#1 humor site on the 'net

In Case of Emergency

Inspirational sign for looters

In Case of Emergency thanks to Roy Turkington

Finding the closest thing at hand during an emergency

QuotaBills
Allege: A high rock shelf. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I'm toad-ally a rock star. - Sonali Gupta

The best thing to break is a contract. - WC Fields

The heart will break, but broken live on. - Lord Byron

To understand a new idea, break an old habit. - Jean Toomer

The shell must break before the bird can fly. - Unknown

Care shouldn't start in the emergency room. - James Douglas

We break bones and we lose teeth. We play rugby. - Martin Johnson

Rock and roll is the hamburger that ate the world. - Peter York

Never invest emergency savings in the stock market. - Suze Orman

The violets in the mountains have broken the rocks. - Tennessee Williams

You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs. - French Proverb

Working too long without a break is a form of pride. - Dave Williams

It's so much easier to throw rocks than it is to govern. - Karen Bass

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass. - David Lee Roth

Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs. - Ambrose Bierce

If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain. - Emily Dickinson

It is hard to rock the boat when you are helping to row the boat. - Unknown

NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable. - Mitch Hedberg

We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine. - Eduardo Galeano

Elvis may have been the king of rock 'n roll, but I am the queen. - Little Richard

Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on. - Maxwell Maltz

Break the ice in a crowded elevator by asking how much everyone weighs. - Bill Murray

We see through a glass darkly because all we want is to be comfortable. - Ravi Zacharias

If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business. - Joey Adams

Window: 1. A looking-out glass; 2. Place in the truck to hang your guns. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I have to get inspired by something that touches my soul, or rocks my soul. - Steven Tyler

The fewer rules a coach has, the fewer rules there are for players to break. - John Madden

I believe in rules. If there weren't any rules, how could you break them? - Leo Durocher

Never break your putter and your driver in the same round or you're dead. - Tommy Bolt

The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it. - Nicholas Sparks

How difficult it is to save the bark of reputation from the rocks of ignorance. - Petrarch

The knowledge from an enlightened person breaks on the hard rocks of ignorance. - Mahesh Yogi

I might have been given a bad break, but I've got an awful lot to live for. - Lou Gehrig

Civilization began the first time an angry person cast a word instead of a rock. - Sigmund Freud

Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass. - Anton Chekhov

Dear Monday, I want to break up. I'm seeing Tuesday and dreaming about Friday. - Unknown

If you fall out of that window and break both your legs, don't come running to me. - Groucho Marx

In matters of style, swim with the current. In matters of principle, stand like a rock. - Thomas Jefferson

Anakin, you're breaking my heart! And you're going down a path I cannot follow! - Padme

It is so easy to break down and destroy. The heroes are those who make peace and build. - Nelson Mandela

Happiness. Simple as a glass of chocolate or tortuous as the heart. Bitter Sweet. Alive. - Joanne Harris

Happiness. Simple as a glass of chocolate or tortuous as the heart. Bitter. Sweet. Alive. - Joanne Harris

Move fast and break things. Unless you are breaking stuff, you are not moving fast enough. - Mark Zuckerberg

The only thing that can break a piece of Valentine candy is another piece of Valentine candy. - Milton Berle

If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman

I don't drink these days. I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs. - Robert Downey Jr.

It's better to fall from a tree and break your back than to fall in love and break your heart. - African Proverb

Keep seeing the glass half-full and it will dawn upon you that it's probably your turn to buy. - Bill Murray

My husband is so good at home repairs that they have a special VIP area for him in the emergency room. - Unknown

People who wonder whether the glass is half empty or half full miss the point. The glass is refillable. - Simon Sinek

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

If Music is a Place - then Jazz is the City, Folk is the Wilderness, Rock is the Road, Classical is a Temple. - Vera Nazarian

Don't waste a minute not being happy. If one window closes, run to the next window - or break down a door. - Brooke Shields

The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management. - Scott Adams

Competition can damage self-esteem, create anxiety, and lead to cheating and hurt feelings. But so can romantic love. - Mariah Burton Nelson

Only think of two things - the gun and the tape. When you hear the one, just run like hell until you break the other. - Sam Mussabini

Teach your daughter to worry less about fitting into the glass slippers and more about shattering the glass ceilings. - Unknown

Rock is so much fun. That's what it's all about - filling up the chest cavities and empty kneecaps and elbows. - Jimi Hendrix

Unbreakable Toy: 1. An object that is indestructible - until a child plays with it; 2. Useful for breaking other toys. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The Easter egg symbolizes our ability to break out of the hardened, protective shell we've surrounded ourselves with. - Siobhan Shaw

When you live your life by poor standards, you inflict damage on everyone who crosses your path, especially those you love. - Jordan Belfort

Strength is the capacity to break a Hershey bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces. - Judith Viorst

In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins - not through strength, but through persistence. - Buddha

There are three words I like to repeat to myself: glass half full. Just to remind myself to be grateful for everything I have. - Goldie Hawn

When you're young and you fall off a horse, you may break something. When you're my age and you fall off, you splatter. - Roy Rogers

It's not what we don't know that hurts us, people say. It's what we believe is true that isn't that does the damage. - Melody Beattie

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect. - George Carlin

Oh, why can't we break away from all this, just you and I, and lodge with my fleas in the hills? I mean flee to my lodge in the hills. - Groucho Marx

A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself. - Jessamyn West


Edible Clock

Up-Set & Hungry Trucks

Bear Pinata

Swim Vacation

What Are Your Skills?

Portable Barber Shop

Snail Trail

Anger Release Machine

Pun-e Signs

Wake Me At Noon

Pringle Art

Lodge Welcome

Holstein or Holestein?

Dead Poirot

Restroom Fragrance

Word Puzzle Clock

Scenic Western Pennsylvania

Free Nobel Peace Prize

Teach Our Children Well

Stair Substitute

Solar System Watch

Puppy Love

Zipbridge

Today's Bathroom Reader