Smirnoff Women

Man has his will, but woman has her way. - Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr

You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker

We only serve fine wine. Did you bring any? - Unknown

Wine improves with age. I improve with wine. - Unknown

A man's only as old as the woman he feels. - Groucho Marx

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs. - Unknown

I am a strong woman because a strong woman raised me. - Unknown

I like men who have a future and women who have a past. - Oscar Wilde

Women like silent men, they think they're listening. - George Carlin

Temptation is a woman's weapon and man's excuse. - H L Mencken

We're women. We have a double standard to live up to. - Ally McBeal

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin

I think if I were a woman I'd wear coffee as a perfume. - John Van Druten

I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw

Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic. - Unknown

Women and foxes, being weak, are distinguished by superior tact. - Ambrose Bierce

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. - Winston Churchill

A woman will buy anything she thinks the store is losing money on. - Kin Hubbard

A man can be happy with any woman, as long as he does not love her. - Oscar Wilde

We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine. - Eduardo Galeano

How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them. - Groucho Marx

The best years of a woman's life - the ten years between 39 and 40. - Unknown

To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson

The test of a man or woman's breeding is how they behave in a quarrel. - George Bernard Shaw

I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

Bargain Sale: A place where a woman can ruin one dress while she buys another - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat. - Oscar Wilde

This woman was so cross-eyed. She can go to a tennis match and never move her head. - Phyllis Diller

A woman is the full circle. Within her is the power to create, nurture and transform. - Diane Mariechild

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. - Phyllis Diller

I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often - but I'm well preserved. - Rose Kennedy

You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and that's not saying much for you. - Groucho Marx

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?" - Dumas

The fickleness of the women I love is only equalled by the infernal constancy of the women who love me. - George Bernard Shaw

I think women are foolish to pretend they are equal to men - they are far superior and always have been. - William Golding

Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you get between the right man and the right woman. - Woody Allen

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself. - Anais Nin

Remember, we're fighting for this woman’s honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done! - Groucho Marx

For twenty-four years I've been in love with the same woman. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me. - Henny Youngman

Women are the most powerful magnet in the universe. And all men are cheap metal. And we all know where north is. - Larry Miller

She wore far too much rouge last night and not quite enough clothes. That is always a sign of despair in a woman. - Oscar Wilde

Men have trouble dealing with a woman in a position of authority. I've never had trouble with a woman in any position. - Sam Malone

Every woman's dream is that a man will take her in his arms, throw her into bed... and clean the whole house while she sleeps. - Unknown

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman - it depends on how much happiness you can handle. - George Burns

Like many other women, I could not understand why every man who changed a diaper has felt impelled, in recent years, to write a book about it. - Barbara Ehrenreich

Under the present circumstances, I would rather be a lap dancer than a woman MP - the hours are better and unruly male members are shown the door. - Allison Pearson

I have frequently been questioned, especially by women, of how I could reconcile family life with a scientific career. Well, it has not been easy. - Marie Curie

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster