Redneck TV Tray

Television is democracy at its ugliest. - Paddy Chayefsky

It's the hottest thing on television. - Donald Trump

Television has raised writing to a new low. - Samuel Goldwyn

Imitation is the sincerest form of television. - Fred Allen

Nothing is really real unless it happens on television. - Daniel J. Boorstin

Endangered forests are being slaughtered for toilet paper. - Daphne Zuniga

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare. - Fred Allen

Like toilet paper, laughter is in short supply these days. - Phil Callaway

Sex on television can't hurt you - unless you fall off. - Unknown

Let's bask in television's warm, glowing, warming glow. - Homer Simpson

It's very nearly impossible to tell the truth in television. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Canadian cities looked the way American cities did on television. - William Gibson

Television is called a medium because anything good on it is rare. - Fred Allen

When your wife asks what's on TV, dust is not the right answer. - Unknown

TV is simply a place where people go when they get tired of thinking. - Kevin Devitte

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV. - Jerry Seinfeld

The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television. - Dave Barry

My children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced on television. - Erma Bombeck

So long as there's a jingle in your head, television isn't free. - Jason Love

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets? - Dick Cavett

Do you realize if it weren't for Edison we'd be watching TV by candlelight? - Al Boliska

For those of you watching who do not have television sets, live commentary is on Radio 2. - David Coleman

I wanted this to be a movie on TV so I could press the off button and make it all go away. - Michelle Rowen

I have had my television aerials removed. It is the moral equivalent of a prostate operation. - Malcolm Muggeridge

President Ford tells us all to bite the bullet and Betsy Ford goes on TV and shoots off her mouth. - Archie Bunker

You go to your TV to turn your brain off. You go to the computer when you want to turn your brain on. - Steve Jobs

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy

One of television's great contributions is that it brought murder back into the home, where it belongs. - Alfred Hitchcock

There is no way you can get people to believe you on screen if they know who you really are through television. - Jack Nicholson

Indians are the second largest population in the world, but we're invisible on TV - everything is either black or white. - Russell Peters

Why something in the public interest such as television news can be fought over, like a chain of hamburger stands, eludes me. - Jimmy Breslin

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in eight hours of TV a day. - Homer Simpson

Mancation: A man's vacation. Generally includes lots of beer, a Redneck grill, slabs of meat for cooking and a sack of fireworks. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused. "It was supposed to be hot today." - Steven Wright

More people watch television and get their information that way than read books. I find new technology and new ways of communication very exciting. - Stephen Covey

In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One. - Yakov Smirnoff

You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and the let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something. - Mitch Hedberg

Others may prefer mindless entertainment, but on Sunday nights, you'll find me parked right in front of my television, munching popcorn and improving my intellect by watching 'Masterpiece Classic.' - Teresa Medeiros

I know that we shall meet problems along the way, but I'd far rather see for myself what's going on in the world outside, than rely on newspapers, television, politicians and religious leaders to tell me what I should be thinking. - Michael Palin