That's My Bed

The dog is the god of frolic. - Henry Ward Beecher

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker

No bed is big enough to hold three. - German Proverb

A dog has the soul of a philosopher. - Plato

I'm good in bed. I can sleep all day. - Unknown

Joy Ride: Going somewhere without the kids - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The dog represents all that is best in man. - Etienne Charlet

You can kid the world, but not your sister. - Charlotte Gray

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. - Madame de Stael

Get the hanging dog expression off your face. - Archie Bunker

Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare

Raising kids is a walk in the park. Jurassic Park. - Unknown

One trained dog equals 60 search-and-rescue workers. - Charles Stoehr

If a man be great, even his dog will ear a proud look. - Japanese Proverb

I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too! - The Wizard of Oz

You have to get up early if you want to get out of bed. - Groucho Marx

Juvenile Delinquency: Modern term for what we did as kids - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Bed is like the womb, only drier and with better TV reception. - Linda Richman

Lilac: 'He's a nice kid but he can lilac anything.' - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up. - Christopher Morley

If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one. - Andrew A. Rooney

Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer. - Leo Rosten

I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish. - Phyllis Diller

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex. - Bill Maher

The quickest way to become an old dog is to stop learning new tricks. - John Rooney

Bed and Breakfast: Two things the kids will never make for themselves - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me. - William Shakespeare

A dog has lots of friends because he wags his tail and not his tongue. - Unknown

Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best. - Bob Talbert

All kids are gifted: some just open their packages earlier than others. - Michael Carr

Early to rise and early to bed makes a male healthy and wealthy and dead. - James Thurber

If I could be half the person my dog is, I'd be twice the human I am. - Unknown

Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri

Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

I'm pretty intentional about being highly invested in my kids' lives. - Mark Batterson

I'm like the kid in kindergarten; I really do send valentines to everyone. - Susie Bright

Pajamas: Items of clothing that newlyweds place beside the bed in case of fire - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I'm not buying my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did. - Yogi Berra

Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into, but hard to get out of. - Unknown

Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told: I'm with you kid, let's go. - Maya Angelou

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later. - Unknown

When I was a kid, I used to think pork chops and karate chops were the same thing. - Shane Koyczan

I am obsessed with Costco. I love the salmon and rotisserie chicken, the dog beds. - Kris Jenner

Love melts the rigor which the rocks have bred; a flint will break upon a feather bed. - John Cleveland

I'm so ugly my father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet. - Rodney Dangerfield

I've gone from being bullied by jocks as a kid to being bullied by nerds as an adult. - Chris Hardwick

I love working in Canada. The ovation is great. It makes me feel like I'm the top dog. - Owen Hart

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx

I just want to make sure when I have kids, I can spend time with them. That's the whole point. - Mark Zuckerberg

Apparently, as a kid, I used to eat spiders. Maybe there's some Freudian significance behind that. - Matt Smith

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. - Rodney Dangerfield

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. - Erma Bombeck

For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is certain dogs I know will go to heaven, and very, very few people. - James Thurber

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

Technology is just a tool. In terms of getting the kids working together and motivating them, the teacher is the most important. - Bill Gates

What's money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do. - Bob Dylan

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell? - Homer Simpson

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

The trout enjoys the river,
The whale enjoys the sea,
And dogs love most an old lamp-post,
But you're my cup of tea. - W H Auden

Juvenile Delinquent: 1. A youngster who has been given a free hand but not in the proper place; 2. A kid who starts acting like his parents. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I love to play hide and seek with my kid, but some days my goal is to find a hiding place where he can't find me until after high school. - Unknown

What's my type? Someone who is supportive. Someone who is warm. Someone I can just curl up and relax with. Wait - I'm describing my bed again. - Bill Murray