhard

Once you have mastered a technique, you hardly need look at a recipe again, and can take off on your own. - Julia Child

I'm not always optimistic. You wouldn't have all cylinders cooking if you were always like Mary Poppins. - Carol Burnett

No matter what the recipe, any baker can do wonders in the kitchen with some good ingredients and an upbeat attitude. - Buddy Valastro

A burrito is a delicious food item that breaks down all social barriers and leads to temporary spiritual enlightenment. - Lisi Harrison

I like to eat pizza and spaghetti pomodoro, and I'm crazy for dessert. I like all of them: cassata, cheesecake, biscuits. - Stefano Gabbana

How is it that mercury is not safe for food additives and Over the Counter drug products, but it is safe in our vaccines and dental amalgams? - Dan Burton

I like a quiet evening with family or friends over, great food and great discussion, and a lot of laughter. That's really what fills my tank. - Anna Eshoo

Mushroom: 1. A motel for quickies; 2. The place where they store the school food; 3. A room that has no sides, no walls, no doors and no ceilings. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com


Bridge Uplift

Beach Drag

Do Not Feed The Bears

Does Your Hedgehog Bite?

A Woman's Mind

Spaghetti Starter

Sidewalk Pickpocket

Wing Wedding

Relaxing Surgery

Fish Injuries

Nuclear Waste Truck

Rock Watcher

Frog Waltz

Filling The Water Truck

DMV Office

Pawano Lessons

I'm Full

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Be Anything You Want

Drama Queen Diary

Shadow Box Art

Spring Sock Clearance

Dating Time Saver

Coca Cola Twins