Jail Sale

To a warden Utopia is an escape-proof jail. - Mark Twain

Be thine own palace, or the world's thy jail. - John Donne

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. - Steven Wright

A chip on the shoulder is a sure sign of wood higher up. - Brigham Young

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign? - George Carlin

In my country we go to prison first and then become president. - Nelson Mandela

When the prison doors are opened, the real dragon will fly out. - Ho Chi Minh

A good thing sells itself; a bad thing advertises itself for sale. - African Saying

I don't want to send them to jail. I want to send them to school. - Adlai Stevenson

There should be no bank too big to fail but no individual too big to jail. - Hillary Clinton

The sign said "eight items or less." So I changed my name to Les. - Steven Wright

Prison is the worst experience I've ever had in my life - besides death. - Duane Chapman

Please don't come to my garage sale if you've ever let me borrow something. - Mike Spears

When a man falls into his anecdotage, it is a sign for him to retire from the world. - Benjamin Disraeli

Contradiction is not a sign of falsity, nor the lack of contradiction a sign of truth. - Blaise Pascal

The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. - Jerry M Wright

Dreams are excursions into the limbo of things, a semi-deliverance from the human prison. - Henri Amiel

Tears shed for self are tears of weakness, but tears shed for others are a sign of strength. - Billy Graham

If you are discouraged it is a sign of pride, because it shows you trust in your own powers. - Mother Teresa

No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement. - Florida Scott-Maxwell

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. - Woody Allen

It is when we notice the dirt that God is most present in us; it is the very sign of His presence. - C S Lewis

If the sign on your heart says, "WELCOME", the love will come pouring in from everywhere. - Susan Jeffers

I got all the schooling any actress needs. That is, I learned to write well enough to sign contracts. - Hermione Gingold

I saw a sign: "Rest Area 25 Miles". That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired. - Steven Wright

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison. - WC Fields

My parents live in a retirement community, which is basically a minimum-security prison with a golf course. - Joel Warshaw

It's a sign of age if you feel like the morning after the night before and you haven't been anywhere. - Unknown

Crying doesn't indicate that you are weak. Ever since you were born it's been a sign that you are alive. - Unknown

One of the many lessons that one learns in prison is, that things are what they are and will be what they will be. - Oscar Wilde

The greatest sign of success for a teacher is to be able to say, "The children are now working as if I did not exist." - Maria Montessori

One of the signs of passing youth is the birth of a sense of fellowship with other human beings as we take our place among them. - Virginia Woolf

A man’s life is interesting primarily when he has failed – I well know. For it’s a sign that he tried to surpass himself. - Georges Clemenceau

When one may pay out over two million dollars to presidential and Congressional campaigns, the U.S. government is virtually up for sale. - John W. Gardner

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

Abundance and vigor of automatic movements are desirable, and even a considerable degree of restlessness is a good sign in young children. - G Stanley Hall

While there is a lower class, I am in it; while there is a criminal element, I am of it; and while there is a soul in prison, I am not free. - Eugene V Debs

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home. - Dennis Miller

Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list. - Yakov Smirnoff