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Wife Consumption

Reducing the high cost of electricity

Wife Consumption thanks to Keith Blake

How to read your Electric Meter

Create your own high performance Energy Meter

QuotaBills
Take my wife - please! - Henny Youngman

Seek a wife in your own sphere. - Latin Proverb

The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. - Jimmy Durante

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. - Oscar Wilde

I give unto my wife my second best bed, with the furniture. - William Shakespeare

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. - Rodney Dangerfield

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. - Henny Youngman

Behind every successful man is a woman. Behind her is his wife. - Groucho Marx

A man's mother is his misfortune, but his wife is his fault. - Walter Begehot

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx

In my house I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker. - Woody Allen

I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip. - Groucho Marx

When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason. - Molly McGee

Current Events: 1. What an electrician worries about; 2. Electric shocks. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him. - Oscar Wilde

When a man retires his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. - Chi Chi Rodriguez

If you treat your wife like a thoroughbred, you'll never end up with a nag. - Zig Ziglar

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. - Red Skelton

Warm Water Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. - Jimmy Carter

My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out. - Joey Adams

Shady Character: A fellow who snoozes in a hammock under a tree while his wife mows the lawn - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. - Milton Berle

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day. - Jay Leno

Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. - Rodney Dangerfield

I was training to be an electrician. I suppose I got wired the wrong way round somewhere along the line. - Elvis Presley

Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they are on the same side. - Zig Ziglar

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

A wise man will never tell his wife to keep quiet. He will tell her she looks beautiful with her mouth closed. - Unknown

The perfect date for me would be staying at home, making a big picnic in bed, eating Wotsits and cookies while watching cable TV. - Kim Kardashian

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle

Fall: The season when your wife buys new winter clothes so she will have something to wear when she goes out shopping for spring outfits - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

She's so fat she's my two best friends. She wears stretch caftans. She's got more chins than the Chinese telephone directory. - Joan Rivers

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me. - Rodney Dangerfield

This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, "Honey, do this," and "Honey, do that" around the house. - Jim Lemon

This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us. - Unknown


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