That's My Bed

Happiness is a warm puppy. - Charles Schulz

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker

Dogs never bite me. Just humans. - Marilyn Monroe

Book lovers never go to bed alone. - Unknown

A dog has the soul of a philosopher. - Plato

To err is human, for forgive, canine. - Unknown

How much is that doggie in the window? - Bob Merrill

I am I because my little dog knows me. - Gertrude Stein

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. - Phyllis Diller

My little dog - a heartbeat at my feet. - Edith Wharton

I love shark week, all kids swim for free. - Josh Stern

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. - Madame de Stael

Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend. - Emo Philips

Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino

Raising kids is a walk in the park. Jurassic Park. - Unknown

Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare. - Ed Asner

One trained dog equals 60 search-and-rescue workers. - Charles Stoehr

Kids don't remember their best day of television. - Unknown

With kids, the days are long, but the years are short. - John Leguizamo

Be on your guard against a silent dog and still water. - Latin Proverb

If a man be great, even his dog will ear a proud look. - Japanese Proverb

Any kid will run any errand for you if you ask at bedtime. - Red Skelton

When I was a kid I inhaled frequently. That was the point. - Barack Obama

I'm not afraid of spiders; I've had worse in my bed. - Donna Lynn Hope

For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move. - Phyllis Diller

I often take exercise. Only yesterday I had breakfast in bed. - Oscar Wilde

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called "Ego". - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

No man should live where he can hear his neighbor's dog bark. - Nathaniel Macon

I ordered a bed from IKEA and they sent me a tree trunk and a saw. - Eileen Curtright

Silence is golden unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious. - Unknown

Joy Of Motherhood: What a woman experiences when all the kids are in bed - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri

I'd like to be the ideal mother, but I'm too busy raising my kids. - Unknown

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

The trees in Siberia are miles apart - that's why the dogs are so fast. - Bob Hope

I'm like the kid in kindergarten; I really do send valentines to everyone. - Susie Bright

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. - Alphonse de Lamartine

When I was a kid, I used to think pork chops and karate chops were the same thing. - Shane Koyczan

Raising boys is like raising puppies. One must take them for a walk every few hours. - Jody Defries

Anyone who thinks the art of conversation is dead ought to tell a child to go to bed. - Robert Gallagher

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. - Lewis Grizzard

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. - Mark Twain

I've gone from being bullied by jocks as a kid to being bullied by nerds as an adult. - Chris Hardwick

Zucchini: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen

You know how kids dream of being soccer players or actors? Well, my dream was to be a sushi chef. - Nobu Matsuhisa

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

If Joan of Arc could turn the tide of an entire war before her 18th birthday, you can get out of bed. - E. Jean Carroll

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. - Rodney Dangerfield

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. - Erma Bombeck

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives. - Sue Murphy

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather

One of the secrets of a long and fruitful life is to forgive everybody everything every night before you go to bed. - Ann Landers

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you. - Nora Ephron

You know your kids are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. - P.J. O'Rourke

The perfect date for me would be staying at home, making a big picnic in bed, eating Wotsits and cookies while watching cable TV. - Kim Kardashian

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

What's money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do. - Bob Dylan

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

Having kids - the responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, responsible human beings - is the biggest job anyone can embark on. - Maria Shriver

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz