Redneck TV Tray

The vertizontal hold on the TV. - Archie Bunker

Television is democracy at its ugliest. - Paddy Chayefsky

It's the hottest thing on television. - Donald Trump

In television blood is thicker than talent. - Gerald F Lieberman

Kids don't remember their best day of television. - Unknown

Igloo: 1. An icicle built for two; 2. An Alaskan toilet. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare. - Fred Allen

Sex on television can't hurt you - unless you fall off. - Unknown

Bed is like the womb, only drier and with better TV reception. - Linda Richman

Let's bask in television's warm, glowing, warming glow. - Homer Simpson

Canadian cities looked the way American cities did on television. - William Gibson

Most of the time he sounds like he has a mouth full of toilet paper. - Rex Reed

Entertainment is a thing of the past, today we've got television. - Archie Bunker

Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television. - David Letterman

Getting an award from TV is like being kissed by someone with bad breath. - Mason Williams

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other. - Ann Landers

Do you realize if it weren't for Edison we'd be watching TV by candlelight? - Al Boliska

I hate television. I hate it as much as peanuts. But I can't stop eating peanuts. - Orson Welles

France is a country where the money falls apart but you can't tear the toilet paper. - Billy Wilder

One of the most important gifts we have in television - the ability to heal through laughter. - Soleil M Frye

Jitterbug: 1. A Scotchman in front of a pay toilet; 2. Insect that's had too much coffee. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

President Ford tells us all to bite the bullet and Betsy Ford goes on TV and shoots off her mouth. - Archie Bunker

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno

By eating many fruits and vegetables in place of fast food and junk food, people could avoid obesity. - David H Murdock

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight. - Milton Berle

If I don't work, I'll be sitting on the couch watching TV, eating popcorn and getting like a cow. - Celia Cruz

I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused. "It was supposed to be hot today." - Steven Wright

The average family spends 30 hours in front of a television, and they say they don't have the time to have a balanced, integrated life. - Stephen Covey

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My dreams were showing up on TV's all over the world. - Steven Wright

More people watch television and get their information that way than read books. I find new technology and new ways of communication very exciting. - Stephen Covey

What brought me into the TV business is what keeps me here and happy. You can learn something new every day if you have a really positive attitude. - Katie Couric

If you liberals keep gettin' your way - we're all gonna hear one big loud flush. The sound of the U.S. of A. goin' straight down the toilet. - Archie Bunker

In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One. - Yakov Smirnoff

When I find out a hotel doesn't have a DSL, it's like "What? There's no toilet?" Once you get used to high speed you ain't going back. - Robin Williams

I am not Spock. But given the choice, if I had to be someone else, I would be Spock. If someone said, "You can have the choice of being any other TV character ever played," I would choose Spock. I like him. I admire him. I respect him. - Leonard Nimoy

First we thought the PC was a calculator. Then we found out how to turn numbers into letters with ASCII - and we thought it was a typewriter. Then we discovered graphics, and we thought it was a television. With the World Wide Web, we've realized it's a brochure. - Douglas Adams

My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him. - Rita Rudner