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Da Queen
The Royal House of Clinton responds to tiresome questions
As you know, my dear people, for the last year the Royal House of Clinton has been tormented by questions about our handling of finances and subjected to tiresome questions about the tragic events in Benghazi - in the furthest regions of our empire. And, sadly, also questions about my Royal e-mails.
Nevertheless, I will not be daunted in my desire and commitment to serve you, the people. For the next eight months I will be traveling among you as one of you, to listen to your deepest longings and needs. I will be with you in your Wal-Marts, and beside you in your Burger Kings. I will drive with you down the busy interstate highways of our land, sharing your poverty and needs.
How well I remember the days when the Duke of Arkansas and I were impoverished. After we were expelled from our Washington Palace we hardly had two mansions to rub together. We were so poor that we removed thousands of dollars of china, flatware, carpets and gifts from the Washington Palace just to survive. Shockingly, unscrupulous and ungrateful officials later forced us to return many of these treasures. Now, happily, benefactors from around our empire have given me just enough for us to scrape by.
During these difficult times, we had to cut back. When our daughter was married, we only had three million dollars to spend on her wedding. And, I remember our hopes, as she moved into her $10 million Manhattan apartment, that one day she would be able to move on from that humble abode to something more fitting. After working for MSNBC for a starting salary of a mere $600,000 per year, what else could she do? So I now pay her $3,000,000 a year to run the ‘Foundation’.
So, as I travel across our kingdom to meet you all, I will be listening and sharing with you. Then, when the time for the Royal Election & Coronation comes, I know I can count on you to crown me as your rightful monarch, with my assurance that I will continue King Obama’s policies, and we can all live happily ever after in La-La land.
Your Queen-in-Waiting,
Hilarity Rodham Clinton
Nevertheless, I will not be daunted in my desire and commitment to serve you, the people. For the next eight months I will be traveling among you as one of you, to listen to your deepest longings and needs. I will be with you in your Wal-Marts, and beside you in your Burger Kings. I will drive with you down the busy interstate highways of our land, sharing your poverty and needs.
How well I remember the days when the Duke of Arkansas and I were impoverished. After we were expelled from our Washington Palace we hardly had two mansions to rub together. We were so poor that we removed thousands of dollars of china, flatware, carpets and gifts from the Washington Palace just to survive. Shockingly, unscrupulous and ungrateful officials later forced us to return many of these treasures. Now, happily, benefactors from around our empire have given me just enough for us to scrape by.
During these difficult times, we had to cut back. When our daughter was married, we only had three million dollars to spend on her wedding. And, I remember our hopes, as she moved into her $10 million Manhattan apartment, that one day she would be able to move on from that humble abode to something more fitting. After working for MSNBC for a starting salary of a mere $600,000 per year, what else could she do? So I now pay her $3,000,000 a year to run the ‘Foundation’.
So, as I travel across our kingdom to meet you all, I will be listening and sharing with you. Then, when the time for the Royal Election & Coronation comes, I know I can count on you to crown me as your rightful monarch, with my assurance that I will continue King Obama’s policies, and we can all live happily ever after in La-La land.
Your Queen-in-Waiting,
Hilarity Rodham Clinton
Lawyers are natural politicians. - Clarence Darrow
Good government is good politics. - Richard J. Daley
Under every stone lurks a politician. - Aristophanes
A politician... one that would circumvent God. - William Shakespeare
Turn on to politics, or politics will turn on you. - Ralph Nader
Politicians can't manage. All they can do is talk. - Donald Trump
In politics, a lie unanswered becomes truth within 24 hours. - Willie Brown
Politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. - Charles de Gaulle
War has rules, mud wrestling has rules - politics has no rules. - Ross Perot
I believe that truth is the glue that holds government together. - Gerald R. Ford
History is a tool used by politicians to justify their intentions. - Ted Koppei
Bad politicians are sent to Washington by good people who don't vote. - William E. Simon
Government of the people, by the people, and for the pursuit of happiness. - Archie Bunker
Politics is the art of choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable. - John Kenneth Galbraith
To lodge all power in one party and keep it there is to insure bad government. - Mark Twain
The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop. - P.J. O'Rourke
The short memories of American voters is what keeps our politicians in office. - Will Rogers
A filmmaker we almost lost to politics... my friend and colleague, Warren Beatty. - Jack Nicholson
A good politician, under democracy, is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar. - H L Mencken
There are no crooked politicians in America. They've legalized their thievery. - Frank Dane
The indignation of politicians is NOT a good measure of the gravity of any situation. - Paul Harvey
Ideas are great arrows, but there has to be a bow. And politics is the bow of idealism. - Bill Moyers
Everyone wants to eat at the government's table, but nobody wants to do the dishes. - Werner Finck
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. - Margaret Thatcher
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. - Woody Allen
Officialese: A government language where you can understand the words, but not the sentences - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Politics is for people who have a passion for changing life but lack a passion for living it. - Tom Robbins
What is the first part of politics? Education. The second? Education. And the third? Education. - Jules Michelet
Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown
Animals are like little children a bit. They're simple. They don't have politics driving them. - Annabelle Sabloff
Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. - John Quinton
I don't look for much to come out of government ownership as long as we have Democrats and Republicans. - Kin Hubbard
Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you. - Pericles (430 B.C.)
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason. - Jose Maria de Eca de Queiroz
At present, our country needs women's idealism and determination, perhaps more in politics than anywhere else. - Shirley Chisholm
I have certain rules I live by. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. Nothing. Zero. - George Carlin
The business of government is to keep the government out of business - that is, unless business needs government aid. - Will Rogers
Our future cannot depend on the government alone. The ultimate solutions lie in the attitudes and the actions of the American people. - Joe Biden
The politicians in Washington are spending trillions of dollars of our money. When are Americans going to stand up and say enough is enough? - Joe Wurzelbacher
The best way to lose weight is to close your mouth - something very difficult for a politician. Or watch your food - just watch it, don't eat it. - Edward I Kock
Good government is good politics. - Richard J. Daley
Under every stone lurks a politician. - Aristophanes
A politician... one that would circumvent God. - William Shakespeare
Turn on to politics, or politics will turn on you. - Ralph Nader
Politicians can't manage. All they can do is talk. - Donald Trump
In politics, a lie unanswered becomes truth within 24 hours. - Willie Brown
Politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. - Charles de Gaulle
War has rules, mud wrestling has rules - politics has no rules. - Ross Perot
I believe that truth is the glue that holds government together. - Gerald R. Ford
History is a tool used by politicians to justify their intentions. - Ted Koppei
Bad politicians are sent to Washington by good people who don't vote. - William E. Simon
Government of the people, by the people, and for the pursuit of happiness. - Archie Bunker
Politics is the art of choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable. - John Kenneth Galbraith
To lodge all power in one party and keep it there is to insure bad government. - Mark Twain
The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop. - P.J. O'Rourke
The short memories of American voters is what keeps our politicians in office. - Will Rogers
A filmmaker we almost lost to politics... my friend and colleague, Warren Beatty. - Jack Nicholson
A good politician, under democracy, is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar. - H L Mencken
There are no crooked politicians in America. They've legalized their thievery. - Frank Dane
The indignation of politicians is NOT a good measure of the gravity of any situation. - Paul Harvey
Ideas are great arrows, but there has to be a bow. And politics is the bow of idealism. - Bill Moyers
Everyone wants to eat at the government's table, but nobody wants to do the dishes. - Werner Finck
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. - Margaret Thatcher
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. - Woody Allen
Officialese: A government language where you can understand the words, but not the sentences - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Politics is for people who have a passion for changing life but lack a passion for living it. - Tom Robbins
What is the first part of politics? Education. The second? Education. And the third? Education. - Jules Michelet
Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown
Animals are like little children a bit. They're simple. They don't have politics driving them. - Annabelle Sabloff
Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. - John Quinton
I don't look for much to come out of government ownership as long as we have Democrats and Republicans. - Kin Hubbard
Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you. - Pericles (430 B.C.)
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason. - Jose Maria de Eca de Queiroz
At present, our country needs women's idealism and determination, perhaps more in politics than anywhere else. - Shirley Chisholm
I have certain rules I live by. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. Nothing. Zero. - George Carlin
The business of government is to keep the government out of business - that is, unless business needs government aid. - Will Rogers
Our future cannot depend on the government alone. The ultimate solutions lie in the attitudes and the actions of the American people. - Joe Biden
The politicians in Washington are spending trillions of dollars of our money. When are Americans going to stand up and say enough is enough? - Joe Wurzelbacher
The best way to lose weight is to close your mouth - something very difficult for a politician. Or watch your food - just watch it, don't eat it. - Edward I Kock
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