Webster's First Dictionary

Woman was God's second mistake. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Knewlyweds: Second marriage for both - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

There are no ugly women, only lazy ones. - Helena Rubinstein

Always say no, and you will never by married. - French Proverb

No man should plant more garden than his wife can hoe. - Old Saying

Women like silent men. They think they're listening. - Marcel Achard

I love bringing roses to a woman when she least expects it. - Esai Morales

The secret to a happy marriage? Do what your wife tells you. - Denzel Washington

Irene Lorenzo, queen of the Women's Lubrication Movement. - Archie Bunker

My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects. - Les Dawson

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. - Groucho Marx

I've been married twice but I haven't had a marriage yet. - Jennifer Lopez

A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Most women are afraid of clowns, but somehow end up still dating one. - Unknown

Joy Of Motherhood: What a woman experiences when all the kids are in bed - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. - Groucho Marx

If you have a boat and a happy marriage, you don't need another thing. - Ed McMahon

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel

Bachelors: Married men may have better halves, but bachelors have better quarters - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

This woman was so cross-eyed. She can go to a tennis match and never move her head. - Phyllis Diller

When women are mad or depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. - Elayne Boosler

My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng

A man who moralizes is usually a hypocrite, and a woman who moralizes is usually plain. - Oscar Wilde

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days. - Robin Williams

My wife hasn't had a birthday in 4 years. She was born in the year of our Lord-only-knows. - Unknown

Without the will, marriage is a mockery; without the emotion, it is a drudgery. You need both. - Ravi Zacharias

One of the few articles of clothing that a man won't try to remove from a woman is an apron. - Marilyn Vos Savant

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day. - Jay Leno

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?" - Dumas

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one. - Unknown

Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force. - Ogden Nash

No woman is worth more than a fiver unless you're in love with her. Then she is worth all she costs you. - W Somerset Maugham

Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship. - Oscar Wilde

There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about. - Oscar Wilde

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. - Rodney Dangerfield

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in eight hours of TV a day. - Homer Simpson

Camping is not a date; it's an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home. - Yvonne Prinz

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh. - Conan O'Brien

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me. - Rodney Dangerfield

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx