#1 humor site on the 'net

Waiting Is Good

Finding the person you need to be sorry for in the ER

Waiting Is Good thanks to Lorraine Ovenall

Emergency Room Rex has a message for you

QuotaBills
Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin

Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper

The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil

Time and tide wait for no man. - Geoffrey Chaucer

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

Racing is life. Everything else is just... waiting. - Steve McQueen

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato

Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura

Do not wait for the last judgment. It comes every day. - Albert Camus

Between the wish and the thing the world lies waiting. - Cormac McCarthy

The hardest part of growing up is learning how to wait. - Leo Rosten

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields

Being on a tightrope is living; everything else is waiting. - Karl Wallenda

I'm never sick. Why get sick? It's a waste of time. - Martha Stewart

I couldn't wait for success, so I went ahead without it. - Jonathan Winters

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer

If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin

If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown

Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans

Energy is liberated matter; matter is energy waiting to happen. - Bill Bryson

Document: Repeating what your Doctor told you in your own words - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable. - Mitch Hedberg

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club. - Jack London

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield

Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. - Malachy McCourt

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen

Nurses dispense comfort, compassion, and caring without even a prescription. - Val Saintsbury

People wait all week for Friday, all year for summer, all life for happiness. - Raimonda

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke

Amateurs sit and wait for inspiration; the rest of us just get up and go to work. - Stephen King

I just invent, then wait until man comes around to needing what I've invented. - R Buckminster Fuller

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

Perfection is my motto. Percentage is my middle name. Walk alone and wait for no man. - Unknown

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener

If you think your teacher is tough, wait until you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure. - Bill Gates

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

My mother had this amazing attitude in the face of everything, including when she got cancer. - Bill Clinton

Good things come to people who wait, but better things come to those who go out and get them. - Unknown

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. - Anne Frank

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald

My husband is so good at home repairs that they have a special VIP area for him in the emergency room. - Unknown

Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. - Woody Allen

They have gun control in Cuba. They have universal health care in Cuba. So why do they want to come here? - Paul Harvey

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

I blinked and I cured my brain. That's how. Everybody has the power. Can't is the cancer of happen. - Charlie Sheen

My mother always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said, Just wait. - Judy Tenuta

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

My heart, which is so full to overflowing, has often been solaced and refreshed by music when sick and weary. - Martin Luther

Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease. - Alexander Pope

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

With some diseases, like type 2 diabetes, if people get alerted early, they can take steps to avert getting sick. - Elizabeth Holmes

Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. When health is lost, something is lost. When character is lost, all is lost. - Rev. Billy Graham

I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. - Ronald Reagan

Waiting around to be perfect never amounts to anything. Don't be a waiter or you'll be serving other people. - Ian Desabrais

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

Neither a wise man nor a brave man lies down on the tracks of history to wait for the train of the future to run over him. - Dwight D Eisenhower

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

Pride: 1. A disease that makes everyone sick but the one who has it; 2. Pride is what we have - vanity is what others have. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

You've heard of people calling in sick. You may have called in sick a few times yourself. But have you ever thought about calling in well? - Tom Robbins

When you get older, you know that life's mysteries are revealed in the fullness of time. All you have to do is wait, watch, and be amazed. - Linda Gray

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. - George Carlin

If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life. - Will Advise

I would not sit waiting for some value tomorrow, nor for something to happen. One could wait a lifetime ... I would make something happen. - Louis L'Amour

Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list. - Yakov Smirnoff

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek. - Barack Obama


Kiosk Hours

Borderline Stupidity

Inside Outside Thinking

Bacon Soda Sales

Kia vs Nokia

Waterwheel Rotisserie

Fluent Sarcasm

Stork Exhaust

Music Illusion

New Fuel Gauge

Treescape

Diamond Ring TP

Treadmill Workout

The Three Stooges In And Out Of Character

Mask Not Your Country

Sun Protection

Multi-Motor Motorcycle

Your In America

Mexican Repair Shop

You're CuTe

Don't Be A Stick In The Mud

Wake Up Alarm

Mr. Dressup II

Gangsta