Webster's First Dictionary

Woman, the most dangerous of playthings. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Tis brief, my lord... as woman's love. - William Shakespeare

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. - Paula Deen

Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. - Gloria Steinem

Once made equal to man, woman becomes his superior. - Socrates

Sticking with a marriage. That's true grit, man. - Jeff Bridges

A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke. - Rudyard Kipling

Women would not be prostitutes if it were not for men. - Baroness Vickers

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. - Billy Crystal

I like women, I don't understand them, but I like them. - Sean Connery

The secret to a happy marriage? Do what your wife tells you. - Denzel Washington

A man's home is his castle, and his wife is the janitor. - Lucille Kallen

My first day as a woman and I am already having hot flushes. - Robin Williams

Why do men like intelligent women? Because opposites attract. - Kathy Lette

Marriage is but for a little while. It is alimony that is forever. - Quentin Crisp

Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more. - James Stephens

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Most women are afraid of clowns, but somehow end up still dating one. - Unknown

I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip. - Groucho Marx

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry. - Oscar Wilde

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor

An ugly woman is a disease of the stomach; a handsome woman a disease of the head. - Italian Proverb

My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng

The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is. - Helen Rowland

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out. - Joey Adams

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. - Robert Frost

The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing. The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

First of all you’ve got to have talent. And then you've got to marry her like I did. - George Burns

During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. - Rodney Dangerfield

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. - John Wilmot

When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth". - Groucho Marx

The Irish Catholic side was married to the life of an actor and I found out acting could be a form of prayer. - Liam Neeson

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. - Sam Levenson

All of the women on 'The Apprentice' flirted with me - consciously or unconsciously. That's to be expected. - Donald Trump

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Patrick Murra

I love writing for women. The willingness to go from laughter to tears in a moment is the greatest palette you can paint with as a writer. - Michael P King

I have frequently been questioned, especially by women, of how I could reconcile family life with a scientific career. Well, it has not been easy. - Marie Curie

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx