Redneck Speed Bump

Every bump is a bounce. - Robert Kraft

Afford: Popular type of car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead! - David Farragut

Illusion is the first of all pleasures. - Oscar Wilde

There is more to life than increasing its speed. - Mahatma Gandhi

In skating over thin ice our safety is in our speed. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I am not a speed reader.
I am a speed understander. - Isaac Asimov

The speed of the leader determines the rate of the pack. - Wayne Lukas

Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth. - Ludwig Borne

Once you're over the hill, you begin to pick up speed. - Charles M Shulz

What a strange illusion to suppose that beauty is goodness. - Leo Tolstoy

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. - Steven Wright

Everyone makes fun of the Redneck until the Zombie Apocalypse. - Unknown

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner

Our separation from each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. - Albert Einstein

Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly. - Morticia Addams

It is sometimes as dangerous to be run into by a microbe as by a trolley car. - J.J. Walsh

I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars... the rest I squandered. - George Best

You don't have to carry a designer bag that costs more than a car to look cool. - Kesha

Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure. - Scott Adams

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

We live in a fantasy world, a world of illusion. The great task in life is to find reality. - Irish Murdoch

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

HonkoSecond: The time between the light turning green and the sound from the car horn behind you - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

I took a speed reading course and read "War and Peace" in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. - Woody Allen

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. - Woody Allen

Do you think you're safe in a car with your seatbelt on? Dream on. My friend thought so. Now she's pregnant. - Anke Engelke

The actual building of roads devoted to motor cars is not for the near future, in spite of many rumors to that effect. - Harper's Weekly

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

I took a course in speed reading. Then I got Reader's Digest on microfilm. By the time I got the machine set up, I was done. - Steven Wright

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

Mancation: A man's vacation. Generally includes lots of beer, a Redneck grill, slabs of meat for cooking and a sack of fireworks. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

Love easily confuses us because it is always in flux between illusion and substance, between memory and wish, between contentment and need. - Tom Robbins

Hypothesis: 1. First thing a Redneck teenager says to his father on the phone; 2. Hippo, horse; thesis, placing: putting something on a horse. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com