Smirnoff Women

Gin was mother's milk to her. - George Bernard Shaw

Everything's better with bacon and red wine. - Dianne Harman

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it. - George Carlin

A weeping man and a smiling woman are not to be trusted. - Indian Proverb

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks. - Steve Martin

A woman is attractive when she is somebody else's wife. - African Proverb

Some call it Cocktail Hour. To me, it's a support group. - Unknown

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. - Ambrose Bierce

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce. - Mark Twain

I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw

One martini is all right, two is too many, three is not enough. - James Thurber

I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown

You ought to get out of those wet clothes and into a dry martini. - Mae West

Behind every successful man is a woman.
Behind her is his wife. - Groucho Marx

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. - Winston Churchill

There's two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works. - Will Rogers

No one but a woman in love ever sees the maximum of men's greatness. - Anais Nin

That woman speaks eighteen languages and can't say no in any of them. - Dorothy Parker

Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas

A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea. - Honore de Balzac

You can lead a horse to water but I'd rather ride it to the liquor store. - Wayne Nowazek

He who has two women loses his soul. But he who has two homes loses his mind. - Ancient Proverb

This woman was so cross-eyed. She can go to a tennis match and never move her head. - Phyllis Diller

A consultant is a man who knows 147 ways to make love, but doesn't know any women. - Unknown

Women have a hard enough time in this world; telling them the truth would be too cruel. - H L Mencken

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing - and then marry him. - Cher

The true republic: men, their rights and nothing more; women, their rights and nothing less. - Franklin P Adams

The fantasy of every Australian man is to have two women - one cleaning and the other dusting. - Maurenn Murphy

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied. - Oscar Wilde

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

Women are never disarmed by compliments. Men always are. That is the difference between the sexes. - Oscar Wilde

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?" - Dumas

The fickleness of the women I love is only equalled by the infernal constancy of the women who love me. - George Bernard Shaw

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. - Hunter S Thompson

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public. - Phyllis Diller

Sometimes a man just can't satisfy all of a woman's desires. Which is why God invented dental floss. - Unknown

Remember, we're fighting for this woman’s honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done! - Groucho Marx

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs. - Unknown

Men have trouble dealing with a woman in a position of authority. I've never had trouble with a woman in any position. - Sam Malone

Part of the reason that men seem so much less loving than women is that men's behavior is measured with a feminine ruler. - Francesca M. Cancian

Babies are bits of stardust, blown from the hand of God. Lucky the woman who knows the pangs of birth, for she has held a star. - Larry Barratto

A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine; something Brussels Sprouts never do. - P.J. O'Rourke

From a shy, timid girl I had become a woman of resolute character, who could no longer be frightened by the struggle with troubles. - Anna Dostoevsky

A woman should never be seen eating or drinking, unless it be lobster salad and Champagne, the only true feminine and becoming viands. - George G. Byron

Now I lay facedown on the bed, sobbing for the woman who once slept here not knowing that someday one of her worst fears would come true. - Jennifer Castle

Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking. - Bill Vaughan

A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. "You didn't borrow this." "I will." - Steven Wright

Morals are not, like bacon, to be cured by hanging; nor, like wine, to be improved by sea voyages; nor, like honey, to be preserved in cells. - William Taylor

Like many other women, I could not understand why every man who changed a diaper has felt impelled, in recent years, to write a book about it. - Barbara Ehrenreich