I Love Dad

the girl in the treehouse - Jennifer Asbenson

Scratch a lover, and find a foe. - Dorothy Parker

Khaki: A thing for starting a car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Girl: A giggle with glitter on it. - Unknown

Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson

Raising kids is a walk in the park. Jurassic Park. - Unknown

Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare. - Ed Asner

With kids, the days are long, but the years are short. - John Leguizamo

I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42. - WC Fields

Those whose memories fade seek to carve them in their hearts. - Unknown

Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson

We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up. - Christopher Morley

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield

Who would ever think that so much can go on in the soul of a young girl? - Anne Frank

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

All kids need is a little help, a little hope, and somebody who believes in them. - Earvin "Magic" Johnson

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. - Carl Sagan

The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen. - Kin Hubbard

Tease: A girl who is always thinking of a man’s happiness, and how to prevent it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Hopefully, kids realize you can do anything you want. Skateboarding can be that gateway. - Ryan Sheckler

A gun is not a weapon, it’s a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator. - Homer Simpson

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

I don't believe in e-mail. I'm an old-fashioned girl. I prefer calling and hanging up. - Sarah Jessica Parker

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

I just want to make sure when I have kids, I can spend time with them. That's the whole point. - Mark Zuckerberg

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

Flops are a part of life's menu and I've never been a girl to miss out on any of the courses. - Rosalind Russell

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

The pumpkin hearing, "Let's carve and scoop,"
Ran fast as he could, leaving pumpkin poop. - Shirley Thomas

Here lies my past.
Good-bye I have kissed it;
Thank you, kids.
I wouldn’t have missed it. - Ogden Nash

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

You know you're a mom when you go to the store for yourself and come out with a bag of things for your kids. - Unknown

A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere. - Jay Shetty

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the bogeyman or Michael Jackson. - Bart Simpson

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

I've got this thing for spicy stuff. Now, if you give me hot chocolate with chili pepper, a book and a bubble bath, I'm a happy girl. - Shiloh Walker