#1 humor site on the 'net

Vegan Slaughter House

Oh, the humanity of it all!

Vegan Slaughter House thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin

Organic Farm: Tilling like it is - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The dieting wars have got to stop. - Lady Gaga

Vegan: An alien from the planet Lettuce - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Fame is a fickle food upon a shifting plate. - Emily Dickinson

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you. - Joan Rivers

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. - Erma Bombeck

Food, love, mother and career: the four basic guilt groups. - Cathy Guisewite

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight. - Rita Rudner

Food for the body is not enough. There must be food for the soul. - Dorothy Day

Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert

Vegetarian: an old Indian word for "doesn't hunt well." - Paul Harvey

Chemically speaking, chocolate really is the world's perfect food. - Michael Levine

Irony: 1. Being witty at all costs; 2. A vegetarian catching swine flu. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen

Your food is close to your stomach, but you must put it in your mouth first. - African Saying

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. - Chris Rock

The majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn't finish. - Carrie Underwood

I am on a ketos diet so I avoid sugar, dairy products, wheat, grain or pulses. - Puneet Issar

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

Man should not try to avoid stress any more than he would shun food, love, or exercise. - Hans Selye

People want honest, flavourful food, not some show-off meal that takes days to prepare. - Ted Allen

If more of us cared about food and home above gold, this world would be a merrier place. - Bilbo Baggins

An old timer is one who remembers when we counted our blessings instead of our calories. - Unknown

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben

I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants. - A. Whitney Brown

Thank you, horseradish, for being neither a radish nor a horse. What you are is a liar food. - Jimmy Fallon

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks. - Joe E Lewis

I like spaghetti bolognese, I like baked beans on toast. I hate French food. I hate fancy food. - Simon Cowell

I'm on a strict liquid diet: Mimosas for breakfast, Margaritas for lunch, Martinis for dinner. - Unknown

Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live in hutches awaiting Easter. - Fran Lebowitz

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

The disparity between a restaurant's price and food quality rises in direct proportion to the size of the pepper mill. - Bryan Miller

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on. - Jean Kerr

I like simple food, seasoned with just salt, pepper, oil and vinegar. Complicated food and complicated lives are never good. - Sirio Maccioni

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

In Japan, animation is a big part of your media diet. I moved out to Los Angeles at 9, and when I got homesick, I would watch anime. - Hiro Murai

New Pasta Diet: Just walk pasta bakery without stopping. Walk pasta candy store without stopping. Walk pasta ice cream shop without stopping. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

There is one longing almost as deep and imperious as the desire for food and sleep. It is the desire to be great. It is the desire to be important. - Dale Carnegie

Our food pyramid, the kind of diet that is constantly promoted, is completely warped. It's not based around anything to do with healing your body. - Jessica Origliasso


Long Noodles

EMS Upgrade

No Pot Of Gold

Graduation Swag

Monkeypox

Pre-Dinner Photography

Curses, Foiled Again

Ant Virus

Sidewalk Malt Melt

Bird's Eye View

Sea Girl

Lifeguard Distancing

Merry Go Motorbike

Build Back Better - Season 2

Build Back Better - Season 1

Zamboni Date

Bagpipe Runners

9 Months On The Inside

Noah Called

The Mighty Stegosaurus

Get A Dog They Said

Are You Ready?

Down Day

Peddle Sewing Machine Sink