Colon Celery

One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

An operation of the most extreme daring. - Alfred Jodl

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

Panic plays no part in the training of a nurse. - Elizabeth Kenny

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields

The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. - French Proverb

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman

Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills. - Groucho Marx

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

Confucius say: "Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient." - Unknown

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

You might be a nurse if you firmly believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis. - Unknown

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

The last thing I ever wanted was to be alive when the three most powerful people on the whole planet would be named Bush, Dick and Colon. - Kurt Vonnegut

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home. - Dennis Miller