#1 humor site on the 'net

Royals Leave Hospital

Prince Harry and The Great Kate Wait

Royals Leave Hospital thanks to Emery Pettigrove

Kate Middleton and Prince William introduce Charlotte Elizabeth Diana

QuotaBills
No man is an Ireland. - Richard Daley

What Britain needs is an iron lady. - Margaret Thatcher

I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West

Ireland is the old sow that eats her farrow. - James Joyce

He was not only a bore; he bored for England. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Tea to the English is really a picnic indoors. - Alice Walker

Never live like a king, and die like a pauper. - Joe Segal

I think Queen Elizabeth II is a charming woman. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Women in London must have learned not to breathe. - Irene Trimble

The English contribution to world cuisine. The chip. - John Cleese

In the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. - Erasmus

Hunger is felt by a slave and hunger is felt by a king. - Ashanti Proverb

Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown

The best thing I know between France and England is the sea. - Douglas Jerrold

Irene Lorenzo, queen of the Women's Lubrication Movement. - Archie Bunker

The English winter - ending in July, to recommence in August. - Lord Byron

The English have three vegetables and two of them are cabbage. - Walter Page

You know it's summer in Ireland when the rain gets warmer. - Hal Roach

What Great Britain calls the Far East is to us the near north. - Robert Gordon Menzies

Britain's last gold medal was a bronze in 1952 in Helsinki. - Nigel Starmer-Smith

Dublin University contains the cream of Ireland - rich and thick. - Samuel Beckett

At the end of the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box. - Italian Proverb

We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English. - Winston Churchill

Elvis may have been the king of rock 'n roll, but I am the queen. - Little Richard

Britain's most useful role is somewhere between bee and dinosaur. - Harold MacMillan

Martin Luther King did not say, 'I have a mission statement.' - Simon Sinek

The institution of royalty in any form is an insult to the human race. - Mark Twain

The man who can dominate a London dinner-table can dominate the world. - Oscar Wilde

England is an empire, Germany is a nation, a race, France is a person. - Jules Michelet

The English are not an inventive people; they don't eat enough pie. - Thomas Edison

The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm. - Alexander Woollcott

Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper. - Adelle Davis

When it's three o'clock in New York, it's still 1938 in London. - Bette Midler

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen. - Dolly Parton

There are ways of singing in English that are not just the same as in French. - Coeur de Pirate

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

Exercise is king, nutrition is queen. Put them together and you have a kingdom. - Jack LaLanne

The most beautiful words in the English language are "cheque enclosed". - Dorothy Parker

My favourite characters in the Bible are King David, Delilah and Charlton Heston. - Milton Berle

Humour is practically the only thing about which the English are utterly serious. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Men are like a deck of cards. You'll find the occasional king, but most are jacks. - Laura Swenson

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining. - Groucho Marx

The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that, everyone chortles. - Garrison Keillor

Never make fun of someone who speaks broken English. It means they know another language. - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I

The trouble with Ireland is that it's a country full of genius, with absolutely no talent. - Hugh Leonard

A broken heart is a very pleasant complaint for a man in London if he has a comfortable income. - George Bernard Shaw

Ireland is a small but insuppressible island half an hour nearer the sunset than Great Britain. - Thomas Kettle

I had to have some balls to be Irish Catholic in South London. Most of that time I spent fighting. - Pierce Brosnan

The first who was king was a fortunate soldier: Who serves his country well has no need of ancestors. - Voltaire

It was so hot today that Burger King was singing, 'if you want it your way, cook it yourself.' - Johnny Carson

In America, the policeman is a working-class hero. In England, the policeman is a working-class traitor. - Martin Amis

I'm a games and theory king of guy. I love puzzles, so it was fun dissecting Shakespeare's prose. - Neil Patrick Harris

There is no king who has not had a slave among his ancestors, and no slave who has not had a king among his. - Helen Keller

I have a catch phrase: "You're fired," ... Don King has a catch phrase: "Not Guilty." - Donald Trump

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

If it is good to have one foot in England, it is still better, or at least as good, to have the other out of it. - Henry James

If you find yourself saying, "But I can't speak English...", try adding the word "... yet". - Jane Revell

I welcome him like I welcome cold sores. He's from England, he's angry, and he's got Mad Power Disease. - Paula Abdul

No bum that can't speak poifect English oughta stay in this country - oughta be de-exported the hell outta here! - Archie Bunker

If the English language made any sense, 'lackadaisical' would have something to do with a shortage of flowers. - Doug Larson

Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt

Englishmen learn Christ's law best in English. Moses heard God's law in his own tongue; so did Christ's apostles. - John Wycliffe

Every street in London has a camera, and if you ever travel up the M4, it feels as if George Orwell should be your chauffeur. - Don McCullin

The diamond may adorn royalty, regardless of personal worth; but jewels of thought render even poverty illustrious and sublime. - Gems for the Fireside

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

I think what's going on with gorillas is pretty bad. The fact is that you can buy gorilla meat in London any day you want it. - Adam Ant

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? - George Carlin

Miracle: An act or event out of the order of nature and unaccountable, as beating a normal hand of four kings and an ace with four aces and a king. - Ambrose Bierce


Saying Pun

Redneck Blinds

Kid Disposal

Motorvation

Electric Football

Montgomery Ward 1934 Christmas Catalog

Halloween Lamp

Making Music Together

Back Asswards

Tent Peg Setup

Fang Treats

Model T Snowmobile

Skinny Puddy Tat

Redneck Cocktail

Drug Dog Search

Vice Grip Handles

Nouveau Riche

Triple Bypass Burger

Hyphenated Names

Indian Fish Pond

Lunch Anyone?

Wet T-Shirt Contest Winners

Giraffe Lunch

Bathroom Celebration