#1 humor site on the 'net

I Love Dad

Car-ving her appreciation on the family car

I Love Dad thanks to Renate Jaster

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” - I Corinthians 13:13

QuotaBills
Khaki: A thing for starting a car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson

I love shark week, all kids swim for free. - Josh Stern

Didn't he take the exercise tax off cars? - Archie Bunker

Germs: The only things kids will share freely - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A girl with cotton stockings never sees a mouse. - American Proverb

Goat Herder: A person who likes to work with kids - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

An optimist is a girl who mistakes a bulge for a curve. - Ring Lardner

I'm the girl who lost her reputation and never missed it. - Mae West

You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck

We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up. - Christopher Morley

Dubm Waiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

We all thought we'd have flying cars by now, but we don't. - Dana Brunetti

A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. - Red Buttons

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. - Hedy Lamarr

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. - Carl Sagan

A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen. - Kin Hubbard

A girl who thinks that a man will treat her better after marriage than before is a fool. - William C. Hall

A gun is not a weapon, it’s a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator. - Homer Simpson

On behalf of every man looking out for every girl, you are the God and weight of her world. - John Mayer

A little girl is sugar and spice and everything nice - especially when she's taking a nap. - Unknown

I just want to make sure when I have kids, I can spend time with them. That's the whole point. - Mark Zuckerberg

The pumpkin hearing, "Let's carve and scoop,"
Ran fast as he could, leaving pumpkin poop. - Shirley Thomas

Here lies my past.
Good-bye I have kissed it;
Thank you, kids.
I wouldn’t have missed it. - Ogden Nash

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

You can take the girl out of Texas but not the Texas out of the girl and ultimately not the girl out of Texas. - Janine Turner

Dear Diamond,
We all know who is really a girl's best friend.
Yours sincerely,
Chocolate Cake - Unknown

You know you're a mom when you go to the store for yourself and come out with a bag of things for your kids. - Unknown

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

Doing business without advertising is like winking at a girl in the dark. You know what you are doing, but nobody else does. - Stuart H Britt

Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

If you want your kids to listen to you, don't yell at them. Whisper. Make them lean in. My kids taught me that. I do it with adults now. - Mario Batali

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head comes off. - Rodney Dangerfield

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz


Open Drive Through

Secret Revealed

Tired Flagpole

Bent Car Sculpture

Cow Jacket

Thanks For Noticing

Overflow Truck Garden

Beach Sign Training

Encouraging Seal

GMC Pool

Nature Calls

You're Home Early

New Nail Gun

Long Noodles

EMS Upgrade

No Pot Of Gold

Graduation Swag

Monkeypox

Pre-Dinner Photography

Curses, Foiled Again

Ant Virus

Sidewalk Malt Melt

Bird's Eye View

Sea Girl