That's My Bed

Do it big or stay in bed. - Larry Kelly

Here's looking at you, kid. - Casablanca

No bed is big enough to hold three. - German Proverb

I go through life like a Karate Kid. - Britney Spears

Lassitude: A heroic dog with attitude - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

To err is human, for forgive, canine. - Unknown

How much is that doggie in the window? - Bob Merrill

My little dog - a heartbeat at my feet. - Edith Wharton

Dogs that bark at a distance never bite. - Unknown

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. - Harry S Truman

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright

He who sleeps on the floor will not fall off the bed. - Robert Gronock

Kids don't remember their best day of television. - Unknown

The scalded dog fears hot water, and afterwards, cold. - Italian Proverb

I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too! - The Wizard of Oz

You have to get up early if you want to get out of bed. - Groucho Marx

Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. - Leo Rosten

Better to be the head of a dog than the tail of a lion. - English Proverb

Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad. - WC Fields

No civilized person goes to bed the same day he gets up. - Richard H Davis

Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell and advertise. - Ted Turner

Hot Dog: The only animal that feeds the hand that bites it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman

It's great to get up in the morning, but nicer to lie in bed. - Unknown

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. - Rodney Dangerfield

Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer. - Leo Rosten

I ordered a bed from IKEA and they sent me a tree trunk and a saw. - Eileen Curtright

A dog is a man's best friend. A cat is a cat's best friend. - Robert J Vogel

Jackpot: When all the kids stay at friends' homes for the night - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish. - Phyllis Diller

It takes more love to share the saddle than it does to share the bed. - Unknown

Early to rise and early to bed makes a male healthy and wealthy and dead. - James Thurber

If it weren't for the rocks in its bed, the stream would have no song. - Carl Perkins

I'd like to be the ideal mother, but I'm too busy raising my kids. - Unknown

Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas

Bad habits are like a good bed; easy to get into but difficult to get out of. - Unknown

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. - Unknown

I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine

Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into, but hard to get out of. - Unknown

When a kid says "smell my hand," it almost never smells like cinnamon. - Brian P. Cleary

Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed. - Don Rickles

I am obsessed with Costco. I love the salmon and rotisserie chicken, the dog beds. - Kris Jenner

Raising boys is like raising puppies. One must take them for a walk every few hours. - Jody Defries

My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng

When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding. - Demetri Martin

I've gone from being bullied by jocks as a kid to being bullied by nerds as an adult. - Chris Hardwick

It is a very funny thing that the sleepier you are, the longer you take about getting to bed. - C S Lewis

I just want to make sure when I have kids, I can spend time with them. That's the whole point. - Mark Zuckerberg

You're welcome to come here, except my bed's from Ikea so it's more unstable than I am. - Unknown

What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland

Because there is always some kid who may be seeing me for the first or last time, I owe him my best. - Joe DiMaggio

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. - Steven Wright

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

I'm suspicious of people who don't like dogs, but I trust a dog when it doesn't like a person. - Unknown

Here lies my past.
Good-bye I have kissed it;
Thank you, kids.
I wouldn’t have missed it. - Ogden Nash

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. - Unknown

One of the secrets of a long and fruitful life is to forgive everybody everything every night before you go to bed. - Ann Landers

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians,
and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people. - Groucho Marx

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years. - Ernest Hemingway

The perfect date for me would be staying at home, making a big picnic in bed, eating Wotsits and cookies while watching cable TV. - Kim Kardashian

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

I love to play hide and seek with my kid, but some days my goal is to find a hiding place where he can't find me until after high school. - Unknown