Wife Of The Year

Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. - Jimmy Durante

No man should plant more garden than his wife can hoe. - Old Saying

The secret to a happy marriage? Do what your wife tells you. - Denzel Washington

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. - Rodney Dangerfield

A man's home is his castle, and his wife is the janitor. - Lucille Kallen

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Wilhelm II

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Rodney Dangerfield

I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw

A husband's conjungal and a wife's convivial obligation - Archie Bunker

A man's mother is his misfortune, but his wife is his fault. - Walter Begehot

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx

Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. - Sigmund Freud

I'm having trouble managing the mansion. What I need is a wife. - Ella Grasso

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. - E. Joseph Cossman

I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife. - Tony Curtis

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. - Unknown

If you treat your wife like a thoroughbred, you'll never end up with a nag. - Zig Ziglar

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. - Red Skelton

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. - Rodney Dangerfield

A son is a son till he takes him a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life. - Unknown

I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife), but still my own. - Si Robertson

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with 28 years ago. - Will Rogers

A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter. - WC Fields

Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. - Rodney Dangerfield

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. - Kin Hubbard

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother. - Ken Dodd

A little House well fill'd, a little Field well till'd, and a little Wife well will'd, are great Riches. - Benjamin Franklin

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. - Rodney Dangerfield

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine. - Milton Berle

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me. - Rodney Dangerfield

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown