#1 humor site on the 'net

Tire Substitute

Rolling Stock - full-time service for a temporary spare

Tire Substitute thanks to Keith Blake

She'll roll, Ricky - just take it easy to the trailer park

QuotaBills
Fjord: Norwegian car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

There are no traffic jams on the extra mile. - Zig Ziglar

Didn't he take the exercise tax off cars? - Archie Bunker

Computer logic is no substitute for human wisdom. - Unknown

Spare Tire: The one you check after you have a flat - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A shop should be like a song of which you never tire. - Harry Gordon Selfridge

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. - Brian Mullin

Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig

Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering. - Carl Jung

She died doing what she loved, taking a selfie in traffic. - Unknown

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. - Frederick Douglass

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic. - Dan Rather

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

Keep your bike in good repair: motorcycle boots are not comfortable for walking. - Unknown

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker

Hope is only a beginning; it's not a substitute for action, only a basis for it. - Rebecca Solnit

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen

Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners. - E. Joseph Crossman

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push. - Rodney Dangerfield

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." - Steven Wright

Golden Age: When the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Neither smiles nor frowns, neither good intentions nor harsh words, are a substitute for strength. - John F Kennedy

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

Advertising is the modern substitute for argument; its function is to make the worse appear the better. - George Santayana

It's much easier to double your business by doubling your conversion rate than doubling your traffic. - Bryan Eisenberg

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

When you're stretching yourself, as a role like 'Blue Jasmine' did for me, you risk falling flat on your face. - Cate Blanchett

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright


Flying is so Overrated

Too Short

Pinocchio Playground

Bike Bed

Hi, My Name's Cliff - Drop Over Some Time!

TP Kid

Soccer Overpass

Aussie Starter Fluid

Laxative Cream Pie

Tea Lights

Modern Stick Family

Florida's Retired Bikers

Arm and Leg Chair

Did you say her name was Alice?

Time Flies

Dunce Hat

Father's Day Selfie

New Arrival

Helping Hands In The Stands

Invisible Patient

Cellfie

Soccer City

Mom Lookout

Texas Gun Lover