Self-Diagnosis Warning

Sickness soaks the purse. - International Proverb

Diabetes taught me discipline. - Sonia Sotomayor

Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I think I can wipe out diabetes. - Robert Atkins

Diabetes is caused by melancholy. - Thomas Willis

One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

Fashion saves a lot more lives than doctors. - Bruno Gehard

Sickness comes on horseback but departs on foot. - Dutch Proverb

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Why do the best doctors have the sickest patients? - Unknown

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker

Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher

Somebody must get the incompetent lawyers and doctors. - George Bernard Shaw

Though physician to others, yet himself full of sores. - Latin Proverb

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb

If you wish to die young, make your physician your heir. - Romania Proverb

I'm never sick. Why get sick? It's a waste of time. - Martha Stewart

Document: Repeating what your Doctor told you in your own words - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined. - Samuel Goldwyn

Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Be kind to your dentist because he has "fillings" too. - Unknown

Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett

NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable. - Mitch Hedberg

I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield

I wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things. - Gilbert Gottfried

We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. - Joseph Heller

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie. - Rodney Dangerfield

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown

A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh

The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? - George Carlin

A psychiatrist is a man who goes to Les Folies Bergere and looks at the audience. - Mervyn Stockwood

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

The fact that your patient gets well does not prove that your diagnosis was correct. - Samuel J. Meltzer

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

What clinical lectures I will give in heaven, demonstrating the ignorance of doctors! - Israel Zangwill

If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman

I'm having difficulty getting the doctors around here to sign the appropriate form. - Spike Milligan

Life is not over because you have diabetes. Make the most of what you have, be grateful. - Dale Evans

Stress exacerbates any problem, whether it's diabetes, heart trouble, MS, or whatever. - Mary Ann Mobley

We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne

Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. - Rodney Dangerfield

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

My heart, which is so full to overflowing, has often been solaced and refreshed by music when sick and weary. - Martin Luther

What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. - Rodney Dangerfield

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

With some diseases, like type 2 diabetes, if people get alerted early, they can take steps to avert getting sick. - Elizabeth Holmes

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

The public needs to know - they need to know as much about atrial fibrillation as they do about cancer and diabetes. - Barry Manilow

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

I chalk up the fact that I got diabetes to my body saying, 'Dude, you have been doing wrong for way too long!' - Randy Jackson

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

The only weapon with which the unconscious patient can immediately retaliate upon the incompetent surgeon is hemorrhage. - William Stewart Halsted

It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

To the person with a toothache, even if the world is tottering, there is nothing more important than a visit to a dentist. - George Bernard Shaw

'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz

I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins

The art of healing comes from nature, not from the physician. Therefore the physician must start from nature, with an open mind. - Paracelsus

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life. Based on that math, I should have died in 1732. - Unknown

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

I do not love to work out, but if I stick to exercising every day and put the right things in my mouth, then my diabetes just stays in check. - Halle Berry

You've heard of people calling in sick. You may have called in sick a few times yourself. But have you ever thought about calling in well? - Tom Robbins

A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. And a psychiatrist is a man who collects the rent. - Lord Webb-Johnson

There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman

I am keeping with tradition today. After I learned of my Golden Globe nomination, I went to the dentist, so today, let's make it the orthodontist. - Frankie Muniz

In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart