#1 humor site on the 'net

Da Queen

The Royal House of Clinton responds to tiresome questions

Da Queen thanks to Jim Serritella

As you know, my dear people, for the last year the Royal House of Clinton has been tormented by questions about our handling of finances and subjected to tiresome questions about the tragic events in Benghazi - in the furthest regions of our empire. And, sadly, also questions about my Royal e-mails.

Nevertheless, I will not be daunted in my desire and commitment to serve you, the people. For the next eight months I will be traveling among you as one of you, to listen to your deepest longings and needs. I will be with you in your Wal-Marts, and beside you in your Burger Kings. I will drive with you down the busy interstate highways of our land, sharing your poverty and needs.

How well I remember the days when the Duke of Arkansas and I were impoverished. After we were expelled from our Washington Palace we hardly had two mansions to rub together. We were so poor that we removed thousands of dollars of china, flatware, carpets and gifts from the Washington Palace just to survive. Shockingly, unscrupulous and ungrateful officials later forced us to return many of these treasures. Now, happily, benefactors from around our empire have given me just enough for us to scrape by.

During these difficult times, we had to cut back. When our daughter was married, we only had three million dollars to spend on her wedding. And, I remember our hopes, as she moved into her $10 million Manhattan apartment, that one day she would be able to move on from that humble abode to something more fitting. After working for MSNBC for a starting salary of a mere $600,000 per year, what else could she do? So I now pay her $3,000,000 a year to run the ‘Foundation’.

So, as I travel across our kingdom to meet you all, I will be listening and sharing with you. Then, when the time for the Royal Election & Coronation comes, I know I can count on you to crown me as your rightful monarch, with my assurance that I will continue King Obama’s policies, and we can all live happily ever after in La-La land.

Your Queen-in-Waiting,
Hilarity Rodham Clinton

QuotaBills
I am not a politician, but a soldier. - Idi Amin

Crime does not pay as well as politics. - Alfred E. Newman

Be thine own palace, or the world's thy jail. - John Donne

Politics is not a game. It is an earnest business. - Winston Churchill

Turn on to politics, or politics will turn on you. - Ralph Nader

The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun. - R Buckminster Fuller

If men were angels, no government would be necessary. - James Madison

Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory. - John Kenneth Galbraith

Government always finds a need for whatever money it gets. - Ronald Reagan

Poetry is about the grief. Politics is about the grievance. - Robert Frost

A society of sheep must in time beget a government of wolves. - Bertrand de Jouvenel

A government is the only known vessel that leaks from the top. - James Reston

Politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. - Charles de Gaulle

History is a tool used by politicians to justify their intentions. - Ted Koppei

I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent. - Edith Sitwell

Bad politicians are sent to Washington by good people who don't vote. - William E. Simon

A goose flies by a chart the Royal Geographical Society could not improve. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Idealism is the despot of thought, just as politics is the despot of will. - Mikhail Bakunin

If politicians and scientists were lazier, how much happier we should all be. - Evelyn Waugh

Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation. - Henry Kissinger

The police force cannot be completely independent of the executive government. - P Chidambaram

A filmmaker we almost lost to politics... my friend and colleague, Warren Beatty. - Jack Nicholson

There are no crooked politicians in America. They've legalized their thievery. - Frank Dane

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. - George Bernard Shaw

Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business. - Tom Robbins

The indignation of politicians is NOT a good measure of the gravity of any situation. - Paul Harvey

Everyone wants to eat at the government's table, but nobody wants to do the dishes. - Werner Finck

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. - Margaret Thatcher

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and your government when it deserves it. - Mark Twain

Officialese: A government language where you can understand the words, but not the sentences - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

People want change but not too much change. Finding that balance is tricky for every politician. - Eleanor Clift

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. - John Quinton

One of the reasons people hate politics is that truth is rarely a politician's objective. Election and power are. - Cal Thomas

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy. - Groucho Marx

It is not in the nature of politics that the best men should be elected. The best men do not want to govern their fellowmen. - George MacDonald

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. - Ronald Reagan

Judge: 1. A law student who marks his own examination papers; 2. A lawyer who once knew a politician; 3. A man in a trying position. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Our future cannot depend on the government alone. The ultimate solutions lie in the attitudes and the actions of the American people. - Joe Biden

Politicians also have no leisure, because they are always aiming at something beyond political life itself, power and glory, or happiness. - Aristotle


Swingers

Patience and Wisdom

Hippo Race

Tank Top Security

Bus Office

I Lost My Job With Lifeline

Wet Rain

Boo Pumpkin

Downspout

Sausage Cat

Plastic Bottle Beach Art

Dog Shoes

Casket Car

Cafe Cappuccino

Redneck Car Swing

Need A Lifeguard?

Newfie Parkin' Only

What Are Friends For?

Piano Mover

Pumpkin Helmet

TP For Those With Money To Throw Away

Redneck Mailbox

Dog O'Lanterns

Canvas Rest Break