What Women Hear

For most of history, Anonymous was a woman. - Virginia Woolf

Birthquake: A woman's contractions during labor - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Certain women should be struck regularly, like gongs. - Noel Coward

A wit should be no more sincere than a woman constant. - William Congreve

Women like silent men, they think they're listening. - George Carlin

Put more trust in nobility of character than in an oath. - Solon

Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance. - Oscar Wilde

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. - Ambrose Bierce

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Wilhelm II

Sometimes I consider myself as a feminist, whatever that means. - Sarah Palin

It is much easier to take care of a sackful of fleas than a woman. - German Proverb

Nothing spoils a romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman. - Oscar Wilde

Unto ourselves our own life is necessary, unto others our character. - St. Augustine

How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them. - Groucho Marx

My greatest regret is not knowing at 30 what I knew about women at 60. - Arthur Miller

The best years of a woman's life - the ten years between 39 and 40. - Unknown

She knew what all smart women knew: Laughter made you live better and longer. - Gail Parent

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other. - Erma Bombeck

Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion. - Mark Twain

My vigour, vitality, and cheek repel me. I am the kind of woman I would run from. - Nancy Astor

An ugly woman is a disease of the stomach; a handsome woman a disease of the head. - Italian Proverb

This woman was so cross-eyed. She can go to a tennis match and never move her head. - Phyllis Diller

A woman will flirt with anybody in the world as long as other people are looking on. - Oscar Wilde

When women are mad or depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. - Elayne Boosler

No matter how much fame and fortune you achieve, don't get wrapped up in yourself. - Dal Richards

It is in the character of very few men to honor without envy a friend who has prospered. - Aeschylus

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days. - Robin Williams

Many a woman has a past, but I am told that she has at least a dozen, and that they all fit. - Oscar Wilde

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha

By the time a woman realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks she's wrong. - Unknown

The next woman who gets hold of me is gonna light up like a pinball machine and pay off in silver dollars. - Jack Nicholson

Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you get between the right man and the right woman. - Woody Allen

Romance is thinking about your significant other, when you are supposed to be thinking about something else. - Nicholas Sparks

The character of our praying will determine the character of our preaching. Light praying makes light preaching. - E.M. Bounds

She wore far too much rouge last night and not quite enough clothes. That is always a sign of despair in a woman. - Oscar Wilde

When anyone asks me about the Irish character, I say look at the trees. Maimed, stark and misshapen, but ferociously tenacious. - Unknown

Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots. - Hoosier Farmer

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman - it depends on how much happiness you can handle. - George Burns

Being with a woman all night never hurt no professional baseball player. It's staying up all night looking for a woman that does him in. - Casey Stengel

The 77 cents that women make for every dollar men earn makes a real difference to our families - families stretching to make every dollar count. - Barbara Mikulski