Wife Of The Year

Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee

Payday came and with it beer. - Rudyard Kipling

I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King

Who has a bad wife, his hell begins on earth. - Dutch Proverb

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. - Jimmy Durante

My wife and I were happy for twenty years... then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield

I give unto my wife my second best bed, with the furniture. - William Shakespeare

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. - Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Milton Berle

I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw

The antiques my wife buys at auctions are keeping me baroque. - Peter De Vries

My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects. - Les Dawson

A meal of bread, cheese, and beer constitutes the perfect food. - Queen Elizabeth I

A man's mother is his misfortune, but his wife is his fault. - Walter Begehot

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx

In my house I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker. - Woody Allen

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. - Sigmund Freud

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters

My wife and I are getting remarried. Our divorce didn't work out. - Rodney Dangerfield

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown

My wife tells me that if I ever decide to leave, she's coming with me. - Jon Bon Jovi

When a man retires his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. - Chi Chi Rodriguez

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases. - Milton Berle

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night. - Rodney Dangerfield

I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. - Jimmy Carter

My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng

I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife), but still my own. - Si Robertson

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. - Bill Cosby

Every time I try to make my marriage more exciting, my wife finds out about it right away. - Bob Monkhouse

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves. - Rodney Dangerfield

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams

A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter. - WC Fields

Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

Graduate School: The place where a young scholar goes off his Dad's payroll - and on to his wife's - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry

Being a dad isn't just about eating a huge bag of gummy bears as your wife gives birth. It means being comfortable with the word 'hero.' - Ryan Reynolds