#1 humor site on the 'net

Tore The Carpet Up Today

Lawn care for those who now don't care

Tore The Carpet Up Today thanks to Keith Blake

Tree removal is easy for some people

Arborist (or arboriculturist) - a professional in the practice of arboriculture - the cultivation, management, and study of individual trees, shrubs, vines, and other perennial woody plants
QuotaBills
A little axe can cut down a big tree. - Jamaican Saying

As welcome as a skunk at a lawn party. - Proverb

The apple will fall under the apple tree. - Greek Proverb

The righteous will flourish like the palm tree. - Psalms 92:12

Once there was a tree, and she loved a little boy. - Shel Silverstein

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

Meet success like a gentleman and disaster like a man. - Lord Birkenhead

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap. - Rodney Dangerfield

Preoccupied with a single leaf you won't see the tree. - Vagabond

The patriot's blood is the seed of Freedom's tree. - Thomas Campbell

When you think about a walking tree, laughter is the response. - John Rhys-Davies

Character is the root of the tree; conduct, the fruit it bears. - E.M. Bounds

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, does it make a sound? - Unknown

Zealotry: 1. The enemy of idealism; 2. What a tree salesman likes to do. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg

Learn not to talk to me. You shake the tree, a leopard's going to fall out. - Kobe Bryant

Southerners are so devoted to genealogy that we see a family tree under every bush. - Florence King

It will never rain roses. When we want to have more roses, we must plant more trees. - George Eliot

A cold wind was blowing from the north, and it made the trees rustle like living things. - George R.R. Martin

The only ultimate disaster that can befall us is to feel ourselves at home on this earth. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Transplanting the ballet to the United States is like trying to raise a palm tree in Dakota. - Lincoln Kirsten

The stars are like the trees in the forest, alive and breathing. And they're watching me. - Haruki Murakami

If I had six hours to chop down a tree, I'd spend the first four hours sharpening the axe. - Abraham Lincoln

Any disaster you can survive is an improvement in your character, your stature, and your life. - Joseph Campbell

There's one good thing about snow: it makes your lawn look as nice as your neighbor's. - Clyde Moore

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. - Thomas Jefferson

I think it's an absolute disaster that Australia, the government, allowed kangaroo culling. - Steve Irwin

If you reveal your secrets to the wind, don't blame the wind for revealing them to the trees. - Kahlil Gibran

We breathe air, trees make air, homework kills trees, therefore homework is going to kill us all. - Unknown

Knowing trees, I understand the meaning of patience. Knowing grass, I can appreciate persistence. - Hal Borland

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

The bulletin board on the lawn of a New Jersey Church reads "We reserve the right to accept everybody." - John Kazmark

I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. - Ronald Reagan

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain

You can't be suspicious of a tree, or accuse a bird or a squirrel of subversion or challenge the ideology of a violet. - Hal Borland

When anyone asks me about the Irish character, I say look at the trees. Maimed, stark and misshapen, but ferociously tenacious. - Unknown

Wolves directly affect the entire ecosystem, not just moose populations, their main prey, because less moose equals more tree growth. - Rolf Peterson

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. - George Carlin

I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree;
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall,
I'll never see a tree at all. - Ogden Nash


New Nail Gun

Breakthrough - Second Wind

Burma Road Cycling

Water Waste Basket

My Daughter and My Money

Executive Decision Time

Animal Rings

Cow Return

Biggest Fan On The Block

Senior's TV Tray

Potty 'Train'ing In India

A Woman Named Five Horses

Vegan Dentist

How To Conserve Gas

Rolling Shoes

How Twins Are Made

Cool Reading Room

Poor Lifetime

Be GarFul

Tooth Ferry

Ready For Rabbits

Ecosystem

Plumber's Night Light

Can I Lick The Bowl