#1 humor site on the 'net

I Love Dad

Car-ving her appreciation on the family car

I Love Dad thanks to Renate Jaster

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” - I Corinthians 13:13
QuotaBills
Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

Girl: A giggle with glitter on it. - Unknown

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch. - Ogden Nash

If you want the girl next door, go next door. - Joan Crawford

A girl with cotton stockings never sees a mouse. - American Proverb

With kids, the days are long, but the years are short. - John Leguizamo

A diamond is the only kind of ice that keeps a girl warm. - Elizabeth Taylor

I've had Irish skin from the time I was a young girl. - Lara Flynn Boyle

I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42. - WC Fields

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex. - Bill Maher

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. - Fred Astaire

It is sometimes as dangerous to be run into by a microbe as by a trolley car. - J.J. Walsh

Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl. - Stephen Leacock

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker

A gun is not a weapon, it’s a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator. - Homer Simpson

A little girl is sugar and spice and everything nice - especially when she's taking a nap. - Unknown

If I weren't skateboarding, I'd love to race cars. I like anything that's fast and active. - Ryan Sheckler

No matter how long we've been together Edith, you still, as the kids say, "turn me over." - Archie Bunker

Every boy needs a role model that he can be proud of and talk about to the other kids in the playground. - Athol Fugard

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pick-up truck, and end up with a station wagon. - Tim Allen

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. - Albert Einstein

A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, nobody's home." I went over. Nobody was home. - Rodney Dangerfield

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always enjoyed feeling afraid. I think it is the most delicious feeling there is. - Domingos Monteiro

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett

When it comes to hockey, it's been in my blood since I was 3 or 4 years old. I love coaching the kids, especially at that level. - Mario Lemieux

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

I'm finally starting to scratch the surface of what women want. And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate. - Mel Gibson

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood. - Phyllis Diller

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright


Bar Code Casualty

Only In Texas

Eastern Screech Owl

International Sign of Marriage

Soccer Watch

2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

Science Project Turmoil

Parking Forever

I've Got Time

Red Wine Diet

Nice Try, Mom

Flight of the Ladybug

Time To Retire

Chess On The Wall

Tree Face

Bad Day Flyer

Back Bard

St. Peter's Fish

Feed Me

Horse Model

Get In Line!

Coffee World

Horsing Around

Think Big