Friar Thumper

There is no substitute for the Bible. - Henry Halley

Religion is the opiate of the masses. - Karl Marx

That Meathead calls me a religious phonetic. - Archie Bunker

Superstition is the religion of feeble minds. - Edmund Burke

God did not intend religion to be an exercise club. - Naguib Mahfouz

I once dieted so religiously I quit eating in Church. - Zig Ziglar

Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich. - Napoleon Bonaparte

The Bible tells us to forgive our enemies, not our friends. - Margot Asquith

When it is a matter of money, all men are of the same religion. - Voltaire

I once heard a preacher who sorely tempted me to go to church no more. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

My religious background is that my mother is a Christian Dior Scientist. - Robin Williams

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy. - Frank Sinatra

Religion is the essence of culture, and culture is the dress of religion. - Paul Tillich

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

A pretty good test of a man's religion is how it affects his pocketbook. - Francis James Grimke

Italy is the home of art and swindling; home of religion and moral rottenness. - Mark Twain

The Bible does not give us a road map for life, but it does give us a compass. - Gordon S. Jackson

My favourite characters in the Bible are King David, Delilah and Charlton Heston. - Milton Berle

A religion that gives nothing, costs nothing, and suffers nothing, is worth nothing. - Martin Luther

I'm a Catholic deer hunter. I am happy to be clinging to my guns and my religion. - Paul Ryan

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

The less Holy Spirit we have, the more cake and coffee we need to keep the church going. - Reinhard Bonnke

I don't see anywhere in the Bible where it says you shouldn't get breast implants. - Carrie Prejean

Later, he told his nephew that religion required careful thought, not reflexive acceptance. - Thomas Jefferson

Sex is the mysticism of materialism and the only possible religion in a materialistic society. - Malcolm Muggeridge

I am the indoctrinated child of two lapsed Irish Catholics. Which is to say: I am not religious. - Meghan O'Rourke

Let us build a church so great that those who come after us may thing us mad to have attempted it. - Unknown

If I were ever prosecuted for my religion, I truly hope there would be enough evidence to convict me. - John Wooden

Most people have some sort of religion, at least they know which church they're staying away from. - John Erskine

He made us all one true religion, Edith, which he named after his son, Christian - or Christ, for short. - Archie Bunker

Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong, even though they say it's okay in the Bible. - Homer Simpson

If you want a religion to make you feel really comfortable, I certainly don't recommend Christianity. - C S Lewis

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

The whole religious complexion of the modern world is due to the absence from Jerusalem of a lunatic asylum. - Havelock Ellis

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are the same people. - G K Chesterton

The Bible's full of wine. God ain't got nothing against a little drink to celebrate His Son's birthday with. - Archie Bunker

You must mind and not lower the Church in people's eyes by seeming to be frightened about it for such a little thing. - George Eliot

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in Church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs. - Fred Allen

Every sort of energy and endurance, of courage and capacity for handling life's evils, is set free in those who have religious faith. - William James

I you can make any leading religion of the world look like complete nonsense, you can be sure of only one thing: you haven't understood it. - Wilfred Cantwell Smith