Webster's First Dictionary

The woman that deliberates is lost. - Joseph Addison

The most dangerous food is wedding cake. - James Thurber

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

Women in London must have learned not to breathe. - Irene Trimble

Getting married is an incredible act of hopefulness. - Ashley Judd

I am a strong woman because a strong woman raised me. - Unknown

Man can not live on chocolate alone.... but women can. - Unknown

I like men who have a future and women who have a past. - Oscar Wilde

When the devil finds a lazy woman, he puts her to work. - Russian Proverb

Women like silent men, they think they're listening. - George Carlin

He has a woman's name and wears makeup. How original. - Alice Cooper

The proper basis for marriage is mutual misunderstanding. - Oscar Wilde

Hand Scanner: Singles bar prowler looking for wedding rings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. - Rodney Dangerfield

A man's home is his castle, and his wife is the janitor. - Lucille Kallen

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Rodney Dangerfield

A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears. - Woodrow Wyatt

Amazing women don't have hot flashes. We have power surges. - Unknown

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. - Unknown

Marriage requires a special talent like acting. Monogamy requires genius. - Warren Beatty

Between man and woman there is little difference, but vive la difference. - French Proverb

No woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating. - Oscar Wilde

Here's to strong women. May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them. - Unknown

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. - Rodney Dangerfield

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. - Margaret Thatcher

I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night... and reduce the crime rate. - Phyllis Diller

To my eye, women get sexier around 35. They know a thing or two, and knowledge is always alluring. - Pierce Brosnan

When I make a vow to God, then I would suggest to you that's even stronger than a handshake in Texas. - Rick Perry

The next woman who gets hold of me is gonna light up like a pinball machine and pay off in silver dollars. - Jack Nicholson

The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. - Ogden Nash

Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing. A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang Goethe

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. - Groucho Marx

There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about. - Oscar Wilde

The best reason for a knitter to marry is that you can't teach the cat to be impressed when you finish a lace scarf. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom. - Jerry Seinfeld

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine. - Milton Berle

From a shy, timid girl I had become a woman of resolute character, who could no longer be frightened by the struggle with troubles. - Anna Dostoevsky

I have frequently been questioned, especially by women, of how I could reconcile family life with a scientific career. Well, it has not been easy. - Marie Curie

This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, "Honey, do this," and "Honey, do that" around the house. - Jim Lemon