Smirnoff Women

Women's word is never done. - American Proverb

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash

Compromises are for relationships, not wine. - Robert S Caywood

When women go wrong, men go right after them. - Mae West

Behind every good woman is a lot of chocolate. - Unknown

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. - Billy Crystal

Liquor talks mighty loud when it gets loose from the jug. - Joel C Harris

I think housework is the reason most women go to the office. - Heloise Cruse

What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith

Irene Lorenzo, queen of the Women's Lubrication Movement. - Archie Bunker

A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon. - Arnold Haultain

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields

Thinnest Book in the World: 'What Men Know About Women' - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Her mother was a cultivated woman - she was born in a greenhouse. - Spike Milligan

That woman is liable to come at you like a Doberman's Pincher. - Archie Bunker

Frump: A woman who looks her age and doesn't try to overlook it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Men fall in love with their eyes. Women fall in love with their ears. - Dr. Phil McGraw

How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them. - Groucho Marx

My greatest regret is not knowing at 30 what I knew about women at 60. - Arthur Miller

Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age. - Pope John XXIII

To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. - Groucho Marx

A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea. - Honore de Balzac

If women can be railroad workers in Russia, why can't they fly in space? - Valentina Tereshkova

I want to be a millionaire not for the money but for the woman I will become. - Jaime Tardy

When women are mad or depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. - Elayne Boosler

When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking. - Gail Sheehy

Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed. - Oscar Wilde

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often - but I'm well preserved. - Rose Kennedy

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing - and then marry him. - Cher

When a man who is drinking neat gin starts talking about his mother he is past all argument. - C.S. Forester

Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious. - Oscar Wilde

Beauty Parlor: 1. A place where women curl up and dye; 2. A place where everybody knows your MANE. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

She's the sort of woman who lives for others - you can tell the others by their hunted expression. - C S Lewis

A woman's dress should be like a barbed-wire fence: serving its purpose without obstructing the view. - Sophia Loren

The next woman who gets hold of me is gonna light up like a pinball machine and pay off in silver dollars. - Jack Nicholson

If women want any rights more than they got, why don't they just take them and not be talking about it? - Sojourner Truth

Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you get between the right man and the right woman. - Woody Allen

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pick-up truck, and end up with a station wagon. - Tim Allen

No matter how plain a woman may be, if truth and honesty are written across her face, she will be beautiful. - Eleanor Roosevelt

Women are like the police. They could have all the evidence in the world, but they still want the confession. - Chris Rock

She wore far too much rouge last night and not quite enough clothes. That is always a sign of despair in a woman. - Oscar Wilde

Of the two lots, the woman's lot of perpetual motherhood, and the man's of perpetual babyhood, I prefer the man's. - Bernard Shaw

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open. - George Bernard Shaw

Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown

When I was a young man I vowed never to marry until I found the ideal woman. Well, I found her but, alas, she was waiting for the ideal man. - Alain

The best way to meet a woman is in an emergency situation - if you're in a shipwreck, or you find yourself behind enemy lines, or in a flood. - Mark Helprin

A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills. They'd make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while. - Robin Williams