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Da Queen
The Royal House of Clinton responds to tiresome questions
As you know, my dear people, for the last year the Royal House of Clinton has been tormented by questions about our handling of finances and subjected to tiresome questions about the tragic events in Benghazi - in the furthest regions of our empire. And, sadly, also questions about my Royal e-mails.
Nevertheless, I will not be daunted in my desire and commitment to serve you, the people. For the next eight months I will be traveling among you as one of you, to listen to your deepest longings and needs. I will be with you in your Wal-Marts, and beside you in your Burger Kings. I will drive with you down the busy interstate highways of our land, sharing your poverty and needs.
How well I remember the days when the Duke of Arkansas and I were impoverished. After we were expelled from our Washington Palace we hardly had two mansions to rub together. We were so poor that we removed thousands of dollars of china, flatware, carpets and gifts from the Washington Palace just to survive. Shockingly, unscrupulous and ungrateful officials later forced us to return many of these treasures. Now, happily, benefactors from around our empire have given me just enough for us to scrape by.
During these difficult times, we had to cut back. When our daughter was married, we only had three million dollars to spend on her wedding. And, I remember our hopes, as she moved into her $10 million Manhattan apartment, that one day she would be able to move on from that humble abode to something more fitting. After working for MSNBC for a starting salary of a mere $600,000 per year, what else could she do? So I now pay her $3,000,000 a year to run the ‘Foundation’.
So, as I travel across our kingdom to meet you all, I will be listening and sharing with you. Then, when the time for the Royal Election & Coronation comes, I know I can count on you to crown me as your rightful monarch, with my assurance that I will continue King Obama’s policies, and we can all live happily ever after in La-La land.
Your Queen-in-Waiting,
Hilarity Rodham Clinton
Nevertheless, I will not be daunted in my desire and commitment to serve you, the people. For the next eight months I will be traveling among you as one of you, to listen to your deepest longings and needs. I will be with you in your Wal-Marts, and beside you in your Burger Kings. I will drive with you down the busy interstate highways of our land, sharing your poverty and needs.
How well I remember the days when the Duke of Arkansas and I were impoverished. After we were expelled from our Washington Palace we hardly had two mansions to rub together. We were so poor that we removed thousands of dollars of china, flatware, carpets and gifts from the Washington Palace just to survive. Shockingly, unscrupulous and ungrateful officials later forced us to return many of these treasures. Now, happily, benefactors from around our empire have given me just enough for us to scrape by.
During these difficult times, we had to cut back. When our daughter was married, we only had three million dollars to spend on her wedding. And, I remember our hopes, as she moved into her $10 million Manhattan apartment, that one day she would be able to move on from that humble abode to something more fitting. After working for MSNBC for a starting salary of a mere $600,000 per year, what else could she do? So I now pay her $3,000,000 a year to run the ‘Foundation’.
So, as I travel across our kingdom to meet you all, I will be listening and sharing with you. Then, when the time for the Royal Election & Coronation comes, I know I can count on you to crown me as your rightful monarch, with my assurance that I will continue King Obama’s policies, and we can all live happily ever after in La-La land.
Your Queen-in-Waiting,
Hilarity Rodham Clinton
Politics makes strange postmasters. - Kin Hubbard
Under every stone lurks a politician. - Aristophanes
All government, of course, is against liberty. - H L Mencken
A government of law is a government of lawyers. - Saying
I never saw anything funnier than Texas politics. - Molly Ivins
The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom. - William Blake
Be thine own palace, or the world's thy jail. - John Donne
The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun. - R Buckminster Fuller
Government is an endless pursuit of new ways to tax. - Unknown
I'm not a politician. I've only got one face. - Brendan Behan
Politicians can't manage. All they can do is talk. - Donald Trump
Poetry is about the grief. Politics is about the grievance. - Robert Frost
We live in a world in which politics has replaced philosophy. - Martin L. Gross
A society of sheep must in time beget a government of wolves. - Bertrand de Jouvenel
Democracy becomes a government of bullies tempered by editors. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. - Charles de Gaulle
The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I'd be honest. - Rodney Dangerfield
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small. - Henry Kissinger
Government of the people, by the people, and for the pursuit of happiness. - Archie Bunker
The short memories of American voters is what keeps our politicians in office. - Will Rogers
The police force cannot be completely independent of the executive government. - P Chidambaram
American Politics: A form of socialism for the rich, including the politicians. - Gregory Nunn
A good politician, under democracy, is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar. - H L Mencken
Hillary Clinton is not going to be able to create jobs, I will tell you right now. - Donald Trump
The election is not very far off when a candidate can recognize you across the street. - Kin Hubbard
My brother Bob doesn't want to be in government - he promised Dad he'd go straight. - John F Kennedy
Politics is for people who have a passion for changing life but lack a passion for living it. - Tom Robbins
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. - Nikita Khrushchev
People want change but not too much change. Finding that balance is tricky for every politician. - Eleanor Clift
Politics, for years, or all too long, has been concerned with right or left instead of right or wrong. - Richard Armour
What politicians want to create is irreversible change because when you leave office someone changes it back again. - Estelle Morris
Frankly, I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private industry. - Joseph Heller
If the government was as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy. - Kin Hubbard
The punishment which the wise suffer who refuse to take part in the government, is to live under the government of worse men. - Plato
The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan
An election is coming. Universal peace is declared, and the foxes have a sincere interest in prolonging the lives of the poultry. - George Eliot
Politicians also have no leisure, because they are always aiming at something beyond political life itself, power and glory, or happiness. - Aristotle
The politicians in Washington are spending trillions of dollars of our money. When are Americans going to stand up and say enough is enough? - Joe Wurzelbacher
NEED now means wanting someone else's money. GREED means wanting to keep your own. COMPASSION is when a politician arranges the transfer. - Joseph Sobran
In politics, as in womanizing, failure is decisive. It sheds its retrospective gloom on earlier endeavor which at the time seemed full of promise. - Malcolm Muggeridge
Under every stone lurks a politician. - Aristophanes
All government, of course, is against liberty. - H L Mencken
A government of law is a government of lawyers. - Saying
I never saw anything funnier than Texas politics. - Molly Ivins
The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom. - William Blake
Be thine own palace, or the world's thy jail. - John Donne
The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun. - R Buckminster Fuller
Government is an endless pursuit of new ways to tax. - Unknown
I'm not a politician. I've only got one face. - Brendan Behan
Politicians can't manage. All they can do is talk. - Donald Trump
Poetry is about the grief. Politics is about the grievance. - Robert Frost
We live in a world in which politics has replaced philosophy. - Martin L. Gross
A society of sheep must in time beget a government of wolves. - Bertrand de Jouvenel
Democracy becomes a government of bullies tempered by editors. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. - Charles de Gaulle
The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I'd be honest. - Rodney Dangerfield
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small. - Henry Kissinger
Government of the people, by the people, and for the pursuit of happiness. - Archie Bunker
The short memories of American voters is what keeps our politicians in office. - Will Rogers
The police force cannot be completely independent of the executive government. - P Chidambaram
American Politics: A form of socialism for the rich, including the politicians. - Gregory Nunn
A good politician, under democracy, is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar. - H L Mencken
Hillary Clinton is not going to be able to create jobs, I will tell you right now. - Donald Trump
The election is not very far off when a candidate can recognize you across the street. - Kin Hubbard
My brother Bob doesn't want to be in government - he promised Dad he'd go straight. - John F Kennedy
Politics is for people who have a passion for changing life but lack a passion for living it. - Tom Robbins
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. - Nikita Khrushchev
People want change but not too much change. Finding that balance is tricky for every politician. - Eleanor Clift
Politics, for years, or all too long, has been concerned with right or left instead of right or wrong. - Richard Armour
What politicians want to create is irreversible change because when you leave office someone changes it back again. - Estelle Morris
Frankly, I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private industry. - Joseph Heller
If the government was as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy. - Kin Hubbard
The punishment which the wise suffer who refuse to take part in the government, is to live under the government of worse men. - Plato
The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan
An election is coming. Universal peace is declared, and the foxes have a sincere interest in prolonging the lives of the poultry. - George Eliot
Politicians also have no leisure, because they are always aiming at something beyond political life itself, power and glory, or happiness. - Aristotle
The politicians in Washington are spending trillions of dollars of our money. When are Americans going to stand up and say enough is enough? - Joe Wurzelbacher
NEED now means wanting someone else's money. GREED means wanting to keep your own. COMPASSION is when a politician arranges the transfer. - Joseph Sobran
In politics, as in womanizing, failure is decisive. It sheds its retrospective gloom on earlier endeavor which at the time seemed full of promise. - Malcolm Muggeridge
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