#1 humor site on the 'net

Redneck Bike Mower

Cycling through the lawn chores

Redneck Bike Mower thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Meat: Grass once removed - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Paddy O Furniture: Irish lawn chairs - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

As welcome as a skunk at a lawn party. - Proverb

Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle. - Steven Wright

A lawn is nature under totalitarian rule. - Michael Pollan

Have patience! In time, even grass becomes milk. - Charan Singh

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. - Irina Dunn

Laundress: A gown worn while sitting on the grass - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life. - Charles M. Schulz

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. - Gloria Steinem

When two elephants fight it is the grass that gets trampled. - African Proverb

Everyone makes fun of the Redneck until the Zombie Apocalypse. - Unknown

A leaf of grass is no less than the journey-work of the stars. - Walt Whitman

A people without history is like the wind on the buffalo grass. - Lakota Sioux Proverb

Have fun, be active. Ride a bike instead of driving, for example. - Dan Buettner

An intellectual is a man who doesn't know how to park his bike. - Spiro T. Agnew

Whenever I see an adult on a bicycle I have hope for the human race. - H G Wells

All you need to grow fine, vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk. - Will Rogers

I always thought a yard was three feet, then I started mowing the lawn. - C.E. Cowman

The key to a healthy lawn is to take care of what happens below ground. - Mike Bechtle

If dandelions were hard to grow, they would be most welcome on any lawn. - Andrew V. Mason

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving. - Albert Einstein

Business is like riding a bicycle. Either you keep moving or you fall down. - John D. Wright

Sitting quietly, doing nothing, spring comes, and the grass grows by itself. - Zenrin

Books are no different from goats - they enjoy an afternoon out on the lawn. - Kate Bernheimer

The grass may be greener on the other side, but it's just as hard to cut. - Little Richard

If grass can grow through cement, love can find you at every time in your life. - Cher

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

Ever hear of the old saying, "grass don't grow on a busy street?" - Archie Bunker

Keep your bike in good repair: motorcycle boots are not comfortable for walking. - Unknown

The grass withers, the flower fades
But the word of our God stands forever. - Isaiah 40:8

You got to have smelt a lot of mule manure before you can sing like a hillbilly. - Hank Williams

I'm paranoid about everything. On my stationary bike I have a rearview mirror. - Richard Lewis

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. - Tim Allen

It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up. - Muhammad Ali

A gorilla with a cellphone riding a bicycle is bound to generate some clever captions. - Steve Breen

Life is like riding a bicycle. You don't fall off unless you plan to stop pedaling. - Claude Pepper

Every blade of grass has its angel that bends over it and whispers, 'Grow, grow.' - Talmud

Shady Character: A fellow who snoozes in a hammock under a tree while his wife mows the lawn - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter

Samson, he takes the jawbone out of the grass and he kills the whole army of the Phillipines. - Archie Bunker

There's one good thing about snow: it makes your lawn look as nice as your neighbor's. - Clyde Moore

Once you're a mom, you're always a mom. It's like riding a bike, you never forget. - Taraji P Henson

A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter. - WC Fields

Knowing trees, I understand the meaning of patience. Knowing grass, I can appreciate persistence. - Hal Borland

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

I took lessons in bicycle riding. But I could only afford half of them. Now I can ride a unicycle. - Steven Wright

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy

I asked the waiter, "Is this milk fresh?" He said, "Lady, three hours ago it was grass." - Phyllis Diller

An Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold onto one blade of grass to keep from falling off the earth. - Unknown

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. - Emo Philips

I spend hours mowing the lawn in absolutely straight lines on my tractor. If it's not right, I do it again. - Britt Ekland

The bulletin board on the lawn of a New Jersey Church reads "We reserve the right to accept everybody." - John Kazmark

Fantasy is an exercise bicycle for the mind. It might not take you anywhere, but it tones up the muscles that can. - Terry Pratchett

Gardener: 1. Someone who thinks that what goes down must come up; 2. A man who never lets grass grow under his feet. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You're the guy that'll be sneaking out of your bedroom at three o'clock in the morning to look at your bike. - Paul Teutul

A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken. - James Dent

Grass: 1. The green stuff that wilts in the yard and flourishes in the garden; 2. What grows by the yard and dies by the foot. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

Mancation: A man's vacation. Generally includes lots of beer, a Redneck grill, slabs of meat for cooking and a sack of fireworks. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Hypothesis: 1. First thing a Redneck teenager says to his father on the phone; 2. Hippo, horse; thesis, placing: putting something on a horse. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Personal columnists are jackals and no jackal has been known to live on grass once he had learned about meat - no matter who killed the meat for him. - Ernest Hemingway


Swimming in the Dead Sea

Redneck Beer Stacker

Hot Summer Days

mIndians

Mouthful Of Information

Happy Face Sandwich

Senior Eye Exam

Chubby Free

Pirrows

Young Rock Star

'Pier' Pressure

Restored Beauty

Powerplant Swimsuit Models

Watermelon Cake

Sharkini

Julyed

Filet Minion

Better Singer

Texas Basketball

Grow Food, Not Lawns

Nut Salesman

Long Yellow Things

Ants Know When Something Is Fake

Think Outside