#1 humor site on the 'net

Carnations vs. Roses

Only the best flowers will do for SWMBO

Carnations vs. Roses thanks to Emery Pettigrove

How to find out if she prefers carnations or roses

QuotaBills
I like perfume and flowers. - Donatella Versace

A revolution is not a bed of roses. - Fidel Castro

Generosity is the flower of justice. - Nathaniel Hawthorne

Every flower must grow through dirt. - Unknown

A root is a flower that disdains fame. - Kahlil Gibran

Everything's coming up roses - for me. - Ethel Merman

Life is a flower of which love is the honey. - Victor Hugo

Every flower is a soul blossoming in nature. - Gerard De Nuewal

The desert shall rejoice, and blossom as the rose. - Isaiah 35:1

Hope is the only bee that makes honey without flowers. - Robert G Ingersoll

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. - Oscar Wilde

I'll tell you how the sun rose - a ribbon at a time. - Emily Dickinson

Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance. - Oscar Wilde

I love bringing roses to a woman when she least expects it. - Esai Morales

Tennis: a sport in which even an unseeded player can flower. - Unknown

I'd rather have roses on my table than diamonds on my neck. - Emma Goldman

True love is like little roses, sweet, fragrant in small doses. - Ana Claudia Antunes

God gave us our memories so that we might have roses in December. - James M Barrie

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I. - Oscar Levant

No one flower can every symbolize this nation. America is a bouquet. - William Safire

I don't really get romance. Bring me fish or moose, not flowers. - Eden Robinson

Won't you come into the garden? I would like my roses to see you. - Richard B. Sheridan

When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason. - Molly McGee

And 'tis my faith, that every flower
Enjoys the air it breathes. - William Wordsworth

Autumn is mellower, and what we lost in flowers, we more than gain in fruits. - Samuel Butler

I love romance. I'm a sucker for it. I love it so much. It's pathetic. - Drew Barrymore

Just living is not enough. One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower. - Hans Christian Andersen

The only amaranthine flower on earth is virtue; the only lasting treasure, truth. - William Cowper

Some people grumble that roses have thorns; I am grateful that thorns have roses. - Alphonse Karr

Roses are red, Pizza sauce is too, I ordered a large, and None of it is for you. - Unknown

It will never rain roses. When we want to have more roses, we must plant more roses. - George Eliot

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle

After you cut off a person's nose there is no point in giving him a rose to smell. - Ravi Zacharias

In the hopes of reaching the moon men fail to see the flowers that blossom at their feet. - Albert Schweitzer

Stretching his hand up to reach the stars, too often man forgets the flowers at his feet. - Jeremy Bentham

If I had a flower for every time I thought of you... I could walk through my garden forever. - Alfred Tennyson

We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses. - Abraham Lincoln

The rose is fairest when 't is budding new, and hope is brightest when it dawns from fears. - Walter Scott

If Springtime crawls out of the wild mouths of flowers, then surely, Winter crawls out of mine. - Cecilia Llompart

Plant your garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. - Jose L Borges

As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. - Ben Hogan

I have gathered a posie of other men's flowers, and nothing but the thread that binds them is my own. - Michel de Montaigne

Whatever I am offered in devotion with a pure heart - a leaf, a flower, fruit, or water - I accept with joy. - Bhagavad Gita

The vivacity of children is always charming, because it is always sincere. A grave child is a rose without fragrance. - Unknown

An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it is also more nourishing. - H L Mencken

The main business of a lawyer is to take the romance, the mystery, the irony, the ambiguity out of everything he touches. - Antonin Scalia

It is always good to know, if only in passing, charming human beings. It refreshes one like flowers and woods and clear brooks. - George Eliot

If I were a flower,
humming bird would be my favourite bee
And If I were blind,
the light of darkness I'd love to see - Munia Khan

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx

Love is like the wild-rose briar, friendship like the holly-tree. The holly is dark when the rose-briar blooms, but which will bloom most constantly? - Emily Bronte


Pittsburghese

Whose Problem

Grasping Shirt

An Evening Prayer

Baby Clone

Piano Ring

Religious Nuts

Funnel Farm

Urinal Challenge

Snow Detour

Redneck GPS

Snow Receiver

Book Perspective

Why Stand In Line?

How Twins Are Made

Ups and Downs

Irish Flu Shots

Snake Circle

Romantic Accident

Winter Mirror

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Abbey Road Joe-kster and Bernie

Straws

Chernobyl Fish