That's My Bed

France is a dog-hole. - William Shakespeare

Here's looking at you, kid. - Casablanca

Book lovers never go to bed alone. - Unknown

A dog has the soul of a philosopher. - Plato

Lassitude: A heroic dog with attitude - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

How much is that doggie in the window? - Bob Merrill

My little dog - a heartbeat at my feet. - Edith Wharton

I love shark week, all kids swim for free. - Josh Stern

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend. - Emo Philips

Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino

One trained dog equals 60 search-and-rescue workers. - Charles Stoehr

Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend. - Corey Ford

The scalded dog fears hot water, and afterwards, cold. - Italian Proverb

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

You have to get up early if you want to get out of bed. - Groucho Marx

Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. - Leo Rosten

Better to be the head of a dog than the tail of a lion. - English Proverb

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. - George Burns

Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell and advertise. - Ted Turner

Colliefornia: The American state that has gone to the dogs - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. - Roger Caras

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. - Homer Simpson

Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called "Ego". - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Lilac: 'He's a nice kid but he can lilac anything.' - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Baby Boomer: A kid who just polished off six jars of raspberry jam - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish. - Phyllis Diller

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex. - Bill Maher

It takes more love to share the saddle than it does to share the bed. - Unknown

I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me. - William Shakespeare

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P Jones

Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise. - Benjamin Franklin

Raising kids make most people, including me, grow up at least a little. - Madonna

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. - Aldous Huxley

If I could be half the person my dog is, I'd be twice the human I am. - Unknown

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. - Fred Astaire

I'm pretty intentional about being highly invested in my kids' lives. - Mark Batterson

Pajamas: Items of clothing that newlyweds place beside the bed in case of fire - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. - Alphonse de Lamartine

Observe your dog: if he's fat, then you're not getting enough exercise. - Evan Esar

Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother willing to let him have one. - Unknown

I can get motivated seeing a kid at my son's school overcome a learning disability. - Jason Alexander

I'm so ugly my father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet. - Rodney Dangerfield

Zucchini: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Don't make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans, or they'll treat you like dogs. - Martha Scott

If Joan of Arc could turn the tide of an entire war before her 18th birthday, you can get out of bed. - E. Jean Carroll

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. - Steven Wright

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. - Rodney Dangerfield

All kids are trouble, Edith. And I don't wanna spend my reclining years trying to raise another one. - Archie Bunker

Obama and his attack dogs have nothing but hate and anger in their hearts and spew it whenever possible. - Donald Trump

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives. - Sue Murphy

As a kid, you looked forward to Charlie Brown during Halloween and you looked forward to Monday Night Football. - Nick Ferguson

You know you're a mom when you go to the store for yourself and come out with a bag of things for your kids. - Unknown

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you. - Nora Ephron

Horse: 1. An oatsmobile; 2. An animal that cannot say yes, only neigh; 3. An animal that goes to bed with its shoes on. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper and you get more feet. - Rita Rudner

You know your kids are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. - P.J. O'Rourke

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

When I was a kid, one cop could have taken care of the whole neighborhood. Now, one cop wouldn't be safe in the neighborhood. - Mike Royko

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

When it comes to hockey, it's been in my blood since I was 3 or 4 years old. I love coaching the kids, especially at that level. - Mario Lemieux

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman

If you want your kids to listen to you, don't yell at them. Whisper. Make them lean in. My kids taught me that. I do it with adults now. - Mario Batali

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash