Colon Celery

I need Vitamin SEA. - Unknown

Quack: A duck's Doctor - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb

An operation of the most extreme daring. - Alfred Jodl

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

Panic plays no part in the training of a nurse. - Elizabeth Kenny

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito

Whether a person is a male or female, a nurse is a nurse. - Gary Veale

A nurse will always give us hope, an angel with a stethoscope. - Terri Guillemets

Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled. - Red Skelton

Confucius say: "Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient." - Unknown

You couldn't tell if she was dressed for an opera or an operation. - Irvin S Cobb

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield

The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann

I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker

I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

When you’re a nurse you know that every day you will touch a life or a life will touch yours. - Unknown

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

Consuming mushrooms regularly has been associated with decreased risk of breast, stomach and colorectal cancers. - Joel Fuhrman

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home. - Dennis Miller

Fiber: Edible wood-pulp said to aid digestion and prolong life, so that we might enjoy another six or eight years in which to consume wood-pulp - Daffynitions joe-ks.com