Smirnoff Women

When the wine is in, the wit is out. - English Proverb

Successful Woman: One who finds such a man - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

We only serve fine wine. Did you bring any? - Unknown

Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown

Ideal Wife: Any woman who has an ideal husband - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Music is the wine that fills the cup of silence. - Robert Fripp

Waitress: A woman who thinks money grows on trays - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

As Unto The Bow The Cord Is, So Unto The Man Is Woman - Longfellow

Bladder: The human apparatus that pays the tax on beer - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it. - George Carlin

I like men who have a future and women who have a past. - Oscar Wilde

Women like silent men. They think they're listening. - Marcel Achard

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. - Walt Disney

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. - Groucho Marx

A woman's best protection is a little money of her own. - Clare B Luce

Behind every successful man is a woman. Behind her is his wife. - Groucho Marx

Women and foxes, being weak, are distinguished by superior tact. - Ambrose Bierce

A meal without cheese is like a beautiful woman who lacks an eye. - Jean A Brillat-Savarin

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin

Frump: A woman who looks her age and doesn't try to overlook it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Market: 1. Three women and a goose; 2. What teachers do to homework. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Most women are afraid of clowns, but somehow end up still dating one. - Unknown

Love is what happens to men and women who don’t know each other. - W Somerset Maugham

I am a woman meant for a man, but I never found a man who could compete. - Bette Davis

That woman speaks eighteen languages and can't say no in any of them. - Dorothy Parker

A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea. - Honore de Balzac

If women can be railroad workers in Russia, why can't they fly in space? - Valentina Tereshkova

Bargain Sale: A place where a woman can ruin one dress while she buys another - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The woman who can create her own job is the one who will win fame and fortune. - Amelia Earhart

A woman's best love letters are always written to the man she is betraying. - Lawrence Durrell

Menopause is our chance to say, "I am woman - open a freaking window." - Unknown

Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to become as mediocre as possible. - Margaret Mead

New York champagne - that's a phony label. They don't grow raisins in New York. - Archie Bunker

Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed. - Oscar Wilde

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days. - Robin Williams

A man has to be Joe McCarthy to be called ruthless. All a woman has to do is put you on hold. - Marlo Thomas

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd,
Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorned. - William Congreve

After all, inside every woman, no matter how grown up she is, there is still a frightened little girl. - Sergei Lukyanenko

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age; a woman who would tell one would tell one anything. - Oscar Wilde

I see when men love women. They give them but a little of their lives. But women when they love give everything. - Oscar Wilde

Women are the most powerful magnet in the universe. And all men are cheap metal. And we all know where north is. - Larry Miller

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. - Sam Levenson

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him... is he still wrong? - George Carlin

I think being a woman is like being Irish. Everyone says you're important and nice, but you take second place all the same. - Iris Murdoch

I'm always worried when a woman sees me naked for the first time. That she's just gonna scream and run out of the park. - Gary Delaney

Every woman's dream is that a man will take her in his arms, throw her into bed... and clean the whole house while she sleeps. - Unknown

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me. - Rodney Dangerfield

Nurse: 1. A woman whose business is to make sickness a pleasure; 2. A young women who holds your wrist and then expects your pulse to be normal. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com