That's My Bed

France is a dog-hole. - William Shakespeare

Every dog has his day. - Unknown

Let sleeping dogs lie. - French Proverb

Let fightin' dogs lie - Archie Bunker

Dogs never bite me. Just humans. - Marilyn Monroe

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff. - Unknown

A revolution is not a bed of roses. - Fidel Castro

I go through life like a Karate Kid. - Britney Spears

Dogs that bark at a distance never bite. - Unknown

A dog in desperation will leap over a wall. - Unknown

As you make your bed, so you must lie in it. - Daniel J. Boorstin

He who lies down with dogs, rises with fleas. - English Proverb

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright

Kids don't remember their best day of television. - Unknown

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. - George Burns

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. - Ogden Nash

I often take exercise. Only yesterday I had breakfast in bed. - Oscar Wilde

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. - Edward Abbey

In a sick-room or a bed-room there should never be shutters shut. - Florence Nightingale

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. - Rodney Dangerfield

Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer. - Leo Rosten

As a kid, I got three meals a day. Oatmeal, miss-a-meal and no meal. - Mr. T

I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me. - William Shakespeare

All kids are gifted: some just open their packages earlier than others. - Michael Carr

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. - Aldous Huxley

If it weren't for the rocks in its bed, the stream would have no song. - Carl Perkins

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly

Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas

Bad habits are like a good bed; easy to get into but difficult to get out of. - Unknown

The great majority of neuroses in women have their origin in the marriage bed. - Sigmund Freud

Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into, but hard to get out of. - Unknown

Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed. - Don Rickles

The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids. - Jill Bensley

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. - Rodney Dangerfield

Diplomacy is the art of saying, "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock. - Will Rogers

Raising boys is like raising puppies. One must take them for a walk every few hours. - Jody Defries

My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng

I can get motivated seeing a kid at my son's school overcome a learning disability. - Jason Alexander

I am who I am: an Irish Catholic kid, working class from Long Island. And I made it big. - Bill O'Reilly

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers

I love working in Canada. The ovation is great. It makes me feel like I'm the top dog. - Owen Hart

Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done, and done right. - Walt Disney

Let Wall Street have a nightmare and the whole country has to help get them back in bed again. - Will Rogers

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it. - George Burns

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx

What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland

If Joan of Arc could turn the tide of an entire war before her 18th birthday, you can get out of bed. - E. Jean Carroll

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. - Steven Wright

Apparently, as a kid, I used to eat spiders. Maybe there's some Freudian significance behind that. - Matt Smith

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton

No matter how long we've been together Edith, you still, as the kids say, "turn me over." - Archie Bunker

No kid is unsmart. Every kid's a genius at something. Our job is to find it. And then encourage it. - Robin Sharma

Every boy needs a role model that he can be proud of and talk about to the other kids in the playground. - Athol Fugard

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

I was a huge bookworm as a kid, and you could usually find me reading something with a dragon on its cover. - Julie Kagawa

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. - Unknown

It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months. - Phyllis Diller

I thank the Lord I no longer have to go to work. I just get out of bed in the morning, and there it is - all around me. - Unknown

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper and you get more feet. - Rita Rudner

An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut

To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years. - Ernest Hemingway

The perfect date for me would be staying at home, making a big picnic in bed, eating Wotsits and cookies while watching cable TV. - Kim Kardashian

When I was a kid, one cop could have taken care of the whole neighborhood. Now, one cop wouldn't be safe in the neighborhood. - Mike Royko

If you want your kids to listen to you, don't yell at them. Whisper. Make them lean in. My kids taught me that. I do it with adults now. - Mario Batali

Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash