I Love Dad

I love shark week, all kids swim for free. - Josh Stern

Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare. - Ed Asner

Maybe she's a spaghetti girl... straight until wet. - Jodi Lerner

Those whose memories fade seek to carve them in their hearts. - Unknown

Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

We all thought we'd have flying cars by now, but we don't. - Dana Brunetti

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield

Raising kids make most people, including me, grow up at least a little. - Madonna

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow

I'd like to be the ideal mother, but I'm too busy raising my kids. - Unknown

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. - Hedy Lamarr

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

I'm pretty intentional about being highly invested in my kids' lives. - Mark Batterson

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

You don't have to carry a designer bag that costs more than a car to look cool. - Kesha

A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen. - Kin Hubbard

Hopefully, kids realize you can do anything you want. Skateboarding can be that gateway. - Ryan Sheckler

A girl who thinks that a man will treat her better after marriage than before is a fool. - William C. Hall

If we would listen to our kids, we'd discover that they are largely self-explanatory. - Robert Brault

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

Having kids is the ultimate job in life. I want to be most successful at being a good father. - Nick Lachey

Police officers may drive black and white cars, however what goes on in their job is a lot of gray. - Arik Matson

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

When Henry Ford made cheap, reliable cars people said, 'Nah, what's wrong with a horse?' - Elon Musk

No matter how long we've been together Edith, you still, as the kids say, "turn me over." - Archie Bunker

I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

The pumpkin hearing, "Let's carve and scoop,"
Ran fast as he could, leaving pumpkin poop. - Shirley Thomas

A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, nobody's home." I went over. Nobody was home. - Rodney Dangerfield

A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere. - Jay Shetty

If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 2,000 MPG. - Bill Gates

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always enjoyed feeling afraid. I think it is the most delicious feeling there is. - Domingos Monteiro

Technology is just a tool. In terms of getting the kids working together and motivating them, the teacher is the most important. - Bill Gates

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell? - Homer Simpson

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright