Wife Of The Year

Seek a wife in your own sphere. - Latin Proverb

Beer: The method of turning grain into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Ideal Wife: Any woman who has an ideal husband - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Would a lion cheat on his wife? No, but a Tiger Would. - Unknown

Bladder: The human apparatus that pays the tax on beer - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My wife and I were happy for twenty years... then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin

My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments. - John Barrymore

A round wife and a full barn are the signs of good success. - Amish Saying

A man's home is his castle, and his wife is the janitor. - Lucille Kallen

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

The antiques my wife buys at auctions are keeping me baroque. - Peter De Vries

A husband's conjungal and a wife's convivial obligation - Archie Bunker

My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects. - Les Dawson

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Ogden Nash

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. - Sigmund Freud

I'm having trouble managing the mansion. What I need is a wife. - Ella Grasso

When your wife asks what's on TV, dust is not the right answer. - Unknown

My wife and I are getting remarried. Our divorce didn't work out. - Rodney Dangerfield

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. - E. Joseph Cossman

My wife likes the hockey smell because it's the smell of a warrior. - David Walton

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. - Red Skelton

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night. - Rodney Dangerfield

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante

It was partially my fault that we got divorced. I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. - Woody Allen

In Las Vegas, a man said to his wife, "Give me the money I told you not to give me." - Henny Youngman

Wise Husband: One who buys his wife such fine china she won't trust him to wash the dishes - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter. - WC Fields

If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you'll be married to a man who cheats on his wife. - Ann Landers

No man succeeds without a good woman behind him. Wife or mother, if it is both, he is twice blessed indeed. - Godfrey Winn

When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth". - Groucho Marx

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. - Groucho Marx

I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife. - Ilie Nastase

My wife simply quoted, 'For better or worse.' It was only then that I realized the phrase was not multiple-choice. - Michael Gurnow

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine. - Milton Berle

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop. - Winston Churchill

Fall: The season when your wife buys new winter clothes so she will have something to wear when she goes out shopping for spring outfits - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx