#1 humor site on the 'net

Carb Cutter

How carbs fit into a healthy diet

Carb Cutter thanks to Howard Chapman

Carb Cutter thanks to Howard Chapman

QuotaBills
Diets are mainly food for thought. - N Wylie Jones

Laugh a lot. It burns a lot of calories. - Jessica Simpson

A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands. - Unknown

My diet is like Atkins, but with the carbs. - BJ Penn

Food is an important part of a balanced diet. - Fran Lebowitz

Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it. - Unknown

Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you may diet. - Unknown

If stress burned calories, I'd be a supermodel. - Unknown

A balanced diet is a Cracker Jack cookie in each hand. - Joe-kster

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper

The cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good, spit it out. - Unknown

I don't diet, I just don't eat as much as I'd like to. - Linda Evangelista

Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert

In Heaven, chocolate has no calories and is served as the main course. - Unknown

A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart who looks at her watch. - James Beard

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. - Totie Fields

No disease that can be treated by diet should be treated by any other means. - Maimonides

Wouldn't exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? - Bill Murray

The majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn't finish. - Carrie Underwood

The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook. - Julia Child

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis

An old timer is one who remembers when we counted our blessings instead of our calories. - Unknown

Make pumpkin bread as the default gift for everyone. It is cheap, it is beloved, it is carbs. - Karen Bender

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks. - Joe E Lewis

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. - Jackie Gleason

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. - Mae West

I'm on a strict liquid diet: Mimosas for breakfast, Margaritas for lunch, Martinis for dinner. - Unknown

I love eating sushi and eating raw and clean - no pasta and bread. Low carbs is what works for me. - Christine Teigen

There's no point in wasting calories on cheap chocolate, always opt for the darkest and richest. - Nanci Rathbun

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

A dark-chocolate truffle melts in my mouth, and I forget about everything else... even the fact that I'm on a diet. - Barbara Brooke

The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned now to cook. - Andy Rooney

If you maintain a healthy diet, or at least are smart about your food choices, you'll still see the pounds come off. - Misty May-Treanor

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on. - Jean Kerr

When my generation was your age, we took crazy risks. The wildest thing was - prepare to be shocked - we deliberately ingested carbohydrates! - Dave Barry

New Pasta Diet: Just walk pasta bakery without stopping. Walk pasta candy store without stopping. Walk pasta ice cream shop without stopping. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com


Finger Phone

Family Bike

Airless See-Through Tires

Aussie Motorcycle

Statue Selfie

Bacon Sandwich

Elephant Hand

Unless Your Dog Can Do This

Dragon Buoy

Cat On A Hot Tin Roof

Bird Melons

Local Crabs

Black Golfer

Ostrich Imprint

Tea Party Weapon

Extra Space Bed

Unattended Children

ThrowYo

Cell Phone Warning

Umbrella Protection and Non-Protection

Husband Creche

Undertaker Bike

Road Sign Dictionary

Sandal Security