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Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

Every disease is a physician. - Irish Proverb

Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

Good doctors make poor patients. - Unknown

One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb

I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

Fashion saves a lot more lives than doctors. - Bruno Gehard

The doctors X-rayed my head an found nothing. - Dizzy Dean

When fate arrives the physician becomes a fool. - Arabic proverb

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

Why do the best doctors have the sickest patients? - Unknown

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito

Life itself still remains a very effective therapist. - Karen Horney

Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. - French Proverb

There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

If you wish to die young, make your physician your heir. - Romania Proverb

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman

Dear Math: I'm not a therapist. Solve your own problems. - Unknown

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back. - Richard Lewis

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard

Observation, Reason, Human Understanding, Courage; these make the physician. - Martin H. Fischer

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

It is said to be the manner of hypochondriacs to change often their physician. - William Cullen

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

He's the best physician that knows the worthlessness of the most medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? - George Carlin

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

I'm having difficulty getting the doctors around here to sign the appropriate form. - Spike Milligan

The latest thing in psychiatry is group therapy. Instead of couches, they use bunk beds. - Henny Youngman

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne

The yoga mat is a good place to turn when talk therapy and antidepressants aren't enough. - Amy Weintraub

Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold

A physician buries his mistakes, a dentist pulls them out, but a teacher has to live with them. - Unknown

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

Some of these people need ten years of therapy - ten sentences of mine do not equal ten years of therapy. - Oscar Wilde

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. - Eric Ericksen

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

Being in therapy is great. I spend an hour just talking about myself. It's kinda like being the guy on a date. - Caroline Rhea

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

The only weapon with which the unconscious patient can immediately retaliate upon the incompetent surgeon is hemorrhage. - William Stewart Halsted

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

Each patient ought to feel somewhat the better after the physician's visit, irrespective of the nature of the illness. - Warfield Theobald Longcope

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

A physician is obligated to consider more than a diseased organ, more even than the whole man — he must view the man in his world. - Harvey Cushing

Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life. Based on that math, I should have died in 1732. - Unknown

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles

The paradigm of treating menopause symptoms with the lowest effective dose of hormone therapy, for the shortest period necessary, is very sensible. - Hugh Taylor

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer

One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler


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