That's My Bed

France is a dog-hole. - William Shakespeare

Let fightin' dogs lie - Archie Bunker

A revolution is not a bed of roses. - Fidel Castro

A hungry dog will eat dirty puddings. - Latin Proverb

My little dog - a heartbeat at my feet. - Edith Wharton

I'm good in bed. I can sleep all day. - Unknown

Great shot kid, that was one in a million. - Han Solo

You can't teach a young dog old tricks. - Warren Buffett

The dog represents all that is best in man. - Etienne Charlet

He who lies down with dogs, rises with fleas. - English Proverb

A good bone does not always come to a good dog. - French Proverb

Raising kids is a walk in the park. Jurassic Park. - Unknown

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright

With kids, the days are long, but the years are short. - John Leguizamo

When I was a kid everyone used to call me pork 'n. - Michael Biehn

I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too! - The Wizard of Oz

Better to be the head of a dog than the tail of a lion. - English Proverb

Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen. - Unknown

Gigantic: The biggest, scariest bug in your dog's fur - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. - Homer Simpson

Dogs come into our lives and leave paw prints on our hearts. - Unknown

Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson

We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up. - Christopher Morley

It's great to get up in the morning, but nicer to lie in bed. - Unknown

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. - Rodney Dangerfield

A dog is a man's best friend. A cat is a cat's best friend. - Robert J Vogel

Jackpot: When all the kids stay at friends' homes for the night - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish. - Phyllis Diller

As a kid, I got three meals a day. Oatmeal, miss-a-meal and no meal. - Mr. T

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex. - Bill Maher

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P Jones

Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores

Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best. - Bob Talbert

Silence is golden unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious. - Unknown

If it weren't for the rocks in its bed, the stream would have no song. - Carl Perkins

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

I'm pretty intentional about being highly invested in my kids' lives. - Mark Batterson

I'm like the kid in kindergarten; I really do send valentines to everyone. - Susie Bright

I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine

I'm not buying my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did. - Yogi Berra

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

All kids need is a little help, a little hope, and somebody who believes in them. - Earvin "Magic" Johnson

The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids. - Jill Bensley

I am obsessed with Costco. I love the salmon and rotisserie chicken, the dog beds. - Kris Jenner

Raising boys is like raising puppies. One must take them for a walk every few hours. - Jody Defries

My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. - Lewis Grizzard

In bed, I'm totally impudent... (later) I got the feeling my prudence is coming back. - Archie Bunker

If we would listen to our kids, we'd discover that they are largely self-explanatory. - Robert Brault

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. - Phyllis Diller

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill

Having kids is the ultimate job in life. I want to be most successful at being a good father. - Nick Lachey

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen

Having a kid is like falling in love for the first time when you're 12, but every single day. - Mike Myers

No human being believes that any other human being has a right to be in bed when he himself is up. - Robert Lynd

Because there is always some kid who may be seeing me for the first or last time, I owe him my best. - Joe DiMaggio

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. - Steven Wright

Every boy needs a role model that he can be proud of and talk about to the other kids in the playground. - Athol Fugard

For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair. - Arnold Toynbee

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is certain dogs I know will go to heaven, and very, very few people. - James Thurber

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you. - Nora Ephron

It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months. - Phyllis Diller

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face. - Rodney Dangerfield

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash