#1 humor site on the 'net

Fedex Home Delivery

When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight

Fedex Home Delivery thanks to Lucinda Weckstrom

QuotaBills
Chewie, we're home. - Star Wars: The Force Awakens

There's no place like home. - The Wizard of Oz

Home is wherever I'm with you. - Edward Sharpe

Nature is not a place to visit. It is home. - Gary Snyder

Wherever you are is my home - my only home. - Charlotte Bronte

A dreaded disease is infilteratin' our home - Archie Bunker

Heaven is home. Utopia is here. Nirvana is now. - Edward Abbey

We can dance on pinheads till the cows come home. - Alastair Campbell

I had to sink my yacht to make the guests go home. - F Scott Fitzgerald

Art is the only way to run away without leaving home. - Twyla Tharp

Home is not where you live but where they understand you. - Christian Morgenstern

While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home. - Unknown

God is at home, it's we who have gone out for a walk. - Meister Eckhart

A man's home is his castle, and his wife is the janitor. - Lucille Kallen

A consultant is an ordinary man away from home giving advice. - Oscar Wilde

Fine art and pizza delivery: what we do falls neatly in between. - David Letterman

I suppose I could have stayed home and baked cookies and had teas. - Hillary Clinton

Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in. - Robert Frost

The summer movies are coming out! My advice: just stay home and burn a good book. - Stephen Colbert

The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights. - Will Rogers

I'll bring ya a bottle of champagne. Maybe I'll even bring home a whole maggot. - Archie Bunker

This stammer got me a home in Beverly Hills, and I'm not about to screw with it now. - Bob Newhart

Home life as we understand it is no more natural to us than a cage is natural to a cockatoo. - George Bernard Shaw

If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman

Look for opportunity. You can't wait for it to knock on the door ... You might not be home. - Jinger Heath

I'm making wine at home, but I'm making it out of raisins so it will be aged automatically. - Steven Wright

The ache for home lives in all of us. The safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned. - Maya Angelou

What's a good investment? Go home from work early and spend the afternoon throwing a ball around with your son. - Ben Stein

We can't win at home, we can't win away. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play. - Jock Brown

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. - Rodney Dangerfield

I could dance with you till the cows come home...
on second thought, I'll dance with the cows till you come home. - Groucho Marx

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you. - Ogden Nash

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

Returning home is the most difficult part of long-distance hiking. You have grown outside the puzzle and your piece no longer fits. - Cindy Ross

The worst thing about work in the house or home is that whatever you do it is destroyed, laid waste or eaten within twenty-four hours. - Lady Hasluck

An expert is somebody who is more than fifty miles from home, has no responsibility for implementing the advice he gives, and shows slides. - Edwin Meese

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My dreams were showing up on TV's all over the world. - Steven Wright

Perhaps someday I'll crawl back home, beaten, defeated. But not as long as I can make stories out of my heartbreak, beauty out of sorrow. - Sylvia Plath

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home. - Dennis Miller

Charity is a very personal equation, like we say charity begins at home. It starts with your immediate help in the house: the people who work for you. - Malaika A. Khan


Victorian Bathing Machine

Stork Exhaust

Slap Me Into Next Year

Is This Really Happening?!

Ostrich Bush

Frozen Fish Meal

Bacon Wrapped Onion Rings

T-Rex Shadow

Camel Parking

Cheat of the Year

Born To Be Wild

Why I Wear 2 Masks

Welfare State

Redneck Wedding Cake

Blonde Gears

Party Direction Sign

House 'Broke'rage

'Piece of Cake' Resignation Letter

Bee Safe

Catfish Noodling

I'm A Believer

Sewing Sculpture

Greatest Italian Riders

Batman Recession