Wife Of The Year

My wife gives good headache. - Rodney Dangerfield

Payday came and with it beer. - Rudyard Kipling

You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson

Who has a bad wife, his hell begins on earth. - Dutch Proverb

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. - Jimmy Durante

A man's home is his castle, and his wife is the janitor. - Lucille Kallen

What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Milton Berle

I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields

Behind every successful man is a woman.
Behind her is his wife. - Groucho Marx

Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

My wife and I are getting remarried. Our divorce didn't work out. - Rodney Dangerfield

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown

My wife and I thought we were in love, but it turned out to be benign. - Woody Allen

I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip. - Groucho Marx

My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud. - Henny Youngman

I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife. - Tony Curtis

My best friend ran away with my wife. And let me tell you, I really miss him. - Henny Youngman

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. - Red Skelton

A son is a son till he takes him a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life. - Unknown

My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea. - Henny Youngman

Every time I try to make my marriage more exciting, my wife finds out about it right away. - Bob Monkhouse

It was partially my fault that we got divorced. I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. - Woody Allen

In Las Vegas, a man said to his wife, "Give me the money I told you not to give me." - Henny Youngman

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

A wise man will never tell his wife to keep quiet. He will tell her she looks beautiful with her mouth closed. - Unknown

For twenty-four years I've been in love with the same woman. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me. - Henny Youngman

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. - Rodney Dangerfield

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine. - Milton Berle

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

One disadvantage of being a hog is that at any moment some blundering fool may try to make a silk purse out of your wife's ear. - J.B. Morton

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster

My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle