Tire Substitute

Life is too short for traffic. - Dan Bellack

Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson

Didn't he take the exercise tax off cars? - Archie Bunker

Computer logic is no substitute for human wisdom. - Unknown

Spare Tire: The one you check after you have a flat - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig

The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining. - John F Kennedy

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit. - W Somerset Maugham

A rabbit's foot is a poor substitute for horse sense. - Unknown

Bedside manners are no substitute for the right diagnosis. - Alfred P. Sloan, Jr.

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

The beaten path is the safest, but the traffic's terrible. - Jeff Taylor

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

You can buy anything on eBay. I bought the world's oldest globe. It's flat. - Buzz Nutley

Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, a touch that never hurts. - Charles Dickens

It's easier to build up a child than it is to repair an adult. Choose your words wisely. - Unknown

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." - Steven Wright

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

Golden Age: When the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

Advertising is the modern substitute for argument; its function is to make the worse appear the better. - George Santayana

It's much easier to double your business by doubling your conversion rate than doubling your traffic. - Bryan Eisenberg

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant - and let the air out of the tires. - Dorothy Parker

Poverty: 1. A state of mind sometimes induced by a neighbour's new car; 2. One thing that money can't buy. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 2,000 MPG. - Bill Gates

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

When you're stretching yourself, as a role like 'Blue Jasmine' did for me, you risk falling flat on your face. - Cate Blanchett

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

We make decisions based on what we think we know. It wasn't too long ago that the majority of people believed the world was flat. - Simon Sinek

Car Pool: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar - Daffynitions joe-ks.com